Thinking about complimenting a married man the next time I see him, what are your thoughts about this?

[Anonymous]

Well I'm 20 years old. I have a huge crush on a man, who is married with four little boys. I know its wrong but he is about ten years older, obviously nothing will happen. But when we talk I really feel this connection when we make eye contact. A mutual friend was talking with us and she told me that I had beautiful eyes, he added in "yeah, they're nice" and stared into them for a good five seconds. I want to tell him that I think he is a very good looking man. Would he like that?

Updates

+1 y

sometimes when we are the only two around (at work) and he has to walk by me. he'll pretend like I'm not there and avert his eyes and look at a flower pot instead. May I ask why? He is in his 30's by the way.

[MandMandM]

If he thinks he's having a bad enough time with his wife, or thinks he can get away with it, he might be tempted. Ten years at 20-30 is not an obstacle to a fling.

As others said, this probably doesn't lead anywhere good for anyone, and when it ends you then have the difficult scenario of having to work near someone you had relations with and it ended badly, which would just ruin work for one or both of you as well. The maxim about don't mess where you eat is good advice.

From what you say he is a standup guy, trying to avert his eyes, and to exercise some self control. Help him with this, and do it yourself as well.

On one level he'd like the compliment about his looks, but again it doesn't lead anywhere good so I wouldn't do it.

[ladycoach]

I understand you being interested in him, but keep in mind that nothing good can come out of this. Best case scenario for you...you will be his mistress, how long would you be satisfied with that? He won't leave his wife for you, really he wont, so keep your self respect and keep it clean.

[Asker]

Thank you, that is very true. I'll be the better person and just keep things to myself, even though Its hard for me because I like to speak my mind when it comes to this sort of stuff. He is just so hot, it hurts to keep it to myself. Haha.

[Dearcupcake]

Because he probably knows he is a married man and you are a fine looking woman. That is probably why he looks away. Please don't tell that to him :( some things are better left unsaid. He is a married man and it sucks, I know!

[Asker]

Thank you so much for not being judgemental, I really appreciate it. And a great piece of advice, somethings really are better left unsaid. That really helps, and thanks for understanding.

[thedude]

Exactly what I was going to say. He has a hard time being around you because you're attractive, but doesn't want it to amount to anything. It's best for your own sake and his if you forget about any complimenting..

[Asker]

Thank you, you guys are a great help, I will take your advice and not say anything. But lets say metaphorically that he does think I'm attractive, and I did compliment him. I'm pretty sure he has a good head on his shoulders, do you honestly think that he could be so weak and cave into temptation? honestly.

[Dearcupcake]

So glad I could help :) As for the temptation part, every guy can fall into this trap. If anything sometimes married couples do look for things that they are lacking. For example he could look at you and say "If only my wife's eyes were that beautiful" Sounds very cheesy I know. If that's not the case a man will be tempted to fool around sometimes. I'm sure he strives to be faithful in his marriage and you might not make it easier. A compliment can kindle a fire.

[Anonymous]

The mans married ! Lady I really hope you know what that means off limits and he has kids for crying out loud ! Think of the kids not you ...you nasty self centered bitch

[Asker]

whoah there that was harsh. I can't say I do not respect you for stating your opinion. Because I know I am not a nasty self centered bitch, he may be married but he's not dead. I NEVER said I would hook up with him and wreck his home with his wife and kids. I just want him to know that I think he's cute. I can see why that is wrong, but at the same time. literally what is the harm in telling him that he is good looking? I would just be telling him that I admire his good looks.

[Dearcupcake]

WOW? Was that necessary at all? You go as far as calling her names? She never once stated that she was out to date the man.

[Anonymous]

he is married with kids think about those kids view of their father if he ran off with a younger girl