Family & Friends
2 mo

How do I cope with a constantly negative, victim-minded mother?

I have a mum who is often very negative and constantly complains about the same issues, but at the same time she says she doesn’t want help or advice. I find it difficult because if someone doesn’t want support or solutions, it becomes emotionally draining hearing the same complaints repeatedly without any willingness to change the situation.

She seems to feel that everyone is mistreating her, but she doesn’t appear to understand why some of my other siblings have chosen to distance themselves from her or why people may not want regular contact. I’ve tried to be patient and supportive, especially since I’m one of the only siblings who still keeps in contact with her, but it’s becoming exhausting.

I think she has become stuck in a victim mindset due to difficult experiences in her life. I understand she has been through hard times, and I do have empathy for that, but at some point people also need to recognise their own behaviour and how it affects others. Constant negativity and complaining without trying to improve things can push people away.

She often complains about her life and where she lives, and while I understand she is struggling, I am struggling too and need to focus on building my own life and looking after my own wellbeing. I also feel conflicted because she doesn’t want me talking to others about our conversations, yet she relies heavily on me emotionally. As her child, I don’t think it should always fall on me to carry that emotional burden, especially when I have my own problems to deal with.
How do I cope with a constantly negative, victim-minded mother?
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