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Am I unpopular because I’m ugly?

I apologise in advance for the rambly post but I’m in a bit of a low mood.

I feel that way at the moment because of my colleagues. I feel “left out”. Three of them in my office are all really good friends and they have their jokes and names etc. I’ve tried to join in and it’s successful but they don’t really engage with me unless I initiate it. They only talk to me when they want something from me. And then there are people who work in the canteen who are really nice and chatty with certain people but barely speak to me when I try and talk.

This has been the case all of my life. I had a rough childhood, I love my mum but she was an alcoholic and she said some gross things to me when intoxicated. She’d call me fat/ugly etc.

When I was at school, I was always left out of friendship groups. I’m a very shy and socially awkward person but I like to think I can be good to talk to and great fun. No one ever says that I’m ugly, but I feel like I’m hideous. I hate pictures of myself. People tell me I’m beautiful but I don’t see it. I see some fat, ugly, worthless piece of sh*t. I’m always nice to people and all I want is to feel loved and included. But instead I’m always left out. Does anyone else here feel like this? What do you do about it?

Updates
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Even on social media posts, selfies etc. I don’t get many likes or follows. Which to me, is a clear indicator that I’m ugly.
Am I unpopular because I’m ugly?
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