Why does he flirt with me in private but barely talk to me in public?

[jessierae]

We've been friends for over a year, and over the last little while, some of my friends have started thinking that he might like me, though I'm not so sure of it myself...

The reason I'm asking is because he is pretty much always flirtatious over text or Facebook, or when we're hanging out alone, but as soon as we're in a group of people, he barely talks to me. We're in the same group of friends, and his best friend/ one of my closest friends is also in the group, and really the only time he talks to me is when the two of them are making fun of me (all in jest).

It seems like he likes me when we're texting, but as soon as we're in a group of people, it's like he's got a completely different personality and starts acting incredibly awkward around me, like he knows I like him, but doesn't feel the same way.

[iamtheworst]

Even though this is more or less resolved, answering for future readers: I agree with the couple of commenters who say it seems like he doesn't want others to catch on that he likes you. I am currently the girl in this situation right now with a guy who tends to avoid sitting directly next to me or making significant eye contact with me in group settings. He'll talk *around* me in a group, meaning he might acknowledge my presence in subtle ways such as mentioning to the group/someone else an inside joke he and I find funny, or alluding to someone else something he and I have talked about. But no major interaction or eye contact goes on. He's not a shy guy at all and the moment we leave that group, he might message me and continue our convo at the level of enthusiasm I'm used to when it's just us. In our situation we are coworkers, and our chemistry is obvious, so I am sure he doesn't want the office speculating. I don't think he's embarrassed of me personally but it's a delicate situation and I respect that.

So, if your crush maintains a pretty good relationship with you outside of that group, I'd take his relative group silence as a good thing for now. :)

[talias288]

He's not serious about you or he's embarrassed or somehow not wanting others to know he likes you. For example in school a lot of people pressured me to date this popular, but fairly chubby guy. I agreed to a very brief 2 week dating period. Afterwards I broke it up. I was actually interested in his handsome older brother and would talk to him on the phone. When I said I liked him more so than his brother, he said that was messed up. He still talked and flirted with me though. I asked him to sit with me the next day. Then when he got on the bus he wouldn't have any eye contact with me or acknowledge me. It was back and forth until I got sick of it and told him off. Years later he came back having gained weight and hugged some old friends including me. Actually, I just wanted to shake his hand, but whatever.

[Stacyzee]

A song that almost fits this word for word is,

Avril lavigne - complicated.

He is afraid has to what his friends may think if he comes out with the fact that he likes you.

To get to the bottom of this ask him

When you two are alone,

"Why don't you treat me like this all of the time."

You can dig in the surface and get some real answers out of him.

[surferstud]

I would say: Trust your own feelings, and do not over rate your friend's comments: if you are not sure he likes you, he probably doesn't. What's more important is: do YOU like him at all? Because you didn't mention that at all, so I am wondering why you are wondering whether he likes you. Maybe you just like the attention?

Also, a guy who flirts with you in private, but ignores you in public is most likely a d***, so better find a boyfriend who treats you in the same attentive and charming way, whether you are alone or in public. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

He is shy. He doesn't know how to express his feelings, especially in front of other people, because feelings between both of you would be personal. Also, maybe he isn't sure about your feelings towards him, and he just doesn't want to make the wrong move. Also, guys aren't great at expressing their feelings sometimes. Communicate effectively, and there will be no confusion.

[Opinion Owner]

It is much easier to "flirt" over a text than in person.

[Opinion Owner]

If you are in a group of people, any talk of personal things between both of you would be far less, if you were in a relationship. That is because strangers are in your personal space. You would share things with your boyfriend, if he later is your boyfriend, but probably, both of you wouldn't share your personal things with your friends.

[Anonymous]

to be completely honest...its just how it is in todays world.

think about it, some people text each other all day and talk about hanging out, saying what's up etc... when they meet in person, its just awkward silence and they have nothing to talk about.

ppl nowadays are better at interacting through technology than in person...

the younger generations rely on Facebook, twitter, instagram, thousands of text messages a month, etc. their real life social interaction skills are going down the gutter.

one of my professors even pointed out this problem by saying much of the younger adults nowadays have no idea how to act and talk in person during job interviews. they just have a nice resume but no in person social skills.

[Anonymous]

I'm like this with a girl I like. There are multiple reasons.

1. If I say something stupid I don't want other people to be like wtf and make comments about it later on or even right at that moment.

2. I can talk about personal things with her and get her to open up better when others aren't hearing the conversation. It's kind of odd listening to a certain personal problem she might have when others are listening.

4. I'm kind of shy

5. Guys have to listen to a lot of bs from other guys whenever they figure out you like a girl cause they are probably jealous or they just like to give you a hard time.

The main reason though is to be able to connect with her on a more personal level.

[foxsquirrel]

Very interesting. It looks like he does not want other people to know that he likes you. I actually hate to show my feelings for the one I care about in front of others because I do not want others to speculate and have fun gossiping over the most personal thing - my girl. They can do their own lives!

But there might be a different reason. It could be anything. Perhaps you can confront him and ask him why. After all, his the only one with the true answer!

[Anonymous]

Shy ?! same here with a girl. I actually asked her if she likes me. probably freaked out and said no. didn't tell her I like her so maybe that's why she said no. but usually does the same thing. when there's a small group she's OK, when there's a bigger group or certain people around, she forgets who I am, so to speak

what I'm saying is ... he probably likes you but for some reason is shy to show it around others.

[Anonymous]

hes ashamed of you lol have you ever seen the show awkward? on mtv? lol you're like matti and jenna at the beginning of the series. now you just have to find another guy and stop flirting with your friend and then when he realize you're with someone else he's gonna want you again.

[islands7]

Because people w/o a life love to gossip & nip the bloom in the bud. Grow this in private, don't be shy.

[InquisitiveMale]

He is afraid of public forms of affection by the sounds of things.

[Carnage]

Truth: He doesn't care about you, he just wants to f*** you for fun, not love. I suggest you stop contacting him and find a real guy to develop a relationship with.

[why-makoto-kun]

He is either shy or doesn't really like you.

[GayHowellMeme]

Because that's what men do.

[KaranSharma55]

shy one