How to deal with overprotective parents at 18?

[Anonymous]

I’m rlly frustrated with my parents right now, and I need to vent. A couple of days ago, my dad must have had a bizarre dream where I disappeared. In his dream, they thought I got kidnapped, involved the police, and in the end, I returned on my own. Somehow, this led them to conclude that I had run away with a guy in the dream. The logic here is beyond me.

On that day, I had my work placement, and my parents were telling me to be careful, not talk to strangers, not let anyone touch me, and so on. They didn’t tell me about the dream until I got back home.

Now, a couple days later. Before they go to work, which is at 4 am, my mum walks into my room, ruffles my hair, and repeats the same warnings: don’t talk to strangers, don’t give out my phone number or address, and a bunch of other stuff.

I’m 18. An adult. I don’t even have friends. And the hypocrisy is astounding. They work at a place with thousands of people. They talk to strangers all the time, give out their phone numbers, and whatever else is necessary for their job. Yet, I’m the one who can’t be trusted to interact with people responsibly?

This overprotection is pushing me away. It doesn’t make me want to confide in them; it makes me want to "run" far away. No son or daughter would want to share everything with parents who act like this. That's why I’m considering applying to universities as far away as possible for next year.

Their overprotection always made it hard for me to make friends. While it’s important to be careful, being too careful is just as bad, if not worse. They’ve made me scared of people, and then they worried when I have no friends. It’s ironic they don’t seem to realize their role in it.

They need to chill out, and develop some self-awareness. I can't believe that even though I've been nothing but a "good" daughter all these years, they still don't trust me. I get they're worried, they need to let me grow up. I'm not a kid anymore.

[Cutegirl06]

Give them examples of how you never gave them a reason to not trust you to be responsible in different situations. It sounds like they are smothering you and you're right they are pushing you away from them whether they realize it or not. I'm 18 and while my parents look out for me they also know they can trust me to do the right thing and if I make a mistake it's okay it's not the end of the world. It sounds like your parents are so focused on you making a mistake and it's making you feel like if you did you couldn't possibly talk it over with them because they'll freak out! Tell them that if they continue acting like this they are going to lose any kind of relationship with you. Don't do it when you're angry and frustrated, it'll come across in the wrong way. Just let them know that you appreciate them looking out for you, but at the same time they are stifling you. My parents have always trusted me but everyone makes mistakes it doesn't mean you can't be trusted it just means you're learning and you need their feedback when that happens. Right now you couldn't possibly expect them to guide you because they are so afraid that you will make a mistake, but that's all apart of growing up!! I really hope this helps you! I hope they realize what they are doing before it's too late and lose their relationship with you. Good luck 👍

[TommyMountainFigure]

Firstly, I will tell you from their perspective (If you'll allow me, and I will come to how you deal with it afterwards)
You are their baby, and you will ALWAYS be their baby irrespective of how old you are. They have the benefit of being your age once as well as their ages now, where as you have only the experience of your age! You say 'they don't trust' you, that's where you're wrong.. It's not you they don't trust, it's everyone else.
OK enough looking through their eyes.. What can you do about it?
For starters, go make them a hot beverage and sit them down. Then take a deep breath and say to them.. "
Mum, Dad look. You believe in upholding the law, don't you? I mean, that's how you've brought me up to behave. Well, the Law states, at 18 I am no longer a child. I get you care about me, and don't think for a second I'm not grateful for that. I am."
"For the first 18 years of my life, you have done a great job in making me the person I am today, but there is a danger of me being wrapped in cotton wool SO much, that I will NEVER learn to experience life except through your eyes, and you won't ALWAYS be around. What do I do then?" You have to learn to appreciate I am no longer a child, except in your eyes, and I love that but, "Please, I am asking you to trust in my decision making, and let me grow up. I won't let you down!

[Finchie40]

Yea some parents are just way overprotective of their kids and worry like crazy about them, I know it’s annoying but understand your parents’ love you with all their heart and they don’t want to see anything bad happen to you. It’s not that they don’t trust you , they just don’t trust the people that you might run into , Once you get on your own 2 feet and become independent, your parents’ will more than likely back off from you some , but if they don’t? Have a sit down talk with them and tell them how it makes you feel and tell them the truth that you want to get away from them because of how they are treating you, hopefully your parents will understand and back off from you once they see you are independent

[Anonymous]

Simple. Move out. That’s what adults do. Your parents will never stop worrying about you. I get they’re overprotective but be glad you still have both of them. Now be a big girl, pack your things, then find a place of your own.

[Anonymous]

you're 18. you're an adult now... well at least according to some people here

others might start infantilizing you in certain scenarios

[DrPepper12]

Time to fly the nest young chick. Its not gonna get better

[Danny_dan92]

Tell them you’re legally an adult… however this could backfire lol so be prepared to put on your “big girl pants”

[OddBeMe]

Ghosting. Seriously. At least the process. They’ll notice you're keeping them and arms length and may change.

[Fireguy17]

Move out, you are an adult.

[jahaims]

Move out and be independent