Would it be rude if I talked to my friend about her weight gain?

[Pink2000]

Now I’m not the type to talk about someone being fat cause I’ve been fat myself and I believe you should love your body. However, my friend has always been on the larger side but in that past couple of years her weight has significantly increased and now it’s affecting her health ! I’ve always tried to get her to come work out at the gym with me and she’s gone a couple of times… but that’s like 4 times in the past 4 years. she now has hypertension, heart problems, and asthma from her weight gain. She’s over 300 lbs and I’m starting to get concerned. She’s only 24 and to have all these health problems so soon makes me scared for her. She has told me that her doctor and her family told her she needs to lose weight and it hurts her feelings. She gets really defensive and claims she only eats 1-2 meals a day so she’s not unhealthy so I don’t say anything… but it’s really concerning now. She just got diagnosed recently and that’s why I really want to say something now

[Sonorous]

Eh who cares if someone thinks it's rude. Being healthier should trump emotion in my opinion. Because in this reality it's either be healthy or suffer & die sooner... I think being perceived as rude is a worthwhile trade off if we're talking about extending someone's time here in reality.

But the gym is only gonna do so much for an obese person. An obese persons body would be better off just walking around outside at a slow but consistent pace. Repetitive low intensity & low impact cardio like that tends to be the best for fat burn mode & best for the long-term due to the movement being less likely to make their bodies compensate by reducing neat levels.

But of course, the most important thing is calorie restriction. For instance, I haven't changed anything about how much I've been working out or how much cardio I've been doing & I've lost 6lbs this year so far through just reducing my calorie intake consistently. Even if I did cardio, I'd likely only burn around 300cals max on average doing a lot of walking. Why do all that to burn 300cals when you can just skip the krispy kreme donut. 🤣

[Bricealan]

@Sonorous I have the same issue with close friends, and you are correct, but how to approach is a problem for me also. We all know and understand the current National health crisis with obesity, and I have seen the same problem outside the United States while in Europe.
I agree with you 100% but how to approach the person is difficult in my view. ,

[Sonorous]

@Bricealan - Yeah approaching people is probably really difficult because many people with addictions don't like to hear just how bad their addictions are. The best place is one from care & ofc to avoid making people cry you'd likely have to keep telling them your intentions as you're giving the advice.

Me personally, someone could just tell me straight up that I'm getting chunky & that I should drop some. I'd agree if I agree & wanna get slimmer & then simply drop into a calorie deficit 🤣

[Bricealan]

@Sonorous Upon returning from military duty, my MD, giving me my "post military" duty, asked me how much I weighed... I told him (165) He said..."I would not put on any more weight if I were you"... I took heed and got down to 145 in a few months and took up running/racing, and won a few trophies... it became my life style and I have always maintained the lower weight.
It is a lifetime commitment

[Sonorous]

@Bricealan Hell yeah that's the best type of advice tbh. Just casual & honest truth. I'm with you on staying lean. Once I get to sub 12% bodyfat, there's no going back to being above 15% unless I need to seriously bulk hard for some important purpose. The trade off just isn't worth it in so many ways. Especially now that my knowledge & experience has increased on the dangers of higher fat levels.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I think you must do what's right even if people hate you for it, if something happens to her you'll most likely end up hating yourself for not saying anything or at the least trying to help her, I think no matter how you say it it will hurt her feelings but there comes it time she will reconsidering what you say even if it's to herself and she never admits it, I think her considering helping herself should be your goal, if she later comes to clarity and asks you for help then that's the best results you can get, the worst is that you lose a friend, although I believe it's good to have hope that even if that happens, she will come to the realization that you were trying to help her.

[Pink2000]

Such great advice !

[NoDecision]

I'm sure she already knows that she has a problem. You would have to address the problem with great sensitivity and caring. The main problem is that unless they want to seriously lose weight, they won't be open to any talk about their weight.

