Could you pursue someone who has slept with a friend?

Question

How badly does having a friend's seconds affect you? Could you pursue a relationship or would it be a one nighter? I personally don't think I could handle a relationship with someone who had a one nighter with a friend but I'm not the most emotionally mature person. Any stories?

Answer 1

may04 | 92 opinions shared on Family & Friends topic.

Yoda

It has a lot of factors: which friend was he with?(some of my friends would be sensitive to this, others wouldn't care) what kind of relationship did they have/how was the breakup? (if it was serious/long term or messy break-no, if it wasn't and they just fizzled out/mutual breakup-maybe)

how recent did this happen?(a month or two ago-no, 6+ months- maybe) what is my friends current relationship with this person? (even the slightest hint of feelings good or bad is a no. If they're totally off the radar maybe)

Overall it would have to be that one in a million type connection for me to even consider it, and I would make sure that my friend isn't going to be hurt by it, as they are more important than a bf.

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Answer 2

craZy_4_musiC_o0

Xper 6

I'd ask that particular friend whether she still had feelings for him, whether she thought it was OK if I dated him. but not if I just think he's cute, but if I really came to like him when he was with her.

when I first read your question I thought you meant whether I could date someone who has previously slept with one of their friends, as in friends with benefits. that answer would be no. I wouldn't/couldn't date a guy who felt it so damn necessary to sleep with one of his friends just to get some action. if you dated someone and it didn't work out and you stayed/became good friends, OK, that works, but just getting a friend of yours to jump in the sack with you because you're horny is not OK for me.

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Answer 3

cazza3 | 106 opinions shared on Family & Friends topic.

Yoda

Noooo couldn't go there. Was in this situation a long time back and even though he was, still is, a great guy and very good looking and everyone commented on how much he seemed to like me the fact that he slept with one of my best friend was a major, immediate turn off

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Answer 4

NicholasHalden

Xper 7

Under no circumstances should you go after this person. This would make you look bad and your friend. There would be no line according to another if they saw you take her. It is better to keep a respectable way of dating then getting second servings of a girl your friend just had.

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Frunkiss

+1 y
What do you mean there would be no line? Like they would make fun of you? Not respect flirting boundaries or something? My friends are d***s and they totally would make it weird with jokes and stuff. Although after a while I think they would give it up and just accept it.

Answer 5

Frunkiss

What do you mean there would be no line? Like they would make fun of you? Not respect flirting boundaries or something? My friends are d***s and they totally would make it weird with jokes and stuff. Although after a while I think they would give it up and just accept it.

Answer 6

GingerRage

Xper 6

It means too much to me. I won't consider it.

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4 People

Answer 7

taster

Xper 3

Affects me big time...and I have discussed this on here.,.NO!...I have no use for virgins and I am fine with having a sexual partner that has "experience"...but NOT with friends and family..if that makes me a redneck..than proud to wear the title...(:(:(:

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Answer 8

Anonymous

I'm currently seeing someone who has slept with 2 of my friends, and more recently I found out she had a one night stand with my brother about 2 years ago. It put me off her big time but I learn't to ignore it as my true feelings were still underneath, it's in the past, I'm not going to stop pursuing someone just because who she's been with just as I hope they won't with me.

I just asked them if they had a problem with me seeing her and none of them did so here I am now and I'm glad I pursued her, even though there's a little banter between us

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1 Person

Answer 9

Freetobe007

Xper 5

No. Never. The whole idea just seems weird to me. I wouldn't like my friend knowing what my man's stuff down there is like and how his bedroom moves are. It just seems inappropriate and sleazy.

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taster

+1 y
You have some quality assets..we talking mind..OK?..I think that you might just do OK when you meet your SO
Freetobe007

+1 y
lol taster, my friends always tell me I'm too picky but this attitude is how I stay out of a lot of bullsh*t.

Answer 10

taster

You have some quality assets..we talking mind..OK?..I think that you might just do OK when you meet your SO

Answer 11

Freetobe007

lol taster, my friends always tell me I'm too picky but this attitude is how I stay out of a lot of bullsh*t.

Answer 12

Anonymous

I don't see a problem with it. My current boyfriend dated many of my friends before he started dating me. All the relationships were short and the breaks were clean. Also, I had a one nighter with my boyfriend's best friend. They love to make jokes at my expense because of it, but I roll with it. We're all friends, it's all good.

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1 Person

Frunkiss

+1 y
In theory I don't see a problem with it but I just hesitate when the opportunity comes up. It just feels weird. It is not for everyone. I'm surprised all of those people are cool about it. My main concern would be going out and someone saying something rude or constantly bringing it up but I guess if you just take it as a joke every time things are easier.

Answer 13

Frunkiss

In theory I don't see a problem with it but I just hesitate when the opportunity comes up. It just feels weird. It is not for everyone. I'm surprised all of those people are cool about it. My main concern would be going out and someone saying something rude or constantly bringing it up but I guess if you just take it as a joke every time things are easier.

Answer 14

HardAppleCider

Xper 6

Why would this bother me in the slightest? I seriously don't understand.

Is there a good reason to be bothered here?

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Frunkiss

+1 y
You can probably tell from the other responses what the issues are. So if she slept with a good friend that you were going to see a lot it wouldn't make things awkward?
HardAppleCider

+1 y
Insecurity seems to be the issue here. People are afraid that the woman would go back to the friend, or that being with her would hurt their friend's feelings; at least that's what I'm getting from the comments.

People are silly. These fears should be tossed aside. The chances of finding somebody that's compatible are small enough that non-deviant sexual history should not be an issue, even if it's with friends of yours.
HardAppleCider

+1 y
Maybe I'm like this because I was kind of forced to be. In the community I grew up in (my teen years) pretty much everybody knew any one person; if not directly then through a friend, or a friend of a friend. Most people my age slept around a lot, the guys and the girls, so if I wanted to get any at all, well this "couldn't" be an issue.

I still think my logic is sound down below. Why refuse happiness over something so trivial?

Answer 15

Frunkiss

You can probably tell from the other responses what the issues are. So if she slept with a good friend that you were going to see a lot it wouldn't make things awkward?

Answer 16

HardAppleCider

Insecurity seems to be the issue here. People are afraid that the woman would go back to the friend, or that being with her would hurt their friend's feelings; at least that's what I'm getting from the comments.

People are silly. These fears should be tossed aside. The chances of finding somebody that's compatible are small enough that non-deviant sexual history should not be an issue, even if it's with friends of yours.

Answer 17

HardAppleCider

Maybe I'm like this because I was kind of forced to be. In the community I grew up in (my teen years) pretty much everybody knew any one person; if not directly then through a friend, or a friend of a friend. Most people my age slept around a lot, the guys and the girls, so if I wanted to get any at all, well this "couldn't" be an issue.

I still think my logic is sound down below. Why refuse happiness over something so trivial?

Answer 18

bunnyfrancis

Xper 6

i wouldn't care. I'd just make sure it was cool with my friends and if they said they didn't mind then I'd probably still go out with him.

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Answer 19

kheserthorpe

Master

I believe I could, but if she didn't sleep with me as fast as him, no.

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Answer 20

Anonymous

I coyuld not, unless I had a really great connection with that person..everyone has a past and I'm not going to hold it agaist him if I really like him..

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Answer 21

Anonymous

Never. I can't even bring myself to be attracted to my friend's seconds. Nasty...

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Answer 22

Babygurl2012

Xper 6

I couldn't do it but hey to each there own I guess

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Answer 23

enlightened

Xper 6

no

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Answer 24

Anonymous

I wouldn't have a problem with it.

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1 Person

Could you pursue someone who has slept with a friend?

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