Is it fair for my aunt to ask me to be home more often?

[Nicholas1302]

My aunt lives with me, and has trouble walking. I go to hangout with my mom a lot. My aunt had a talk with me about a week ago. She said that she doesn't like how im with my mom as much as I am, because she feels safer when I'm here, and that she feels jealous. She said she feels lonely, and wants someone to talk to. I told my mom this. My mom, and aunt were talking the other day, and my aunt told my mom that she doesn't care if I leave to go hangout with her. So I don't know if she's just afraid to tell my mom how she really feels about me spending time with her, or if she's messing with me.

[HollyK21]

Is your aunt not allowed to live with your mom? I saw you mention the other day that your mom offered you to go live with her again so the space is clearly available. It sounds like she just doesn’t want to deal with her, and that isn’t fair. You suggested your aunt live in a home and although she doesn’t want to I think that’s the best choice because you're not her spouse and shouldn’t have to take care of her as if you were.

[Nicholas1302]

Yeah my mom simply doesn't want to deal with her. Also there is a large set of stairs at my moms house, and there is no way my aunt could get up, and down them all the time.

[HollyK21]

If there’s a room downstairs then your aunt should be able to stay there. If the rooms upstairs, she could have one of those chairlifts installed, I think they even have a version for apartments. In any case, I think the biggest issue is that your mom doesn’t want to deal with her so she pawned her onto you, and that’s just not ok. You shouldn’t be more concerned or burdened than her own sister. So I definitely think a home should be considered. Either that or a caretaker who comes in to help with her. But something has got to give.

[Nicholas1302]

All those suggestions should work, but I forgot to mention. They aren't sisters. They've just been friends since before I was born. I've always just called her my aunt. A lot of the time I forget she's not my actual aunt.

[HollyK21]

Omg!! If you wind up posting about Thai again, I’d really include the part about her not being your actual aunt because that’s super significant. Like this is basically a family friend, that’s even more incentive to put her in a home. Now I see why she’s so comfortable wanting you to sacrifice your life to tend to her, she may see you as more of a partner/spouse than a nephew. Not saying there’s romantic attraction, just that you are filling a role that she wasn’t or isn’t able to fulfill right now. That’s not cool.

[HollyK21]

**about this*** I don't know why it autocorrected to Thai lol

[OneViewpoint]

Let me get this right. You're a 31 year old guy who has his 55+ aunt living with him. And you spend a lot of time with your 55+ mom but that makes your aunt jealous and lonely. Just out of curiosity, are you from Alabama?