When I was a freshman in college, I got approached all the time. I had no idea how to talk to guys and literally had no experience whatsoever. I had no confidence in myself either. But now, I feel like I'm more confident in myself, and I also feel like no one approaches me. I'm headed into my senior year of college in the fall. I feel like part of the reason might be that my best friend has a boyfriend who is often out with us, but other friends are always with me as well so maybe I'm wrong. I just don't get it!
My friends tell me I'm a wallflower haha I'm just a little shy. But once someone starts talking to me, I open up. I just never would feel comfortable approaching someone first. I've even tried to make eye contact with hot guys at bars to encourage them to come over to me, and nothing.
What could the problem be? Are my friends holding me back? Do older guys just not approach girls because they're graduating soon? I mean when I was a freshman I still got approached by juniors and seniors so I'm really lost. Do I look intimidating/unapproachable?
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+1 y
(When I occasionally do get approached nowadays, it's always just a guy wanting to dance with me or someone really creepy. No one wants to talk- I've never had a guy even buy me a drink, which obviously isn't necessary, but I feel like it's kinda rare)
First of all, congrats on the newfound confidence! I used to have the same problem. I grew into myself (so to speak) in my mid college years. I felt confident... not like my insecure high school days... so I know what a breath of fresh air it is to have that feeling! So, I felt much better about myself, but I still *acted* in a way like I did in high school. My friends still called me shy even though I didn't feel it. The trouble with that is that shyness can come off as cockiness... which few people want to approach.
Try smiling more. Making eye contact with a cute guy as you smile. A lot of guys your age are going to want the stereotypical hook up by dancing with a girl at a club, but not all. Don't be afraid to approach guys either!
Its either two types of guys, the creepy punks. Never get asked out anymore and I do my best to look good and send the right messages. Guys are no longer gutsy anymore and have been wussied out of anything when it comes to approaching a girl they think is attractive.
You are also very attractive, and I can understand how guys would be shy, especially if they are alone. Being around a lot of other girls doesn't help. Very intimidating. If you exude confidence and have the appearance and confident demeanor you seem to have, guys just shy away now! The strong and strict sexual harassment laws and whats considered "sexual harassment" has not helped.
It is more of a taught behavior than us wussing out. 60% of the women that I have tried approaching have brutally shot me down. the other 50% just walked away.
@Dim_121 I honestly think it's both, a lot of guys its more learned behavior, or unlearned as they don't have the courage or attention and putting in the time to devote putting how to approach girls much less be inclined to ask them out. The ones that do, are the guys who actually understand that everybody is rejected at some point, even brutally or ignored, but press on regardless. Unfortunately that has to include a lot of jerks and creeps. So many of the "nice guys" are misunderstood to be creeps because of how they approach or do so in a way thats awkward. So its either the "bad boys" or the creepsters.
It's because the " media " & " society " teaches men that male attention is unwanted & " creepy " by women , also a lot of men have been brutally shot down & deliberately humiliated by groups of women ( seen this a lot as door staff ) , there are a lot of women that react in a hostile manner towards men that attempt to approach / compliment women , hence men will often not approach , it's the fear of brutal rejection & of bothering women with unwanted attention. You are not alone , read this post ( some quite bitter male comments , be warned !! ) edumckaytion.com/blog/men-notice-women-anymore/
If we do try approaching women they often quickly teach us that it is a bad idea to do so. So we stop doing it because we don't like getting hurt that why. It is also why so many guys are less likely to act like a gentleman.
You just have to look more friendly and approachable. Smile more, make eye contact. I know this is going out of your comfort zone since you said that you're shy. You have to keep in mind that since you're attractive, guys are probably thinking that you're more stuck up and shy. This is why they're not approaching you.
No one can handle rejection very well and girls just love to say I have a boyfriend even when they don't because they don't want to appear desperate. So the poor guys always have to get beat up by the girls so do you blame them at all if they don't feel like getting kicked in the gut over and over?
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