What do you do when your sibling(s) treat you badly?

[Anonymous]

I have an older sister (2 years older), and for the life of me, I can't figure out why she seems to really dislike me/hate me. It seems like everything I say to her gets on her nerves. Arguments with her are guaranteed if I open my mouth, it seems. She used to bully me when I was younger, and now that we're older, she seems to think it's okay to make a mockery of some of the things I've had to deal with.

I don't get it. I don't try to be anything but nice to her, and yet she tells me to go crawl into a hole and die. I seriously don't understand.

After today, I seriously think I'd be better off living alone, or at least away from her. It's upsetting and distracting me from my school work.

For those who have siblings, do they treat you like crap? If they do, how do you react/what do you do?

And if you feel like you've treated your sibling(s) badly before, why did you do it?

Thanks for any insight.

[Anonymous]

Girls can be very mean :)

I have a brother to whom I don't talk for some time now. As I grew older, I realized that it's better to stop talking to someone you love rather than getting yourself into a vicious circle of emotional abuse, fights and arguments. I don't appreciate being bullied and he doesn't appreciate backfiring, so I stopped talking to him. I do respect and love him because he's family, but I made myself clear that such an attitude is not acceptable.

I am 25 now and I don't think it's fair to accept such treatment. As long as I keep the relationship in respect, decency and mutual care, then I owe him nothing. Ofcourse I'll be there if he needs me, so he will, but it's good to turn mute than to waste your energy and feelings in such a negative way. I just want to make that clear...we aren't giving each other silent treatment or anything...it's a mutual decision to keep the relationship like that.

I think you should stand up for yourself and tell her what she's doing isn't acceptable. There's a difference between wanting to change her and to point out that what she does isn't right. The first option will do you nothing because that's her character. I don't think she means to insult you or make you cry at night. It's just her, so forget about changing her. What you can do is tell her it's no longer acceptable. Keep the conversation brief, firm and right to the point. Don't argue too much. Lead the conversation to where you want. Tell her if she can't be a supportive, caring and loving sister the it's better to turn mute. You are not going to accept such treatment anymore.

Think about how do you want the relationship to be like and inform her with what you want. I know you are a very caring and loving person, so you might feel guilty about doing that, but I'm telling you don't. As long as there is mutual respect, you owe her nothing.

[Asker]

Whoa, an essay, lol. Muchas gracias, Sally. I appreciate the advice, and I think this will be the best thing to do for my situation, as well. I still love her, but I don't think I want much interaction with her unless she treats me differently. We'll see how it goes, though. Thank you again.

[Opinion Owner]

De nada, princesa :)

If you want to talk about anything, please don't hesitate to send me a message :)

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for the BA :)

[rp52077]

my sister and brother take my food no matter what i do and they eat it then they won't me to make them food and i only 10 i am a girl

[Sapphire55]

Well my brother (3 years older) used to HATE me until he graduated high school. He actually got his girlfriend to think I was a horrible person and the only reason he did this was because he was pretty much my idol and I wanted to do stuff with him. So I feel ya there on the hating for no reason part. But it got better. It might just be an age thing for you guys still, or its possible that your personality's are just so different.

My mom has a brother who is 2 years older and they did not get along at all until she was in her 30s and even now they still fight every once in a while.

[kmhco]

My sister is the same way. Fortunately she moved far away when she graduated high school and we rarely see each other anymore. I just started responding to her with comebacks when she is mean to me. That or completely ignoring her mean comments.

[innerstrength]

I have been in a similar situation my entire life. The antagonizing always comes in some type of form. It took me years before I could deal with it in a healthier way. It ended up causing me to avoid nearly my entire family & I could not trust anyone for years. I was the black sheep & felt like I did not belong.

I finally realized that it was due to an older sibling who antagonizes people to make themself feel better & lives a rather miserable life.

At this point, I have been able to deal with it in a mature way. Ironically, I am the youngest & have become the mature sibling.

I developed a core of inner-strength & my resolve shows. I hate to see people treated like crap because I have been through it myself. I have never resented a family member or treated any of them like I was treated-That is not me.

It took years of concentration to rise above the effects. I still have to deal with it to this day. It is difficult to deal with immaturity, but you have to keep it all in perspective. It is never going to go away, so you have to develop a skin.

[jimmy217]

im a middle child so iv been on both ends of this...i am mean to my little brother when I want him to leave me alone because he is always up my ass. My older sister sounds a lot like ur...im guessing they do it for the same reason I'm mean to my brother. After she moved out it helped some. I don't know so maybe give your sister some space. How much time do you spend with her?

[Asker]

I don't spend much time with her. When I leave in the morning to get to class, she's already left for work, and she gets back late, and when she does get back home, she sometimes doesn't even say hi to me. But when we do talk (a few times a week), she always treats me like crap.

[jimmy217]

have you ever asked her why she acts that way towards u? Maybe she takes out all her frustrations from work and others things out on u

[Asker]

I've thought about that, and I have asked her before. She claims she doesn't treat me badly, and that if she's ever rude to me, it's because I provoked her. I can understand if she's stressed, but I don't think that's any excuse to treat someone so badly. Oh well.

[jimmy217]

maybe record it one time. If she sees what's she is doing it might help. Or ask her how you prevoked her. Maybe she is just a bitch =/

[stevo]

I have an older sister that I have ZERO contact with-but it isn't because she's mean, it's because of her life choices, and how she's handled her life. But if I had a sibling like this, I'd keep my distance from them. It's emotionally abusive and very damaging to you. I'm sorry that she's doing this :(

[mortablunt]

Nothing. It was a rare day when I wasn't beaten or humiliated. All I could do was wait for college and indulge in escapist video games, music, literature, and anything to get me out of that hell.

[yanago]

usually me and my bro would. get back at each other twice as hard until our mom got pissed

[Anonymous]

I don't like any of my siblings the only siblings I have feeling for is my little sister

[Dom163]

I'd be like when did I get a sibling