Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she gained some weight?

Question

First i want to say my girlfriend is not fat. She did gain some weight, but not like a muffin top or anything like that. 3 days ago i said "you packed some pounds", i'm a joking type of guy so she thought i was joking but i told her that she gained some weight in all seriousness. I told her it's not a big deal but just letting her know. Then all of a sudden she got emotional and to my surprise she was saying how fat she was and if i still loved her and just dumb things like that. Of course i told her i loved her, and told her that is not fat but she gained some weight. The past 2 days she has not been the same, she doesn't really want to hangout with me and earlier today we went to go eat out and she said she didn't want anything, I thought she was kidding but she literally took nothing. I told her to just forget about what i said. I know the food she liked, so i ordered it for her but she still did not eat.

Was what i said bad? I want her to eat and not starve herself. When i told her if she's eating proper meals she said "it's none of you business". I never knew she was that sensitive. Again she is not fat but just gained some weight. What can i do?

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Um, no its not wrong for you to tell her that. That is just her being sensitive as most women are when it concerns about her body. She is sensitive because she wants to look good to only please you. That is the sole purpose of why many women becomes emotional about their looks. Because if your not attracted to her then your bound to stray. I'm not you would personally, but that is often the case with many men who no longer feel sexually attracted to their partners and wives.

Overall just tell her that your sorry and you won't comment on her weight again. Just don't say anything unless it warrants for serious medical attention. And if she asked you about how she look, just tell her that you won't answer if she is going to freak out about your honest. I just say this. If the person can't handle the truth and brutal honesty, then they shouldn't ask. You didn't know, so don't beat yourself up too much. Just forgive yourself and move on after you apologize. Now if she just complains after you apologize to her, now she is just being very unreasonable and you should just ignore her for being childish. Again, not saying that she is. I said IF she complains after you apology. Then don't stress it anymore.

AlyLane · Accepted Answer

Lol haha I am imagining my boyfriend telling me that I had gained a couple pounds and yes, I would be sad and upset. My first instinct would be to be hurt, astounded, and wonder if I'm attractive at all anymore. Then feel bad because I want to look good for him. Total downward spiral. But I would try not to take it too personally and quickly remember how to be rational and a few pounds is not the end of the world. Just lose the weight.

So to fix this, simply explain to her that no matter what you still find her attractive and that you are terribly sorry. Explain to her the things you like about her (physical things would be good). And that she is in such good shape and her body is beautiful so she could lose the extra 5 pounds easily, IF SHE WANTED TO! Remember to add IF SHE WANTED TO. Either way it doesn't matter to you and you love her just the same. You will never be 100% forgiven on this, so shoot for about 85% forgiven.

RJGraveyTrain · Accepted Answer

I don't think there's any issue with necessarily showing concern for your partners health, but there's better ways of going about it than: "You've packed on some pounds, just letting you know."

Women are sensitive about their bodies, for obvious reasons - we're basically raised to be that way and statistically speaking an estimated 30 million individuals (many of which are women) will suffer from an eating disorder in their lifetime, to get a real idea of where the issue lies.

I think a better way to approach it would have been to say you both need to start eating better and exercising more collectively. But perhaps I'm a touch on the biased side, being a female with a history of eating disorders.

Ratiocinative · Accepted Answer

There's nothing wrong with skipping a few meals. I do it all the time. I'm a powerlifter and recently started MMA training, and trying to drop weight to get to a competition weight. I've lost 9 lbs in the last 13 days alone by training a couple hours a day and eating almost nothing. Not feeling tired at all. I have lost some strength, but I still bench 335 @ 180, and you're going to lose strength whether you lose 9 lbs in 13 days or 13 weeks. Better to drop fat quick and bulk back up.

Your approach with her is what you did wrong. You should have made it a team effort. You should have said something like, hey, we've both put on a few pounds, lets skip dinner and go do something fun or have great sex or whatever. Just apologize, tell her it came out wrong, and that you just want her to be happy and healthy, and that you two should do it together.

Women are emotional and they react to the things you say emotionally, even if you make a logical statement. She just wants to know you find her attractive and the way you went about it makes her doubt if you do.

ProbablyTooMature · Accepted Answer

"To your surprise"? Really? It's sad how oblivious some people are. The only thing you should do is apologize to her and drop the subject. If her putting on a few pounds is a big fucking deal to you break up with her and let her be with someone less judgmental than you.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

There are some things you can never "joke" about. Telling someone that one of their loved ones has died is never a joke. Telling your girlfriend that she has gained weight is never a joke.

As a general rule, a joke is when you say something and somebody else laughs. Did anyone laugh when you said that she had packed on some pounds?

Claiming that you said something as "a joke" is a very thin excuse for saying things that hurt others. "You are a complete moron with a little dick!" Hahaha. ROFL. Oh, I just meant it as a joke!

Get the idea?

Imbisexual19 · Answer

Lol dude USE TACT. Want to fix it? Text her THIS.

"Baby I messed up. Im REALLY sorry. I am stupid. I made an observation and then said it rudely. What I meant is that you gained a little bit of weight, but you've gained HEALTHY weight. You're by no means chubby or fat. You're the sexiest to me. I'd rather have you this way than underweight. I'm really sorry that I had the wrong word choosing. You definitely still need to eat, if you developed an eating disorder because of what I said I will be VERY sad. Please forgive me. Like I said, you're the absolute sexiest girl to me and I was stupid."

