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Why would my mother lie for years that my father never loved or wanted me?

I have great childhood memories about my father my parents had me when they were young in highschool at some point my parents would fight with each other my dad would punch my mom I saw when I was about 7 at the time my parents sepárated when I was about 8 or 9 I can't remember.

My mom took full custedy of me move to a diffrent state. My mother would always tell me that my father hated me never love me I believed my mother when I, was age 12 enough aged to understand my mom would constently tell me that my father wanted her to abort me so I stop asking when I can go visit my father. I gráduated highschool my father try reaching out but my mom never give answer went off to college and continue moving on with my life.

It wasn't until I reform a relationship with my fathers side of the family especially my aunt one day she told me oh so you really think you father never loved you she told me that my father always wanted to see me I did not believe my aunt it wasn't until she showed me an old video tapes and old TV from the 90s she showed me that taped about when I, was born according to what my mother told me my father was not present at the day of my birth and I believed my mother. The taped that my aunt showed me was proving a diffrent thing my father cut of the umbilical cord started to cry he hold me in his chest and started to cry.

Why in hell made my mother lied to me about my father? Yes I will never forgive myself for refusing to speak to my father. My father is almost 50 and he has cancer. I hate myself I have so much guilt.

Why would my mother lie for years that my father never loved or wanted me?
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