When is your awkward stage over?

[Anonymous]

I'm a teen (sophomore) and I'm in my awkward stages of a teenager. I feel so self-conscious all the time about my looks(my face mostly) and I feel so ugly and disgusting looking. It really gets me down and I HATE taking photos because I'm always the ugliest one there. I really hate my smile also and my height(I'm 5'11) and the way I'm built. I'm not fat or anything but I have like no curves. Which is weird because most women in my family do. My mom and sister have big boobs but me no I have a small chest and like no booty at all:( when are these stages of a teen over? I really hate myself at the moment and I wish I was gone and not here anymore:'(

[JohnScofield]

STOP. You are making me want to bang my head. :-)

Your LIFE is not your sophomore year. Your sophomore is a snap in time of your entire life. It is a stage, and this time next year, you will be different in many ways, and the same in others.

You are not going to be defined (unless you allow yourself to be) with whether you have big boobs or little boobs, a big bootie or a little bootie, whether your face is "perfect" (whatever that is) or not "perfect." You are going to be defined by the things that you can control like: Being compassionate, empathetic, faithful, honest, kind, fun, a hard worker, etc. You fill in the blanks.

There are meaning hurting messed up people in the world. The great thing is, you have time to grow, mature and make a difference. You can smile, love other people, be a positive influence. You can CHOOSE not to worry about the things you cannot control... or you can choose to worry about them, and watch your life float by.

Finally there is a very famous quote - "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." I love that quote "WHATEVER IS TRUE, NOBLE, RIGHT, PURE, LOVELY, ADMIRABLE - think about such things."

Is that what you are thinking about? Perhaps you should sweet one...

[Asker]

I see what your saying but for some reason I can't look past it:( I see myself everyday in the mirror and pure hate and discomfort comes across. I occupy my time because I play sports from school but even that doesn't distract me from how I feel:'(

[JohnScofield]

well.. umm I am 6'7" I like tall girls! Also girls are notoriously bad at put the "ugly" goggles on when looking at themselves. maybe you need to get rid of your mirror! And just because you "FEEL" something does mean it is true. You have to have some will power to keep moving forward. Don't exchange the truth (That you are lovely) for the lie (That you are not).

[Asker]

Wow your 6'7 you don't see that around much where I live lol. And I know I shouldn't be thinking that way because everyone is beautiful and unique in their own way. I just can't help feeling like I was a mistake compared to other girls. You know?

[JohnScofield]

No... I am not a girl, so I don't know. I know that you are were wonderfully and beautifully made. I know that you are thoughtful and introspective, I know that you are still growing and maturing and have the entire world to conquer. I know that there are over 6 BILLION people in the world and you are NOT natures mistake.

[Asker]

If I wasn't a mistake then why was I supposed to die when I was born. I wish I did at times:( I feel like I'm walking through a court room everyday at school because I feel like I'm being judged and I get so paranoid.

[JohnScofield]

if you were supposed to die when you were born, you would have died. You didn't **GASP** MAYBE I AM WRITING TO A GHOST! But since I think I am not, you didn't die.

Who is judging you? Do not take this the wrong way but two things to think about:

1) Most people don't have time or want to judge others and 2) those that do, have plenty of things wrong in their lives and what that they have to say is not worth listening to.

[Asker]

I just...ugh idk. Fml I want this part of my life to be over with. I can't stand feeling the way I do. People say you need to have confidence in your self but I just can never achieve any. It makes my life so difficult because when I have my breaking points I feel like I just don't wanna be here anymore. Like I wouldn't even care if I died right now.

[JohnScofield]

You are lucky I am not there... I might have to give you a dutch rub!

[Asker]

Lol umm a Dutch rub?

[JohnScofield]

yes a dutch rub... you know when you put someone in a headlock and then rub there head until it gets hot! You are DETERMINED to be sour and not listen... so I think it might take some violence to get you to quit being Eeyoer! ;-) And see you did smile!

[Asker]

Lol just a little smile:) an ugly one but still I smiled:).

[JohnScofield]

pft... friend me... we can work on making it a bigger one.

And are you missing teeth?

[Asker]

No! I'm not missing teeth I just don't like it

[JohnScofield]

I know you aren't.., that was why I said. Did you smile a wee bit? Also is it crooked? (which is always kind of cute) Gaping? Do you drool? Giggle-snort?