Say THAT.

lumos · Answer

She is overreacting a bit but then again, clearly this is the type of thing you shouldn't say to someone unless it's getting serious and their health is on the line. Her gaining a couple of pounds is not even mentioning. Most people's weight fluctuate a little bit depending on some circumstances. Pointing it out is just straight up unnecessary, unless (like I said) it's seriously affecting her health. Which it isn't because we're talking about a couple of pounds here. Watch your mouth next time and try to apologize to her.

fuqthegovt · Answer

Women take everything so literally like that. Once a female friend of mine showed me one of her pics back when she was 5 years younger. I told her as a joke "Woah! You used to be a hottie, what happened?" and she took that as "You are so fat and ugly now", called me mean, and went crying on her friends' shoulders for 2 weeks after even though I told her multiple times I was joking. She acted like everything was fine the whole time after that too, I had to find out I made her a depressed wreck and she was mad at me from a mutual friend. That was 16 years ago, these days I play it safe simply don't include them in my jokes and don't take them to comedy clubs out of fear of the comedian picking her out of the audience for his routine. As far as telling them my honest opinion of they don't want it they shouldn't ask for it and I don't volunteer it if it's going to be viewed negatively.

vonasaurus · Answer

you're an ass. i don't blame your girlfriend one bit~ she's hurt, and you owe her an apology.

"i never knew she was that sensitive."

bullshit. all women who don't look like supermodels are sensitive about their weight because we're taught to measure our worth by the half-pound. telling a woman that she's gained weight is like telling a guy that he has a small penis~ even if it's true, you keep your mouth shut.

Weirdlybeauty · Answer

Never tell your girlfriend that she gained weight. And never say like let's go to the gym together or for a run if she hasn't before. She will automatically assume that you think she is gaining weight and is fat. My boyfriend likes to hold my sides during sex and I say don't touch my fat. He replys well it hard not to. Well that takes me out of the mood and I become sensitive.

pooper89 · Answer

Well. That's essentially a cardinal sin. Whether you're a guy or a girl or her lover or her mother You should never ever ever ever ever tell a girl she's fat or that she's gained weight.
She has already 100% realized this. She doesn't need you to let her know that it's noticeable.
It's a hard blow to the self esteem

RachelBrigs · Answer

Why point it out? She knows. Most people know.
Her thought process is probably "he pointed it out bc he doesn't like it. "

It would be different if you were like oh did you gain a little weight? You look really good or whatever. If you had no opinion of the weight gain you probably should've said nothing

Infynis · Answer

I've told a girl that once, and she definitely wasn't happy at first, but I had a particularly good dialogue with her, and it ended up working out fine after a couple minutes of talk. I doubt it would work in a normal situation, but we've basically sworn each other to honesty about stuff like this. Overall it just makes everything easier.

AustinMan · Answer

Not only were you wrong but you win the clueless dumb ass award combined with a CRI with special circumstances. CRI is cranial rectal insertion. Leave that topic completely alone unless there's a compliment in it or you're ready to take the heat for saying something.

SheSugarcoat · Answer

I dont get this "dont ever ever tell a girl she gained weight" BS. As an ex fattie, I can honestly tell you that I didn't realized I was getting bigger. Only when a close relative had the balls to say it to me I took notice and did something about it. It's not a big deal to comment when your girlfriend or boyfriend is getting fatter. Better now, when is just a few pounds, than when she or he is a fucking whale. Good luck.

Madarafla · Answer

Woah you can't be serious, you sure don't know how women work.
For her it's like you just said "you look like a fat cow" even though you didn't mean it in a bad way, girls take this kind of stuff very seriously, our appearance is very important for us and we care what people think, especially a partner.
You fucked up, it's all I can say.

Geministar16 · Answer

Well, I know it wasn't intentional... but thats a very sensitive topic for a lot of women. If it didn't really change anything, why say it? :S i know you didn't mean it as a bad thing...

snowangle · Answer

Yeah, never ever tell a girl she's gained weight. I promise she knew already without you having to tell her.

Elarra · Answer

Bruh, whhhhhhhhhhhhhhy did you do that? You don't tell her she gained weight, I promise you, she already knows. You should tell her she's beautiful and you love her and she's gorgeous. Geez...

DodgersGM · Answer

Did you tell her because you actually thought she wasn't aware? Because -- no offense -- but that would be so, so dumb. lol

Trust me dude. She already knew. She was already not thrilled with it before you decided to point it out.

Shorty1991 · Answer

She probably noticed that herself, hoping that you don't notice or don't comment on it and that you'll still love her regardless. If you didn't have a problem with it, then why did you mention it in the first place?

Afrochick · Answer

NO NO NO MOTHERFUCKER NO
NEVER EVER COMMENT ON A WOMAN'S WEIGHT !!!

That is like penis size or height to a man. Consider you're punishments:

A) Silent treatment
B) Once word answers
C) No sex for a month
D) Staying at her moms

YourName123 · Answer

telling her is tough. Losing interest in her becuase she gained weight is the alternative.

Best bet - find a girl with a thin mother who has good health habits like diet and like working out.

This is a very tough situation, especially in the industrial food inactive worlk we live in.

most 20 year olds do not have the experience to understand this

rjroy3 · Answer

She's going to be very self conscious about it for awhile. All you can do is give it time. Let her know through your actions that you love her and find her attractive. Should blow over in awhile

Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she gained some weight?

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