Do you envy people who are genuinely close friends with their family?

Question

I'm really jealous because my family are very strict people. I'm 21 years old now, and the last time I went to the beach with my family was when I was 14. Even if I make plans with my family, they don't come, especially my father. My friend's father kisses and hugs my friend, saying "my dear girl, my beautiful girl," and my heart breaks. My father acts like I'm not his daughter. The last time he hugged me was when I was 7 or 8 years old. He doesn't even celebrate my birthdays. Why is he acting so cold towards me?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

I’m sorry to hear your family is like that , my Dad wasn’t close to me either , but he was close to my older brothers , but for whatever reason he really didn’t want to be close to me ever since I came into this world , apparently I was an accident and my Dad tried to convince my Mom to abort me but my mom said No way , My Dad is a selfish abusive alcoholic POS person that was abusive to all of us, even my Mom for a little while, but my Grandfather an end to that real quick , and told my Dad if he ever lays a finger on his daughter ever again he won’t be walking , so it ended at that moment , I asked my mom why she didn’t leave him , and she said because she loved us boys’ so she mainly stayed for us , my Dad got a little better through the years , and had somewhat of a change of heart , but him and I never really bonded so I just learned to accept that he didn’t want to be a part of my life so unfortunately my Dad has been dead to me for pretty much all my life , I did have a loving mom and 2 older brothers that I was close to , but unfortunately my mom and oldest brother passed away 4 years ago , and all I have left is my 1 brother , which I am very close to , but we don’t get to see each other that often , and my Dad now lives with him I told my brother to kick him out of his house but my brother won’t , because my Dad is on good terms with him , I always called my brother the Golden child and my brother agrees that my Dad wasn’t good to me whatsoever , so when my Dad dies , I am probably not even going to shed a tear , I honestly feel like he killed my Mom as well , with all the stress and abuse and control he put her through through the years , because my mom ended up dying when she was 68 years old from heart failure , also she was devastated after my oldest brother passed away 3 months prior to her dying so her heart gave out , losing my Mom and oldest brother back to back was devastating to me and my life hasn’t been the same since , all I really have left is my living brother , My Dad is now up in age and he is finally somewhat making an effort to get to know me , but he can’t be consistent with it , so I stopped trying , I will talk to him here and there but not for long. So the best thing for you to do is just focus on yourself and get on your own 2 feet and just accept that your family is assholes and surround yourself with people that want to be a part of your life that want you to be a part of theirs and act like your family doesn’t exist , I know it sucks but one thing I learned in life is that we can’t make someone love us or make someone be a part of our life if they don’t want to. So just move on and realize it’s their loss not yours.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Happy happy birthday may all your dreams and wishes come true

And I so sorry about the gift. I was trying to send you something so very hot and sexy

But then the mailman showed up and started yelling get out of the mailbox now and get those damn stamps off your ass. Yes sir sorry lol.. so maybe next year I'll try again

Life is so weird sometimes you grow up and you have kind of this tight family bond but not really

Or you grow up and you don't even know your parent s are one of your parents until you're 30 something

Are you grew up anything about things that you wish you would have got to experience

And you can feel sad or bad about anything or everything

But then you have to ask yourself what was the learning experience that I learned from going through all this pain

It's one thing that it happened to you but it's another thing if you didn't learn from it and you do the same thing with your kids and your family when you have them

But I hear exactly what you're saying because I'm kind of went through the same things and I can only say is even though I kind of wish that I would have had all these things from my parents

And I think about it
But then I have to say yesterday is gone it's over with it's too late

I can only learn from their parenting mistakes and hope that I do not do this with my children

You have to accept it acknowledge it And Let It Go Because it's not doing you any good By holding on to it And

Hoping somehow tomorrow would change But it's over with You have to break the cycle that's your job Got to learn something Very powerful And Hopefully When you have your children That you make them understand That you will always be And this is the way that you like it by showing them the gratitude and the love that you have towards an at all times And teaching them to be the best they can be

You can't change your past all you can do is learn from it and then make your children future a beautiful one

You just have to make sure that you let go of all the hurt and all the anger and the pain and not take it out on your shoulder even by accident

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

If you’re still living with your parents, then start saving to move out. You can’t grow when you’re stuck in the place that’s crunching you down, so it’s time to leave. Space did wonders for me, when I didn’t have to see my dad every day it made our relationship less of a focal point. I was better able to turn my attention to other things and find both happiness and fulfillment without being hindered. People like you and I can look forward to starting our own families, and healing old wounds with new memories.

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

Well, you learned how to NOT be a parent from them.

My growing up years I didn't have a father at all. And my mom and sister were so different than I was.

But I think that it's people like us, that because of how we grew up, when we finally have our own little family, we are excellent parents and our house is a happy and loving house.🏡

Quiet_Man · Answer

I don't, but I am not cold either, it might be because i compensated with spirituality. It's good that as an adult you still haven't given up.

And still i think it can be viewed as a good lesson, i think this: don't get too attached to specific comforts. Be attached to the act of care and kindness itself.

Your father doesn't provide unconditional love. You are safe to admit that, worst case would be lying to yourself and saying "unconditional love is useless".

That's a real occurrence. Some people think love is useless. Your father might be one of them.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

There is no close family on earth that does not have standards and if you do find a family that is close and does not have rules of conduct laid out, everybody in the family will be desperately wicked and guilty of criminal activity, so I do not envy anybody's family, because nobody gets a free ride, if their is no financial cost, there is a emotional or social cost, to being in a tight family.

Brendan824 · Answer

I wouldn't say envy. In fact id say it warms my heart. I was in dcf since I was 3 and was seperated from my brother at like 7 and didn't know I had a sister until my 17th birthday. and saw my mom max 4x a year (ended up dropping to maybe 1x a year from age 14 to 18
I do wish my family could've been closer but Mom was the glue that kept us together but she passed away and we're kinda just doing our own things now

Masie · Answer

I can't say that I am because I am close with my family. So I don't really have that problem. Sorry that your family isn't close. That sucks and not something I would like.

molonski2 · Answer

I would have loved to have had a close family , too late now , it did shape my life.

QuineJessica · Answer

I also don't have an easy relationship with my family, except for my grandmother and sister. Happy birthday girl !🫂❤️ 🎁🎊🎂🎉🎈

DishLady · Answer

Meh. "The grass is always greener on the other side." If someone makes it look like their life is perfect they're usually hiding something... and that something is none of our business.

naowhat · Answer

if you're comfortable sharing, was there tension growing up that may have caused them to behave this way towards you? or is this just how they are?

i've had family issues growing up, and i've been jealous of others who are close with their families. one of my closest friends from highschool's family told me they see me as their second daughter, and it meant the world to me. to this day, i could go to them at any time if i ever need anything. it's really a blessing

Alex-Snow · Answer

It can be more difficult for some guys to show affection or emotions. But it should not happen between parents and their kids. Have you talked to your mother about it?

exitseven · Answer

my wife had a very close family which was the opposite of what I had. Sometimes I wish that I had a close family and sometimes I wish my wife did not.

Veronika_p · Answer

My family is close to me, what you go through must be really hurtful

Pterodon · Answer

Not really. Family can be a pain in the ass big time

FrodoSkywalker007 · Answer

I have some struggles with mine, so yes.

Staximus · Answer

Happy birthday! 🎉 🎁🎂

Khyabaldwin31 · Answer

Yes I get the same way

loveyouoak · Answer

I don't.

In_Trance · Answer

Nope

Anonymous · Answer

No..

Do you envy people who are genuinely close friends with their family?

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Do you envy people who are genuinely close friends with their family?

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