[Asker]

I didn't smile I fought you were being serious lol

[JohnScofield]

see I made you smile again!

[Asker]

Omg I wasn't smiling!

[JohnScofield]

Pity... you should have been.

[R3alGuy]

OMG you sound just like my girlfriend. Okay look number one, DOMT YOU DARE HATE YOURSELF. You have low self esteem, just like the other 86% of your class. It's a teenage phase, as well as something that can carry on through adulthood. BUT the way to gain confidence is to find reasons TO be confident, you sit there looking at pictures of you and friends/people and automatically look at your self and complain, look for reasons to say I look good in this picture, almost everything you said can be physically changed- your self conscious but your probably really pretty. If you REALLY are un happy, study.

By studying I mean find colors Tha match your skin so that Your brighter in your photos, you sound like you could be a model size? So find clothing that how's your figure, not pants or dress that doesn't fit your butt, but that makes it look good, and so on, now a makeover really for help, and boost confidence, but I guarantee you nothing's wrong with you.

[Nicci]

Your awkward stage will never end until you learn to accept yourself.

Listen all girls feel these things, even the ridiculously good looking girls sometimes feel ugly and hate themselves, your looks is NOT how you learn to love yourself.

What guys mostly find attractive is confidence, lack of confidence is one of the biggest turns offs to both girls and guys, THAT is what is attractive NOT your looks.

I understand how you feel, I felt those things before about myself but I got over them, you can do that as well.

You've still got a lot of growing to do anyway, I'm only 17 (I've no idea what age a sophomore is) but you seem to be roughly my age? You've still got more than a few years of growing to do with things like your boobs, I really wouldn't worry about that sort of thing right now.

[kmhco]

I used to have problems with the way I looked. I got over it by the time I got to college.

What you need to do is stop thinking about your looks. Seriously, just stop. Focus more on the person you are on the inside and being the best person you can be and I promise you won't feel so bad anymore. It won't be easy since it sounds like its become a habit of yours to pick on every little thing about yourself, but its something you really need to do.

A while back I read about a fad of not looking at any reflections of yourself anywhere for a certain length of time. It might do you some good to try that for a bit (like 30 days or so). Apparently they are called "mirror fasts" or something like that. Here's a link to a blog someone did on it.

[bebin]

hey, I have a similar body type to you, except I'm a bit taller (bit above 6 foot). I sometimes hate feeling so tall and massive but I've found that gradually I care less and less about what others think and I've started to appreciate myself a bit more. I think once I found some really good friends, I didn't have such a great need to feel accepted by others so I didn't care as much what they thought. Try not to dwell too much on what you look like as that can make you feel worse. How you look doesn't define who you are or your worth! :)

[Asker]

In high school it seems like that is what defines you tho. Did you ever feel like you weren't good enough? I feel like I'm worthless everyday and will never be good enough for guys either.

[bebin]

well I have felt inferior and once I felt so bad that I called myself an ogre. I'm not the prettiest person in the world and I wouldn't really call myself beautiful (not really sure how other people see me though) but I know that I'm not thaatt monstrous looking. Its easy to get carried away by feelings and be a little unreasonable so not everything you believe is necessarily true.

[Asker]

Ive called myself bad names too:( once I wrote to myself" your a disgusting cow who doesn't deserve to live and should be slaughtered and should have never been created because your more worthless than dirt."this all came from a guy calling me ugly in one of my classes last year:'(. I felt horrible that whole year. I have attempted suicide because of my feelings and tried to over dose. But I failed:(

[bebin]

aww honey if only you knew just how precious your really are! another thing that has helped me a lot is my relationship with God (Jesus loves me and everyone so much that he died for us, I'm worth dying for and you are too). you might find this site helpful (you'll have to copy paste it into the browser): net-burst.net/help/feel-ugly.htm

[ketfoen]

If you keep telling yourself that, you'll probably take it all with you into adulthood and never be over this depression, because that's what it is.

You need to start looking at your better qualities and stop obsessing about your superficial short comings.

You can start by stopping reading the teen mags and trying to compare yourself with your mom and sisters, I bet they love you for who you are and not how you, if they don't then they are very shallow and you deserve a better family.

