Am I wrong for asking my daughter to do my hair and makeup all the time?

[Anonymous]

My daughter is really good at doing hair and makeup. I often would ask her to do my hair or makeup and she used to do it no problem. Lately whenever I ask she comes up with an excuse not to do it. It kind of makes me upset because I give her a lot of money in allowance even when she doesn't do her chores. I also have been putting money in the bank almost every time I get a paycheck for her since she was born so she has almost $200,000 put up and Im not rich but I do a lot just being thoughtful of what she will need. Also, I see that time that I ask for as quality bonding time. One day I had a date with her father and asked her to do my makeup and hair and she said she didn't feel like doing it anymore because I know how to do it myself and I'm using her. It hurt my feelings because how can I be using my own child and plus with how much money I put away for her and give her all the time I figure that she is being paid more than enough to do me a small favor once in a while. Am I wrong?

[Effably]

Pause and consider her perspective.

Money you are putting away for her? She'll love you for it when it changes her future. But today? Might as well not be happening. A hypothetical reciprocated act years into the future is not going to make you feel valued in the present. Is it part of making you a good mom? Totally! Can you expect any kid to think it does? No.

Allowance? So what? She is not your employee. Her friends likely get an allowance without doing work for it. She might absolutely appreciate it but it is no different than making food. Yes, grateful, but it is an expectation.

So what we really have is you asking her to spend time doing things for you, while you do a lot for her no doubt, she is not seeing that. Of course she will feel that you are taking advantage of her. Repeatedly being asked to do nice things for someone else will eventually go from quality time to feeling used.

I do not want to insult you because I believe your heart is in the right place, but did you ever stop to see it from her view? Now if you both did that together, helped each other and such? That might qualify as bonding. What you described? That's you using her. Oh you sre giving her the deal of a lifetime from an adult view, but you're still buying her services. People rarely like their jobs, even if it starts as a hobby.

You can ask though! But for the forseeable future, maybe offer to do her hair instead? Turn it from her working for you to you two being besties sharing with each other.

[Anonymous]

So basically you think that she owes you and you’re entitled to having your hair and makeup done whenever because you do what a parent is supposed to do? Have you always so begrudgingly been a parent? The things you do for her should be out of pure love and selfishness not with some backhanded idea that you should be paid back in some way.