Do you think my sister is right about me being insensitive and cruel to my coworker about her hard times?

[Anonymous]

Okay look everyone has their own problem and goes through shit but that gives someone no right to come in or act all pisses off. Whatever their problem is, they need to work it out or keep it at home.
I don’t care about other people’s problems. I don’t. I have my own problems to deal with.
I mean I’ll lend a ear to shoulder to cry on if it’s my best friend or someone I’m close with but if it’s someone I barely know or a stranger, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS OR YOU. So today my coworker came in pissed off and slammed her purse on the table very hard. I was like, “What the hell is wrong with her?” Or “Something work up cranky.” I just continued what I was doing. I wasn’t going to talk to her with that attitude. I just minded my own business and the other coworkers did as well. I understand she is going though a rough time with her dad being put on hospice and dying of cancer which I feel so bad for her for, but she didn’t have to come in all nasty and slamming her bag so I refused to speak to her. During lunch break I walked passed the restroom and I heard her screaming, “WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY ASK HE WHAT WAS WRONG? NOBODY CARES!”
I just continued to walk. So my sister asked me how was my coworker and I told her she came in cranky and she was bitter all day. None of us spoken to her. Someone did later on so I avoided her.” My sister was shocked that I didn’t ask what what was wrong. I mean why should I? With that ugly attitude, I wasn’t going to speak to her. If something was wrong, she should have spoken up about it. She’s an adult, not a child. My sister called me out for not caring enough and I was a bad coworker. I told her I’m not obligated to ask her and I had my own things to worry about. My sister (who is autistic) thinks we should be nice to everyone and get alone, but she has to not understand that not everyone will be nice and get alone and not everyone will care about you or your problems.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, I can see both sides of this. On the one hand, you're right that it's not your job to deal with every coworker's personal issues, especially if they take it out on you. That's not cool.

But I also get why your sis thinks you could have shown a bit more empathy. Even just a "Hey, are you okay?" to let your coworker know you're open to listening if she wants to talk could have helped. Sometimes people just need to vent a little.

And you never know what someone else is going through - like with her dad being so sick, that's huge stress and sadness to carry. Cutting her some slack for being in a bad mood makes sense.

Maybe next time try saying something in a nicer tone, just to check in. You don't have to get super involved, but showing you care a tiny bit could improve work relationships overall, you know? Her feelings are valid too.

There's usually a middle ground between not caring at all and making everything your problem. A little compassion goes a long way. But don't be too hard on yourself, hindsight is 20/20!

[TommyMountainFigure]

There are two points of view here.

Firstly if we take your sister, who given what you've told her says what she would do, and then there was you, who was actually faced with the real life scenario of watching it unfold..

There were no consequences for your sister to say what she said, however, for you there might have been and so you took the option not to say anything.

From her perspective she may well have been right, but put in the same position, would she have done the same as you? Quite possibly!

[Asker]

We’ll she probably would ask but she needs to understand that you can’t always go up to someone and ask about their personal life. Some people just needs to be left alone. I mean I might have came off as harsh but you have to understand that not everyone’s problems are yours. My coworker came in cranky and slammed her bag. I wasn’t going to talk to her with her cranky attitude. I understand her dad’s going through a hard time but she doesn’t understand she can’t bring all that to work..

[TommyMountainFigure]

Nope I get it.. I can see how you were right to handle it the way you did!

[spartan55]

I mean, it sounds like your sister is coming from a good place, but doesn't understand what's it like to have a coworker like that. EVERYONE has something going on in their life that sucks. But guess what? No one wants to hear about it, especially if you are a dude.