Why do I have such terrible friends? nobody ever wants anything to do with me?

[MusicTokuXX]

I mentioned to my friend i was in japan until the 15th on the few days before he left for japan, he apparently was there since the 2nd, but he never told me he was there! And I’m already home! Wtf is that? Apparently he was “Busy taking care of family business) which is bull ofc cuz i was there for 3 weeks, he was there around the same time, i certainly know a real friend would make the time because we’re friends

Updates

5 mo

And the fact that the “family business” practically took 12 days to finish. We could have met but it’s like he didn’t want anything to do with me cuz i literally told him i was there

[HollyK21]

Unless you guys specifically planned that trip together then I wouldn’t have any expectations of being shoved into his plans. Friends or not, it’s ridiculous to think someone should rearrange their plans just so you can bogart them just because you got bored and wanted to fill your free time. Thats nobody’s problem but yours and it sounds like poor planning on your behalf. You should've arranged to have your days and time filled accordingly. I’ve been in the same city or state where a friend was and my only plans would be to try and squeeze each other in if we found time. I’d never imagine calling them terrible people because we couldn’t hang out.

[MusicTokuXX]

I mean he never even told me. I told him awhile before. Like i was messaging him and i thought he was still in our home state. He said “h was taking care of family business” but like what family business takes around 12 days to finish, yeah that’s the amount of days i had left when he came to japan

[HollyK21]

He probably didn’t tell you because the trip wasn’t for leisure. If he says his family business took 12 days, then it took 12 days and it doesn’t need to make sense to you. He doesn’t even owe you an explanation of what he’s doing to be honest but he gave you one anyway and it still didn’t suffice, which actually says more about you as a friend than it does about him. You don’t have all these questions when someone says yes so why does No require an explanation that makes sense to you? It’s ridiculous.

[MusicTokuXX]

He never said it took 12 days, he just said he was busy during that time. You sound so hurt, I don't know why you’re attacking me! You definitely never had real friends either

[HollyK21]

Let’s not do the gaslighting, nobody is hurt and you don’t know me personally to make such a statement. You sound like YOUR feelings are hurt, because rather than accepting that your friend was busy, you’re throwing this big temper tantrum. Way to center yourself and be a bad friend all in one. I have most certainly had real friends and still have them, and we show much more consideration to each other than you seem to ever show for your friends. I would never give one of them a hard time for not being able to hang out and vice versa, for you it makes or breaks the quality of the friendship and that’s just so selfish.

[HollyK21]

@Abbycado I’m “attacking him” 🙄 what the actual fuck.

[Abbycado]

Wtf...

[MusicTokuXX]

@HollyK21 do you not know how real friends should be? Even i know no way he was busy for 12 days straight because i was messaging him a lot. I don't know why you’re attacking me like i’m the one in the wrong!

[HollyK21]

If I’m traveling to do work with my family then that’s what my trip is gonna be about. That’s the priority. Not entertaining a “friend” who just so happens to be in the same place. You clearly won’t be satisfied unless you got a detailed breakdown of his entire trip and in my opinion that’s not only weird but very entitled. If he’s a shitty friend in your eyes for not being able to make time for you then please do him the massive favor of being rid of such an selfish individual. I cut off anyone who was like you years ago and you are reminding me to never regret it. You have no idea how an adult friendship should function. It’s one thing if you made plans but he never put that on the table and told you he already would be busy. I guess that doesn’t matter in your mind though.

[MusicTokuXX]

He didn’t even tell me. He said he was there since Dec.2nd, i was there since November 30th, and until the 15th. I told him when i was messaging him back then, that i was on a trip, he didn’t mention once that he was in japan that most people would mention if it was relevant

[HollyK21]

What’s the point in mentioning that he’s in Japan if he can't hang out? Like think of how that conversation would’ve went:
“Hey I’m in Japan”
“Oh cool I’m in japan too”

Okay, then what?

[Abbycado]

Check DM, Holls 💕

[HollyK21]

I’ll check now!💛

[MusicTokuXX]

@HollyK21 you sound really negative about this whole thing, you don’t know what a real friend is. He couldn’t possibly have been so busy for 12 days. He’s still there for crying out loud

[HollyK21]

That’s a deflection, answer my question. Where would the conversation have gone after he told you he was also in Japan?

[MusicTokuXX]

I would have asked him to meet up. Hang out. He could have shown me around since he apparently has family here so he’s been there a lot.

[HollyK21]

Exactly, you would’ve asked to meet up. So why would he ask that sort of question when he knows where the question will go and he knows he can’t commit to doing that?

[HollyK21]

I think the fact that these friends of yours can never hang out with you and that’s the bigger problem, so fix it by not asking those people to hang anymore. Get new friends, something like that. But what you really should do is stop making this situation a problem just because you aren’t happy with how that man’s schedule is in general. He was and is busy dealing with family, and could not make plans with you. You have no proof to call him a liar and honestly no place as simply his friend. If you wanna turn this specific situation into an issue then you better have some facts to back it up. The only way you can do that is to demand a full breakdown of his time in Japan. Ask about his family business, what he was doing at this or that time in the day, etc. but I’m sure that even you understand how invasive and inappropriate that is as a friend. I noticed in another comment that you claim to have zero social skills, so that’s probably why you’re both lashing out at me and unable to grasp what I’m trying to say.

[egan3141]

Some people don't want to deal with friends while on vacation. Other people are shitty friends. All you can do is hear their excuse and decide for yourself how to deal with it. As for why you have terrible friends, probably because you stay friends with terrible people. I have essentially 0 friends because I haven't found anyone I consider good enough to call a friend. I have lots of acquaintances though.

[MusicTokuXX]

I have zero social skills, they are terrible. I have autism. I have made many friends in my school days but nowadays I’m starting to wonder they are my friends at all

[egan3141]

The first thing is to define friend. The word friend means different things to different people. For me, a friend is someone I can turn to for help, but also someone that I enjoy spending time with and do actually spend time with when it is convenient to do so. If someone doesn't fit those things for me, I consider them an acquaintance.

[AngryCarl2]

Japan is a big country. It's not like popping around the corner.

[MusicTokuXX]

Not the point, He should have told, I practically had nothing to do for the last few days of my trip, and we could have met up and hung out. But he just didn’t tell me he was there

[Anonymous]

At least you have some kind of friends, I have none.

[MusicTokuXX]

I have no friends, none of my friends want to hang out or meet up. Nobody even contacts me regularly like normal friends

[Opinion Owner]

I know the feeling :(

[In_Trance]

did you ask your friend wtf?

[MusicTokuXX]

I said it in my post, but He said “Well im kind of busy so” that he was “busy taking care of family business”

[In_Trance]

And then what? You seen pretty upset about it. Did you push the issue further?

[MusicTokuXX]

Wouldn’t you be upset? Or a little frustrated. That your friend was on a trip in the same country as you and they didn’t tell you even tho you told them? Like we could have hung out or met up, most real friends would do that!

[In_Trance]

But what I'm asking is, if you felt that passionately about it, did you reach a resolve you were happy with?

[MusicTokuXX]

Nah, i just told me i understood, there’s nothing i can do about it. Because real friends would have made the time, he said “Well im kind of busy so” meaning he doesn’t want anything to do with me!