How to stop feeling inferior around people?

[Anonymous]

I feel inferior around people. In my head others are always better than me in everything. Probably my mindset was formed by my family that was too harsh to criticise but never ready to compliment. We're Asian. When I was a kid I'd often see parents bragging about their children's achievements but my family always seemed kind of apologetic about my existence all the time. I was a straight A student though, later a university gold medalist. This apologetic attitude wasn't limited to my studies, it also extended to my looks. When my neighbors or relatives body-shamed me my parents never said anything to them. So as a teenager I saw myself as a failure. Growing up I realised I've tons of insecurities.

Now whatever I achieve I feel like an imposter, it is as if I'm getting things I don't deserve and anyone any day can find that out. I have recently joined a university as a research fellow. We all had to take tons of tests and interviews to reach here and probably my fellow scholars are just like me but I still can't be normal around them in fear that they are too much better than me.

It has impacted my personal relationships as well. As a teenager I was a bit shabby. I was always told by elders as well as my friends that no man can like a woman who looks like me. Those words have impacted me so much that I can never believe that anyone from the opposite sex can be remotely interested in me. I have kind of made peace with the idea that I'll never have any romantic interaction.

However, I know this isn't healthy. Should I visit a therapist? Any advices on how to deal with this type of feelings? Thanks!

[Effably]

You very obviously should visit a therapist if that is an option for you. While you're a bit of a stereotype, no offense, that also means your feelings are fully justified as this is what happens to a lot of people in your situation. You're not wrong for not being immune to things that the rest of the world also struggle with.

I could tell you that you sound like a high achiever. That it sounds like you're on a good path. That your parents likely love you even if their way of showing it hasn't resonated with you and that it is not your fault that you as a kid were not more insightful about emotions than them as adults. Could go on. You'd mentally nod and agree, it might even fee good to read. I doubt you'd accept it. Understand? Absolutely, you seem bright enough. Accept? Probably needs work.

If a psychiatrist is an option go for it. If not, a good friend to confide in will do wonders too.

[BonzoInBitburg]

I know how you feel. My wife is Asian and has a lot of insecurities because Asian parents are HARSH. They are still hard on her. Just set your own goals and live your life for you. When you achieve a goal, celebrate. Your parents might mean well but it's time to politely ignore them and do what makes you happy. I met my wife when she was 32. She was burnt out at work and it her health was suffering and she hasn't worked since. Take care of yourself now before it's too late.