My friend didn't invite me somewhere, should I be mad

[TimePhantom]

This is actually the second time he has done this. I am upset, and I don't really know how to handle it. Basically I asked if he wanted to go see a movie on Friday. He then has to admit that he made plans to go with a group of mutual friends a few days later, and tells me "I should go." He never invited me, and if I hadn't invited him and caught him I would have never known he went with the other group. He's done this twice. Also, he's just been avoiding me in general lately. The last few times I've invited him anywhere he either doesn't respond to my text or says he'll probably go, and then never shows up. Do I say something to him, do I let the friendship continue to just fizzle out?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for your advice everyone. I've realized for some time that this friendship was fading out. However, I have very few friends, he is one and unfortunately the others usually don't act much better. I guess I'm afraid to just end it because I can see myself ending up friendless very quickly. A bad friend is better than no friend maybe? We're in a band together that has really gone downhill, however I can't even leave the band because that is my social life.

[GoodManDave]

Ugh. I've had that. I've had small groups who would invite everyone but me to small group events. I have had too many "friends" claim they couldn't go out that night; then I'd go out anyway, and see them there with other friends.

And, I don't have them in my life any more.

I realize that at the moment I have about two tiny separate circles of friends; one not very good; the other being slightly better (with some members being truly great genuine friends), but a majority still do a bit of that.

I'm trying to cultivate other friendships, ones where I'm not dependent on one group for my fun. I still try to go out and do things by myself so I can still have fun so I'm not giving myself a chance to get mopey about being alone and cooped up in a house.

My viewpoint is that certain friends don't have to invite me to everything. When someone is busy, or being rude, then I don't always want to be around them. Everyone deserves a life outside of someone else. I try not to pester the same people each week. So no, an specific friend doesn't have to invite me to everything.

But when we're a part of a select group, and everyone is invited except me, then it's rude. I'm not hard to get along with. I'd like to think I act fairly positively. I don't usually start arguments unless someone is WAY out of line. That's when I have a problem. When I find out about it; it hurts a little. But I just put them in the back of my mind.

My advice would be to get other friends. Genuine people outside of this group that you can hang out with; people who will invite you to events. Also, go out and do stuff when you can. This way, you're not reliant on a person or little group for your fun.

[NicholasHalden]

He does not seem to care. In generality, his personality is self-centered since he does not seem to invite you. He is a user because he seems to only invite his "mutual friends" instead of you which means he deems you as a categorical friend for some usage (likely intellect or money). He is a proximity opportunist which means when it is only near, he will take it like when you had planned to go to his destination so he took you since you are near. Also he is a not really interested in your life since he has been avoiding your contacts. I had a friend like this and I had to cut that string binding him to my social circle. Just do not contact the narcissist friend and let him live in his own disillusioned world. When he needs you, he will contact you and then you ditch him like he ditched you.

Good Luck

-Nicholas Halden

[Cj4TheWin]

I would wait and see if he comes to you, maybe he just needs some space. I sometimes don't want to hang with a friend because I've been doing a lot with him/her lately and just want some space, but you can't really tell them that.

If he hasn't talked to you in one/two weeks I would ask him if you did something wrong. If he doesn't give you a reason or if he gives you a stupid excuse. F***him.

[TimePhantom]

He's been on vacation the past 3 weeks, and I saw him once this past week for band practice. I don't think space is the issue.

[Cj4TheWin]

Then confront him, refer to my last sentence to know what to do with his answer ^^.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

It sounds like you guys are not as close as you think. Does he consider you a friend, or more like an associate? Just let it continue to fizzle out because you've done your part, you can't force him to want to hang out with you.

[Betwyn]

um.. isn't telling you that you should go...

Inviting you?

[TimePhantom]

It is but he only did that because he was forced to tell me he had already made plans with the other group. If I hadn't invited him and made him have to tell me that he had already planned to go a few days later then he never would have invited me. It would have been a real jerk if he told me he had these other plans and not invited me.

[Marrryyyyy]

friendships shouldn't cause stress. for me its a 3 time rule. if you mess up majorly 3 times, you aren't worth my time anymore unless you are seriously willing to change significantly.

[YoshQ]

Maybe he doesn't like you. Should probably leave him alone.