So I've been living a lie my whole life?

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to think anymore nor what to believe. About 2 weeks ago, my mom was arguing with a man. He had been coming before lately. The guy seemed mom's age and actually had a youthful face. I would guess he must be in his mid 30's years old but still looks 20ish. The man seemed extremely upset and at some point called mom bad names. Then I strongly resemble him, as if he was my male version and me his female twin, too much alike.

I couldn't stand it anymore and demanded why he was insulting mom. What the hell was going on. The man got emotional upon seeing me. Now everything seemed confused. Why is he yelling at mom? Why is he emotional suddenly? What happened is he found out about my existence not so long ago, did the test twice on two different clinics and it's positive. My mom admitted to lying about him abandoning us when she got pregnant. She always used to tell me the story that my father was her ex boyfriend that bailed on her, leaving her pregnant. What really happened is she never told him during the break-up, kept the pregnancy a secret, felt there was just no need for him to ever know, decided to raise me on her own and was hoping he never finds out. He did eventually and was very pissed off. They dated during HS and my mom had me at age 19. Not older than myself. I'm 17 now.

So I've been living a lie all these years? I don't know how to react actually. I really thought my father abandoned me and never wanted me.

Updates

+1 y

Now I'm wonder how many other men out there have been purposely denied fatherhood, denied from ever seeing their children, told lies about how the father abandoned them?

[LazerBean]

That's pretty sad, if that's all true. None of that would be your fault though, that would be the fault of your crappy parents. The only thing you can really do is to learn from it and be better than them by not having extramarital sex, which is what caused this entire situation.

[Asker]

I've been reconnecting with my father ever since. He seems like a cool, funny dude. He's very different than what mom always portrayed him as. She villanized him so much. She really made me think he never wanted me. So I grew up hating him.

[LazerBean]

I mean he wasn't decent or smart enough make sure his actions didn't produce a child, but yeah at the bare minimum I guess he at least didn't knowingly abandon you.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Perhaps but I think you should see it as a good thing that you found out cause now you have the opportunity to connect with your father, it wasn't that he didn't want you, it was that he never had a clue about you, which means any weight you had to carry feeling like your father didn't want you, you can just let it go, it should be like a fresh start or blank slate with your father.

[Asker]

All this was a shock to me but I'm glad to know I can finally reconnect with my father. It makes me feel a lot better to finally know the truth and yet I feel bad for hating him for the longest.

[ChicoFromThe305]

You'll see that it will all fall into place and you won't regret this happening

[ICanSmellTheCosmos]

Are you gonna try to reconnect with him now?

[Asker]

yeah that's what I've been doing at this moment. He isn't anything what my mother kept portraying him as.

[ICanSmellTheCosmos]

Sadly, there are selfish parents who will keep the father / mother out of the kid's life because of spite or pettiness. I don't understand it.

Good luck.

[dustybiker2]

It's their past mistakes to sort out. You have him now. From here it's your choice how the rest of your life plans out.

[Asker]

yes and I've been reconnecting with him since. I definitely want him in my life. It feels so much better to finally know the truth, that I was never abandoned, unloved nor unwanted.

[Anonymous]

The only thing for men worse than being forced to raise another man's kids is this scenario you described, purposely being denied his right to know, raise and love his child.

[Asker]

Yeah my mother made me hate him for a long time. At one point I kept wondering why I was unwanted and would imagine saying hateful words to him if I ever saw him. She really defamed his character. I'm reconnecting with my father at this moment. He's a cool dude.