Family & Friends

How do you handle an abusive parent as an adult?

My dad used to physically and mentally abuse my mom when we were kids. He also cheated on her several times and since my mom, he’s cheats on every other wife or girlfriend. He also never put us first and always his current partner.
His parents always called my mom a gold digger for wanting child support. My dad’s parents did take us on getaways and paid for extra lessons for us when we were kids but as adults they turned a blind eye.
My brother lived with my dad for a year and left. I lived with him for 5 and they were hell. He blamed his marriage failing on me even though he was an alcoholic and a cheater with issues (he would tell my friends this when we were like 17/18 in high school).
My dad and his parents have done a number on my mom and us kids but always fall back on “but we’re family” and “unconditional love” when you try cut them off.
My dad said it was unbiblical when I was getting therapy in high school (he was yelling at me and I peed myself). I told him I had gotten molested and therapy was to help deal with that and he shrugged and said to me “I’ve been through worse”.

Now, my brother and I are in our 20s and he tells me I need to move on and stop talking about it all. I can't.
He’s also now friendly with my dad and still close with our grandparents and I feel like it’s a backstab. I cut all ties with the family 3 years ago but now my gran is dying and my brother is angry that I hold all that against the family.
There’s 10x more than what I’ve spoken about with our family.

I can’t let go what my dad did to my mom or us, his kids. I don’t understand why my brother wants me to fix things with these people either. I don’t understand how he’s still friendly with them all too after everything.
My brother and I are meant to be close but now I can’t help but feel a wedge. I won’t ever trust to turn to him if I had beat or cheated on or anything.
How do you handle an abusive parent as an adult?
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