He dumps me...now won't leave me alone!?!?

[Frustrated-Girl]

I was in a relationship with a guy for 9 months that was separated...then his wife moved back and he dumped me. We work together and it has been really hard on me. He wanted to remain friends which was ok for a while but I still love him. I started keeping my distance and he asked what was wrong and I told him and said he needed to let me deal with it in my own way...distance.Now he follows me around more, is paying more attention to me and I fall for him all over again and then get angry with myself...He is married and I cannot be his friend either after the kind of relationship we had. We have to work together and I find myself being sarcastic and short with him and it's like he goes out of his way to be around me or asks if I'm going to stop by the office...on my day off!I know he does not want a relationship with me like before...he can't but why won't he just let me be??? I make it easy for him by distancing myself, you'd think he'd be grateful...Is this just guilt for him? Does he really still care?Does it even matter? He follows me around and I get sucked in again...I want to tell him to leave me alone and have him actually listen so I can get over him!Anyone have answers for his behavior and how do I deal with this so I can move on?Frustrated

[marben049]

I am in a similar situation but, slightly reversed-I am the ex & he has found a new woman who is married & although he left me he still tries to pursue me even though I have tried to have no contact with him. I know how hard it is to love someone & wish that things could be back the way they are but, knowing it probably won't happen makes it hard to deal with when your ex keeps giving you mixed signals. Fortunately, for me I do not have to see him on a daily basis or I would go nuts for sure. First, I would like to say without hurting you that you should of realized that him only being separated was not a good thing- a separation is set up for the purpose of possibly working things out with your spouse before moving on to the final stage which is divorce. You ran the risk of getting involved with someone who apparently was not fully over there ex & now he has gone back to her. Being that he is such a self-indulgent person chances of that marriage working out is not good just because he is still trying to get with you. He loved the attention you were giving him & his ego can't except the fact that you want to move on. He is very selfish but, rest assured he does not really love or even seriously care about you or he would be sympathetic to your feeling & not make the break more difficult for you. If I were you, if changing jobs is not an option than I would flat out tell him that if he does not have the decency to back off & let you get over him you will be contacting his wife & really mean it. He needs to GROW UP & realize how he is ruining not only your life but, his wife's life by only caring about his own wants & needs. I hope that things work out for you in the future & what ever you do don't fall for his bs because it will never get better if you give him the attention he craves or even & ounce of hope that he can draw you back in again. Take care!

[Dollface-86]

Wow that sucks. I think he still cares for you to a degree. The fact of the matter he needs to realize is that he chose his wife over you and you need healing time. Its not wrong that you are still in love with him. When you get dumped like that and have your heart broken you need healing time. When he acts that way with you its like picking at a scab. You have to leave it alone and let it heal. You need to have a very VERY stern and short conversation with put your foot down. He needs to know that you need him to leave you the hell alone. That he needs to back off and let you be.

[mixed-signals-620]

Wow! That is very similar to the question I just posted, only my guy didn't go back with his ex he just slept with her. I wish I knew what to tell you to do. Distancing yourself is right on! I tried that too and now he is coming back to my shift. It is hard enough to get over someone when they aren't there. I won't have another work place deal I know that. If he was into you though he would move mountains to be with you. Why do men act like that? They should just let it go. I too tried the friends thing thinking this guy would get over his baggage to no avail. Good luck.

[veryoffensive]

He liked what he had with you and does not want to give it up.

Now he is trying to have his cake and eat it too.

But unfortunately, you'll always be 2nd class to him, his wife will come first.

He probably doesn't see it this way, but he is just using you. We guys never see it that way. We guys like to think we can like more than one women at once. And we can - but ultimately one (or both) of the women don't get a fair shake.

Sorry to hear you work with him, that makes it hard.

[joecollege]

These were both great answers below. I would say get a transfer if you could. You work with him, so I don't know if telling him to stop or telling his wife what he is doing to make him stop would work. I would say, just keep blowing him off and try to set it up were you never see each other or only talk about business. Would your boss be understanding to this, could he help by separating you two? Be strong and don't let him get to you.

[loveAnsweringOldQS]

I am in a similar situation but, slightly reversed-I am the ex & he has found a new woman who is married & although he left me he still tries to pursue me even though I have tried to have no contact with him. I know how hard it is to love someone & wish that things could be back the way they are but, knowing it probably won't happen makes it hard to deal with when your ex keeps giving you mixed signals. Fortunately, for me I do not have to see him on a daily basis or I would go nuts for sure. First, I would like to say without hurting you that you should of realized that him only being separated was not a good thing- a separation is set up for the purpose of possibly working things out with your spouse before moving on to the final stage which is divorce. You ran the risk of getting involved with someone who apparently was not fully over there ex & now he has gone back to her. Being that he is such a self-indulgent person chances of that marriage working out is not good just because he is still trying to get with you. He loved the attention you were giving him & his ego can't except the fact that you want to move on. He is very selfish but, rest assured he does not really love or even seriously care about you or he would be sympathetic to your feeling & not make the break more difficult for you. If I were you, if changing jobs is not an option than I would flat out tell him that if he does not have the decency to back off & let you get over him you will be contacting his wife & really mean it. He needs to GROW UP & realize how he is ruining not only your life but, his wife's life by only caring about his own wants & needs. I hope that things work out for you in the future & what ever you do don't fall for his bs because it will never get better if you give him the attention he craves or even & ounce of hope that he can draw you back in again. Take care!

[iloveyou]

I think he doesn't care. He doesn't respect his wife and doesn't respect the fact that he's hurting your feelings. He misses the attention you used to give him, so he's trying to get what he doesn't have and it's completely immature. Tell him to stop bothering you.

Be strong. You'll feel so much better after you've moved on.

[timey1]

This guy does NOT care about you. He IS using you. He DOES want his cake and eat it, too. If he really cared about you, he would not be living with his wife again. I know your feelings are strong. But they are based on FANTASY. Set yourself free.