[Asker]

I can't look past my flaws because there's too many:(

[kisaragi5TH]

how would you feel if someone else called you those bad and terrible things you are telling yourself?

would you believe them and agree, or get angry at them?

[Asker]

I would probbably believe them because it's most likely what everyone else in the world is seeing.

[kisaragi5TH]

youre gonna let everyone control and dictate who you are?

[racemethorphan]

Nearly 6 foot tall and slim? DAMN that should cancel out at least *some* flaws! ;) If you have pimples, see a doctor. If you have bad teeth, get dental done. Then you'll feel like you're making progress (i.e. the future you is awesome so you can look forward to *that*).

My opinion is that your problem isn't appearance, it's mood. Maybe your brain sucks? BUT, as a wise man once said, "before diagnosing yourself with depression, first make sure that you are in fact not surrounded by a**holes." :)

[Asker]

I don't have bad teeth or pimples I just don't like my face. I wish I was thinner sometimes. And I think I have an issue there because I am skinny and healthy but I feel like I'm fat because my tummy isn't super flat:( so I see myself as fat. I just ugh I hate the way I was created:'(!

[Asker]

I know I shouldn't let people dictate me butcidk I just want to be good enough and feel like I'm even worthy enough to be living. I feel like when I hot 19 20 21 etc there with be no difference and I will just feel more horrible about myself. But I have made a slight promise if I don't kill myself in my teen years. If I live up to 21 and I still hate my appearance I will kill myself.

[kisaragi5TH]

do you really feel that if your appearance changes for the better (for you) that you will still be happy?

Why not try to be happy now and work on what you will like to improve. Because it sounds like you're wasting more time disrespecting and judging yourself than actually taking time to improve yourself inside and out...

[Asker]

I have tried to improve myself but I just feel like none of it works and it makes me feel so disgusting because it makes me think no one will ever see me as beautiful or good enough for them or want to be involved with me in that way:(

[kisaragi5TH]

you have to see yourself as beautiful or good enough before you want anyone else to...your negative attitude comes out in your attitude and the way you treat others...so if you think you're ugly and unattractive, you will act in a way like that towards people

[Asker]

I understand what you mean but I can't get myself to believe that because I don't see it. I'm like my own bully in a way. I always put my self doen and say your never right. I have even marked my body with a marker to note where I need surgery:( before

[kisaragi5TH]

the reason you don't see it because your so hung up on getting approval from others and outside sources on your own self. if you start to believe that you are beautiful and attractive then others will believe it and see it too. plus why do you focus so much on the outside. its what matters on the inside what counts. you sound very superficial.

[Asker]

:'( I'm really trying hard not be but ugh I just really try to focus on not caring about getting approval from others but I just can't. I have tried the look in the mirror and tell yourself your beautiful method but it just doesn't work for me:(

[kisaragi5TH]

its not a overnight process, you gotta believe it and tell yourself that everyday and not give a care what others think

[Anonymous]

You will find your style and you will grow into yourself more. Just focus on things you can change right now and do not worry about impressing anyone. Do things in your life now that will set you up in the future to be well off. Things will look different to you in a few years. Trust me on this. You have one life to live so please take advantage of it and do not worry over temporary things.

[guy532]

It sounds like you're on your way to becoming a supermodel ;). Chin up sweety.

[Asker]

Oh wow lol I'm sooooooooo far from being a model let alone a supermodel! I may have like no curves but trust me I'm not skinny enough(or pretty enough) But thx for the compliment:).

[guy532]

Don't be so hard on yourself, at that age people are too busy caring about their own image that they don't have time to look at other people's image. I believe it's called the spotlight effect. Just do your own thing and you'll be fine. Have a good day :)

[RedSmartie]

I felt just like that when I was in middle school, except I'm not tall.

[JohnnyTheBoy]

Girl I'm 31 and my awkward stage still isn't over. It's called adulthood, get used to it.

[Anonymous]

why do you hate yourself while you do not commit crime and nobody mocks or insults you...

[Asker]

I have been called ugly before and I just hate the way my face and sometimes my body looks.:( I wish I was someone else:(

[Iamnobody]

never. I'm socially awkward.