[Apple1996]

What's the reason for talking to her about it? I'm sure she knows that she's overweight

[Pink2000]

Well if you read the full post I said because it’s affecting her health… she just got diagnosed with hypertension because of her weight.

[Apple1996]

Okay but what is you talking to her gonna do? Like I don't get how it would be beneficial when she's already aware of her problem

[Pink2000]

Clearly I don’t believe she’s fully aware and she seems to be in denial. If it comes from me she may start to make some changes because she knows I truly care about her and I don’t want her to have poor health …

[Apple1996]

How could she not be aware if she's been to the doctor? You saying something will just be a way to shame her

[Pink2000]

Because she’s in denial? I really don’t want to shame her at all. I want her to take it seriously because obesity kills.

[Apple1996]

I highly doubt it. Most people know when they have a issue. I've been around addicts all my life so I know that bringing up their problems will make it worse for them and make them feel shame (obviously food is a addiction in this case). They are aware of their own issues and have to work on it themselves to get better

[NoDecision]

@Pink2000 That is not good, because hypertension/stress can lead to a heart attack, which is the main cause of death in women, even over cancer.

[porschelover65]

If you are good friends, who else would or should do it? She may need to be made aware that others can see the change, which may be more emotional than physical. There is nothing worse than emotional illness as many don't see it as an illness, or people with it don't want to admit it.
IT TAKES A STRONGER PERSON TO ADMIT EMOTIONAL UNWELLNESS! I know; I was one of them! After the Vietnam War, I didn't see/think I was unstable until I saw how unstable I was and was called out on it by MY BFF, a lady friend I had known for several years.
BE HER FRIEND. PLEASE DON'T OPEN CONVERSATION ABOUT HER WEIGHT, BUT GET TO IT IN WHLE DISCUSSING MATTERS.

[Friendlybro79]

No don't bring up her weight gain but bring up healthy activities that you both can do together. Walk, workout, hike, whatever.

She's already hurt about her family. I have really obese family members and trust me they know they're fat and they are stuck in a rut. No one needs to tell them that they're fat they already know.

Leave that out of the conversation but feel free to ask and involve your friends in healthy solutions.

[Lokiion]

No it's not rude; it's necessary she is slowly killing herself maybe she really is eating 1-2 meals a day but get her to track her meals and what she eats and see what the calories and macros come down to for the week and see if you can get her to adjust to something healthier also offer to workout with her

[DryGermanGuy]

Those people have to reach rock bottom to really change their mind and some of them still won't do it. An obese guy I once knew changed after he was denied an important operation because the doctor feared he's in danger of not waking up anymore from the anesthesia.

[Pink2000]

That’s true but sometimes rock bottom is too late 😕 I fear she’s just gonna continue to gain weight until she’s bed bound.

[DryGermanGuy]

Then you have to hope she doesn’t turn her parents into co-dependents with the main task of keeping feeding her.

[Pink2000]

Her parents are gone.

[DryGermanGuy]

Then she might try to guilt-trip some friends (i. e. you) into helping her.

[NathanDavis]

make it about her health, not her weight...

make it about your love and concern for her, as your friend

more than pointing out what she already knows... try to get her to actually tell you, about the actual struggle with it, and listen to her... rather than "telling her"

[Bklynbadboy12]

Nope that's not rude at all that's what a real friend should do. Talk to her about how her weight gain can effect her health

[Pink2000]

You’re right ! I’m not sure how to bring it up.

[Joshydavid25]

No, that's the definition of you loving your friend.. To tell her the hard truth for her sake..

[PeterLegg91]

Wait till you and her do something and when you both get back in private mention it to her, how it's worrying you now

[AviatorTom]

Yes, that would be rude. She probably already knows she's putting on weight. Be a good friend and do healthy things with her, but do not mention weight.

[smahala1991]

Sometimes you have to have uncomfortable conversations, but always do it in a kind way

[In_Trance]

Yeah I think you're out of line by bringing this up

[Jennz6]

Pretend you don’t notice