Why do girls change when they get a boyfriend?

[melissle]

All three of my close friends have become involved in serious relationships in the past year. Apart from the fact that they stopped contacting me (and still don't unless I contact them first), I find that when we hang out, they're not very fun anymore. I noticed this particularly recently with my very best friend of 10 years - she acts very bitter towards me these days and never invites me to go clubbing and doesn't reply to my messages. She always asks her boyfriend and her other friends. And when I ask her to do things, she has excuses like 'not being able to afford it'.

I have to admit, I feel pretty damn hurt and I think about it a lot. Being single, it makes me sad that I've lost 3 good friendships over guys. What happened to having a balance? I have always been so loyal to my friends - I even turned down a date from a guy to see a concert I really wanted to go to because I promised my friends that we'd have a girls night out! Why don't my friends feel the need to reciprocate the loyalty?

[Cromartie]

All humans change when they get a serious partner because they are preparing for the serious dedication of parenting and genuine partnership. This in turn can mean cutting people out of the act that the partner does not like; so if her boyfriend doesn't like you for whatever reason you might get the boot. The reality is that very few relationships that don't begin in college are lifelong particularly because as people develop sometimes they develop apart. The things you both loved at 7 or so may agitate one and entice the other at 17 or in your case probably 21~22.

Also, you're not losing the friends over guys. Lying to yourself only makes the wound deeper. It has nothing to do with the men for the most part; the choices to change are entirely those of the females in question. Offloading blame is just going to lead you to false comclusions about the nature of humans. Your girflriends are pressing on into a totaly different era where you're not really up-to-date and honestly it may just not be viable for you to hang with them. They sit and talk about their men and how great they are or how imcompetent they are and you'd be ... well a third wheel.

[melissle]

Thanks for such a thoughtful response. A lot of the things you said struck a chord with me. I've only met her boyfriend once and we got along just fine. My friend is a very jealous type though, and she's told me many times to 'let her have the attention for once'. I'm not an attention seeker, I'm actually very shy but I'm also relatively attractive so I can't help it if guys talk to me before her when we are out (sorry I know that sounds really arrogant). I think she feels like I will steal him.

[melissle]

It's true what you say about my friends pressing into a different era, I remember going out with them both once & the whole time we did nothing but speak about their BF's. To them it may have been interesting but I could have walked out and it wouldn't have mattered because I was not able to make any contribution anyway. It's such a sh*tty situation. I know I should make new friends but I find it hard being shy and given my age (20) to develop new friendships. Everyone has friends already :(

[Cromartie]

Well now you just cited all the more reason for her to kind of cut you out of the picture. Fear is a strong motivator.

[Cromartie]

As for being the third-wheel and making new friends honestly friends make themselves if you are open to it. You don't have to try; you will simply find people you agree with or disagree with and they will interact with you and voila. Most friendships, longlasting or otherwise, are completely accidental. You don't have to do anything but participate in real life. I'm sorry that your friends have kind of pressed on but don't fear; you will get your chance to have someone else be the awkward one.

[Anonymous]

That is girls for you - they always put men before their friends.

[MikeK]

Actually, guys do to ;)

[Opinion Owner]

Bros before hos dude.

[melissle]

Of course guys do too! My friend's Boyfriend is actually my brother's best friend and he doesn't speak to my brother anymore either!