Does ''women support each other'' have limits?

[Anonymous]

I had an argument with my friend because I'm refusing to cover up for her cheating. I told her I don't want to get involved and if the guy ask me, I'm not going to lie for her.

She threw the ''what ever happened to women support each other'' line on me. I've heard that line before. But is there a limit to it? Isn't it about supporting good deeds, when she really is a real victim, has been wronged or it's really worthy?

Is there a limit to it? I don't feel lying for someone is being supportive. She has already cheated with 2 different men. I don't like it.

Updates

+1 y

All I see is that she's in the wrong. She's hasn't been wronged. Her boyfriend was.

[WaterIsland]

I’m obviously not a woman. So I’m maybe giving a different perspective than you’re looking for.


But lying isn’t being supportive. All it’s doing is enabling her bad behavior. And that isn’t being supportive.


Let me give an example that is a bit more extreme maybe. If a drug addict or alcohol addict who is your friend, asked for drugs or a drink, would you give them one? Hopefully not. That isn’t what a good friend would do. A good friend would help them by getting them the help and therapy they need.


Support doesn’t mean enabling bad behavior. Support sometimes means telling the hard truths. Because you want her to be the best possible person possible. That means challenging her and holding her accountable. That doesn’t mean lying for her.


That’s at least how I interpret supporting friends and each other. I know she doesn’t view it that way. But that’s how I view it.

[Asker]

That's a very good example. While my friend is out cheating and doesn't seem to care, I've considered distancing myself from her. I don't want to act like an alibi lying to the guy if he were to ask me about her.

[WaterIsland]

Yeah. I can’t give advice on distancing or not. Simply because I don’t have the entire picture. Are there positive things about your friendship that you value? Do you have other friends to spend time with if you distance yourself from her? Is she your best friend?

Only you can truly determine if distancing yourself from her is a good idea or not.

But everything you said makes sense. And I don’t blame you for not wanting to lie. I wouldn’t want to lie either.

I’m glad my example was helpful. Because bad behavior is bad behavior regardless. It isn’t supportive to support bad behavior.

[Huntingnfishin]

Doesn't really sound like a good friend to keep anyway if you ask me. I would worry more about my self respect than keeping her as a friend. But at the same time I find it's best to not get involved in others relationships, if no one asks you flat out just keep information to yourself

[Asker]

I was thinking of distancing myself from her. I don't like the idea of being her alibi or seeing her cheating and lying for her. I don't like lying for bad things. I've been introduced to her boyfriend and it hurts to know someone is going to get heartbroken.

[Huntingnfishin]

Sounds like you already knew the right answer to your question. You can't help what others do just yourself

[provokeesmokee]

Yeah, there's a limit. Support women in general, sure, but that doesn't apply when you know she's done something you disagree with or don't stand for.

She doesn't get to play the woman card to get out of her mistakes, and you both being women doesn't obligate you to defend her adultery.

In this context, women supporting women is you supporting the other women in the work who don't condone cheating by not covering up for this trash.

[Asker]

yeah if she's the one doing the wrong, I can't support that.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has limits.

[Asker]

I don't agree with supporting no matter what. If she's in the wrong then she's in the wrong. I before in the past, it was about we supporting our gender for fair cause, for actual good, valid reasons not just for the sake of being a woman.

[Opinion Owner]

That makes sense.