This morning I caught my dad crossdressing, how do I handle this?

[SadyConfused1998]

I need some real help

This morning I stopped at my parents house and I caught my dad wearing a dress, a wig and make-up

I love my dad, but this shocked me and couldn't face him. I just left and now I'm at a truck stop restaurant trying to figure this all out.

I'm pretty shaking up by this.

I wonder if my mom knows about this, do I call her and tell her what I just saw? (Mom is out of town taking care of my sick aunt)

Plus how do I talk to him about this? I don't think I can see my dad in the same light again.

Signed

SadyConfused

P. S.

Are there any crossdressers on here that can help answer some questions I have about this?

[NamerOfStars]

First, you take a mental breath, and try to relax. Then you put your feelings aside for a moment and actually think about it. So you caught your dad dressing up like a woman. Okay. Presumably, it wasn't an accidental thing, and probably wasn't just the result of a lost bet. So what does that mean? It means... he probably likes dressing up like a woman. Is that strange? Yeah, kinda. But does it actually hurt anything or anyone?

Well, if he's actually gay or wants to physically BE a woman, then you could argue that it does. But most crossdressers aren't gay, and if he's still with your mom, he probably isn't either. It makes sense when you actually think about it; why would someone who's into men be so intrigued with the trappings of women? What's by far the most likely option is that he's got a psychosexual kink for dressing up as a woman- odd, but not really a big deal. Any man can slip on a dress, but knowing how to do makeup suggests that this isn't a new thing. Likewise, keeping a wig in decent condition requires more than just hiding in a box under the back or at the back of the closet, which means your mother probably knows about his hobby.

It may bother her, which is why he's doing it when she's not around, but if they've been together long enough to have a daughter your age, she knows him well enough to know he''s a good man who just has some eccentricities. So does she, after all, and hey, if he has THIS one, he's much less likely to damage her fancy clothes while doing laundry.

This isn't that uncommon of a thing to enjoy doing (on some level, anyway), and while it's incredibly awkward to find out about it this way, it doesn't change who he is as a person. It wouldn't change your opinion of him if you'd accidentally walked in on him masturbating, would it? Fundamentally, this is the same thing.

It may help to think of it this way: there are differences between men and women. Some are physical, some are mental, and the vast majority are sociological. Crossdressing gives you a chance to see what the other side is like in a temporary way that doesn't affect any meaningful change (since you can always take clothes off, after all), and gives you the thrill of transgressing a social taboo. Wanting to take on some characteristics of the opposite sex for a while is wanting to be a little bit different- not better, not worse, just different.

[SnowedIn]

I'm sorry about how troubling this is for you. Never fun.

I would not do anything. Telling anyone is not your place nor will it do anything except cause drama. It would be the same situation if you were (fill in the blank) and your dad told someone.

That said, perhaps you have a talk with him after you've had some time to process. Hear him out and express your feelings -- without judgement or expectations for change. He is his own person as are you.

[SadyConfused1998]

Thank you for them helpful words. I do feel better now

[SnowedIn]

I'm glad to hear that. Your situation is a tough one. Parents have an unenviable position of being both the parent while trying to also be their own individual. Sometimes there's even a third component of being the spouse. That's all hard to balance.

[Sour-rose]

Never. Everyone is comfortable in their own clothes.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

I actually did that when I was a little boy. My little sister and older stepsister dressed me up like a girl and put make-up on me and I was dancing and twirling around. Made a damned good little girl in my opinion -- probably better than the natural ones.

But then my father walked in and was like, "WTF!" and beat the shit out of me. He beat that gay shit out of my ass except for dancing. I still love to dance. I figure I'm like a black guy. We're made to move to the groove.

[SadyConfused1998]

Dancing fun, my oldest brother is a tap dance instructor

[BungusHighFivePizza]

Tap dancing is a bit pacifistic for my tastes but I love break-dance and power-moves. I think I can still do an airflare if people clear some space although at my age, might break a hip or something. :-D

[andreasderjuengere]

Kind of: Mom was too fat for the new bikini, so she just wore the top.

Dad used the bottom piece... in the back garden only, though.

I didn't think much about it as I was just 13 or so.

Anyhow - afterwards, I think that his stinginess was over the top; he could as well have worn something civilized, but still cheap enough.

[SadyConfused1998]

Nothing wrong with being cheap. At least it didn't go to waste.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

To my basic understanding, cross-dressers have a sort of sexual fetish. They aren't necessarily trying to become women. They just get turned on by wearing women's clothes and dancing around and stuff. So I don't think he is as fucked up as one of those transwomen.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

But on talking to him about this, maybe you can talk to your mom instead. I think he's just kind of horny and doing weird shit. Horny guys do that. They end up fucking goats and stuff. I think that's what your dad is doing right now.

[DaBiggestBird]

Jamm, that actually must be traumatic. Seeing the man you looked up to (maybe) your life who helped raise you to be the big strong Giga Chad you are today dresses up like a slimy dirt bag f*****, that got to hurt. If you’re trying to help him during these difficult times, I would recommend a some intake of the holy scriptures. Maybe talk to a pastor, that should be your first go to option before a therapist

[Daniela1982]

@DaBiggestBird Do you realize this question was asked 8 months ago? 😯

[DaBiggestBird]

@Daniela1982 oh now I do. That must mean the issue has been resolved then.

[Daniela1982]

Most likely. 😎

[Wise4myage]

Maybe its best to not say anything and just act like you never saw him.

[SadyConfused1998]

But I can't get the image out of my head.

[Wise4myage]

You will sooner or later.

[humanearth]

Hell, welcome to my world. I AM THE CROSSDRESSING DAD

[jshm2]

You don't.

He's a fucking adult, as are you.

Stay the fuck in your lane and leave him to it.

[slatyb]

Why do you have to handle it? You don't have to do anything.

[leahzrc]

Did you ask him why he was cross dressing?

[Astarlessnightsky]

Ask him if he needs shoes that fit the dress?

[SadyConfused1998]

I know your joking, but this is really troubling me. I need some real help

[Astarlessnightsky]

I am not joking, he is a grown up and can do whatever he wants, just let him have fun.

[normalice]

100% your mom knows. Talk to her.

[Anonymous]

you're 25, maybe move out.

[In_Trance]

Nope