How do I stop thinking about my HS crush, the guy I've loved the most?

[Anonymous]

Even though I have a life already and we have two kids (6 year-old daughter and 4 year-old son), once in a while I still think about my HS crush.

We've spoken recently (not often, only twice a week) but our conversation never involves sexual topic, just some of our interest, our professions, our children, hobbies, etc. He's married too but he admitted his wife is jealous and their marriage hasn't been going well. He's been living in Canada, Quebec for years now. He's not in the USA anymore. This time it was him that contacted me first and we've been chatting since.

The chats bring me back old memories of when I was pinning over him so much and he would always keep me as a friend. He found me ok and cute but wasn't feeling the same towards me. Now I find myself fantasizing about him lately. How do I stop thinking about my HS crush?

Updates

5 mo

In my recent fantasies, I think about what if he would've reciprocated back then and imagine us walking in the park, holding hands, running away from responsibilities and pretending it's just the two of us for the moment, even for seconds. This is just a fantasy though.

[Oliverlogan263]

It's totally normal to have lingering feelings for your high school crush, even after all these years. Those were formative times and he was obviously really important to you.

But you gotta let those old memories stay in the past where they belong. You're a married woman with kids now! You can't go down that road of fantasizing about someone else. It's not fair to your husband or family.

When you find yourself thinking about your crush, consciously shift your mind elsewhere. Picture your kids' smiling faces or a fun hobby. Do something that reminds you of what really matters - your present life and the people who count on you now.

Also be careful chatting with your crush so much. His marriage issues aren't your problem to solve. Keep conversations light and make sure there are clear boundaries. Distance is what you need here to fully move on.

You had your high school love, and now it's time to cherish what you've built since. You deserve to be happy with who's really in your life. Have strength to leave the past in the past where it can't hurt anything. I know you've got this!

[Asker]

Thank you. I agree, that wouldn't be fair to my husband and kids. If it were the other way around, yeah I would feel hurt.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're very welcome! And you're absolutely right - indulging those HS fantasies wouldn't be fair to your family at all. How would you feel if your husband was secretly pining over an old flame? It's best to leave the past in the past where it belongs.

Focus on appreciating what you have now - your amazing kids who love you so much, and a husband who chose you to build a life with. High school was such a long time ago. The person you are today wasn't even formed back then.

Keep those lines of communication with your HS crush very casual and don't share anything too personal. Distance is healthy in this case. And lean on your girlfriends for support if you get nostalgic - they want the best for you too.

You sound really smart to recognize this crush doesn't define your happiness. Stay strong, mama! Your beautiful family is what really matters. This too shall pass as long as you don't let those old feelings take root again. You've got this!

[bededazzle]

well, it will probably be hard if you are in regular contact

[rosemilk]

why tho? you have your own life. you are technically emotionally cheating on your husband as we speak. i know you probably don't see it that way, but to still be thinking romantically about someone who isn't your husband definitely fits that bill. stop talking to him. not sure what it accomplishes.

[Jazzy54]

This may be hard to do, but cut off all contact with him. Sometimes, we have to take drastic measures to truly move on with our lives.