Why the Lie? What Did I Do Wrong?

[Anonymous]

I met “B” a few months ago through mutual friends. We clicked right away, spent a lot of time together getting to know each other and just having great time. It felt special and thats not something I let myself feel very often.

Right before New Years, he told me he was going to be staying in the city (NYC) for the month of January. He had arranged to rent an AirBnB before we met and couldn’t cxl without losing a lot of $. He told me he originally made the plans because he wanted a change in scenery, plus he has college friends and family in the city who he wanted to spend time with. He works remotely so it doesn’t interfere with his job. I was surprised and confused but did my best to be understanding. He made a point of telling me that he wanted me to visit as often as possible, which ended up being 3 out of 4 wknds in January. I asked him a few times over the last few days of the month what date he would be coming back home. He was wishy washy with his answers until finally I asked “Are you planning to stay here indefinitely?" After a long talk he admitted his AirBnB rental was for 3 months, not just the month of January. He could tell I was upset, especially about the lie. His excuse was that he didn't want to risk losing me--he has strong feelings for me and didn't think I would want to do the long distance thing for one month, and esp not 3.

I'm sad, angry and confused. I told him I might have considered a long distance relationship but not without open communication and complete honesty. At this point it feels too late. As hard as it was to do, I ended things.

I could tell "B" was upset but understood.

Now Im stuck feeling so sad and wondering what I did wrong and why did he lie?

[Oliverlogan263]

Awww girl, don't beat yourself up - you didn't do anything wrong here. B's lies are not a reflection on you at all. It really sucks to be misled like that when things were going so well.

Guys can be dumb sometimes, ya know? Maybe he genuinely thought he was protecting your connection by hiding the truth at first. But that was still the wrong move - relationships need honesty to work long term.

Breakups always sting, even when it's the right call. Give yourself time to mourn what could have been before this. Hang with your girls, treat yourself - you deserve to feel better after this mess.

His actions showed he wasn't ready for the realness yet. But that says nothing about your worthiness as a partner. Stay confident in who you are while you heal. The right one will appreciate you fully for you.

For now, vent to me anytime you need girl! We'll get ice cream and you'll see - in no time this sadness will pass, and you'll be out there thriving again. You've got this sista!

[boobliker]

firstly our AirBnB is cancelable up to the day before your stay starts and most only allow one cal month at a time. but I guess he has found someone else.
so dump him black all contact with him he no good for you.

[Anonymous]

I think you made the right choice. The thing is despite his intentions it was selfish, because he was willing to take away your opportunity to decide. If you hadn’t said what you did, who knows when he would’ve come clean. I just feel like if he’ll like about the small things, what’s stopping him from lying about the big ones?

[SecretsofKB]

Sounds like he lied because he didn't want to lose you as he said. But HE screwed up by lying to you instead of coming to you and talking to you about it.

Communication is the key to any good relationship and he dropped the ball.

[WhitneySnow]

I’m not sure why it was so important for him to stay in the city in an AirBnB for three months. You need to find out that before you can figure out why he lied to you. He might have been telling the truth about not wanting to lose you, but again, what did he have to do in the city that was so important it would take him three months?

[Nikki1989]

Men lie constantly. All you can do it talk it out.