How do you deal with people who don’t keep their word?

[Anonymous]

I am a very understanding person so I understand things happen, and things may come up. Every time my Mother and I make plans to go out of town or go on a road trip she always makes up an excuse last minute. I literally asked her the day of the trip are we still going on the trip she said yes I don’t see why we wouldn’t. So the day of the trip came she makes up a lame excuse. I’m not mad at her. I’m more annoyed that she does this every time. I’m starting not to trust her.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Just stop making plans with her. If she asks why tell her she never follows through, and be prepared to cite examples. If she doesn't EVER ask why... well... there's your answer.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Something I always found helpful as a trusting type is to separate reliability from trustworthiness.

I had a very difficult time discipling people when I first got in a lead position at work with people showing up late repeatedly, for example. Everyone gave what seemed to me like very legitimate excuses, and one of the ones who had a tendency to show up late most often was suffering type-2 diabetes so I really sympathized deeply with him, took him at his word each time he had an excuse, and couldn't find it in myself to discipline him even though he was disrupting the whole team being late all the time.

So it's still difficult for me to distrust people until I find proof, beyond any reasonable doubt, that they've deceived me. Yet by thinking of reliability as a totally separate thing, that helps me to develop a firmer and stricter tone when required.

Someone could hypothetically be the most honest person in the world and still be disastrously unreliable, like if they're also the unluckiest person in the world. Still, they're just as unreliable as the compulsive liar and so we have to demand more from them or kick them out either way.

[McLlovin]

Dont trust them until they earn it back