Can you look past physical appearance and see someone's heart?

[Rbeazz]

I used to work with a guy who said "I will never date a girl who is over 130 pounds". I remember thinking he was being a little harsh. Fast forward 8 years later and he is marrying a full figured woman. I was shocked because I remember that young and cocky guy who would never give a "curvy" girl a chance. Guys, has your standards changed over the years?

[Ingrid422]

There are some things that repulse me physically. There are few, but they exist. I have a preferable physical type, but I don't stick to ONE TYPE. I'm openminded. I've found over time that most of the guys I feel attracted to have something in common. It's usually little, such as relatively tall or a lanky body type, usually lightish hair. All of that to me, though, isn't the most important. Things can't work with a guy if I'm not attracted to him. That's for sure. But there's something very special going on when I'm with someone that I reaally connect with. You know, when you realize after a while that you really 'get' the guy and that you feel extremely close with him mentally or personality-wise. You know, when it ''gels'' really well between two people. That doesn't happen much but it has occurred recently with a guy I'm seeing. I remember wondering if this guy was my type physically, and then staring into his eyes and feeling completely absorbed by what he was saying. I remember thinking to myself "I feel completely at peace and comfortable with this person" and at that moment, I was way beyond physical attraction. THAT is what I'm looking for and everytime we hang out, I feel it again, even if I'm not even looking at him. It's a vibe I have rarely gotten, but now I value it very much.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I know I'm like that. There's certain types that I always told myself I would never be interested in but then I ended up meeting someone with that quality and I liked them. I hate to pull the race card but I always told myself I couldn't like black guys so I never looked at them in the romantic way. But now I met this guy who I work with and he is so sweet and respectful. I started to develop a little crush on him.

This isn't the first time I ended up getting feelings for someone I never found attractive before. Oh but I'm a girl so I don't know if my opinion matters.

[cotsia]

When you get go know a person you see more than appearance. Sure, we all want to be seen with an appealing guy or girl amd as corny as this sounds, when you see that that special person in your heart you see more that. You realize that its better for you to match their personality and get along that what they look like. I'm sure we've all been seen at our worst from our boyfriends/girlfriends.

Why do you think they stayed? Because shallowness fades away due to interest and the personal growth of wonderful emotions such as love and understandment:)

[AndyWes]

He must've gotten desperate, lol.

There's a difference between having too high standards, and being realistic. It's realistic that I only want to date women who are cute, in shape, and smart.

If I only wanted to date gorgeous virgins? Not realistic, I'm being insane.

No, my dating standards haven't changed. For a simple reason--dating is a lot of work. Relationships are trying. Marriage is hard, and not loads of fun.

So why go through all that agony if you're not going to settle down with someone you're fairly attracted to? Granted, it might take work to be able to get what you want. I've been spending enough time at the gym that I can preacher curl 105 pounds, chest press 85, and I am about a month away from having defined abs. I only want to date girls who meet my standards, so I'm improving myself, despite my legs and arms hurting enough that I need painkillers some nights.

Instead of nerdy shy slobs griping, "girls only want confident good looking guys" and overweight girls griping "guys only want stick thin models" why not improve ourselves?

[AndyWes]

Girls need to realize--an overweight girl is like an insecure broke guy who doesn't know how to flirt. Not sexual. Guys don't think, "I'd never date that overweight girl." We literally don't see them as sexual beings. For a girl to be a dating prospect, she needs to be attractive enough that when we look at her we think something like, "she's cute/she's hot/she's got nice eyes/kissing her is probably amazing" etc. Otherwise, sexual attraction doesn't occur, and you're not a dating prospect.

[Jonny_]

My standards don't change, dating someone I'm not attracted to isn't really fair on them. I mean imagine you dated someone and they weren't actually physically attracted to you, it's hardly comforting.

[VeohTV]

Is the reason why he's married to her cause this woman didn't give up on him?

In other words did he rejected her a few times until she won him over, after he saw how nice of a person she is and how much both him and her have in common?

[Rbeazz]

I don't know the details of their relationship but I do know that he was cheated several times by his ex-girlfriend. He took her back 3 times. Perhaps, this woman respects him and makes him feel like a secure man.

[VeohTV]

Well I want to ask you this, have you heard of some girls who tried more than once to get with a guy after he gave her the cold shoulder at first and of course the second time he open up to her?

[Rbeazz]

I haven't but I'm sure it's happended.

[Anonymous]

Well... men can't