I have an attractive guy friend, known him for a while, he used to always try to kiss me on nights out like a year ago, recently we got back in touch through mutual friends, got a bit closer this year. I see him when I’m out drinking, with my best friend (female) on weekends.
This weekend he messages me at 4in the morning asking me to meet him, I ask if he means my friend and I as per, or just me, he says “you”
We meet, I go back to his, lay in his bed, eat food and talk. He takes his jeans and top off (which he’s done in front of me before as I’ve helped him change before when he’s been a bit drunk).
He gets under the covers and asks me to as well, he tries getting me in the mood, he gets so far and I say “actually I don’t want to do this” ( I realised it wasn’t a good idea) and I asked if I should leave, he says no, and pulls me back into bed.
This is where I’m confused... I’ve had one night stands, and that’s not what this was, since nothing actually happened, but he then starts cuddling me. To give imagery he was lying on his back and I was sort of laying half on him (not fully clothed) with my head in his neck, he would turn his head so it touched mine and then kiss me really gentle, I’d say “I’m not fucking you” classy I know. And he’d say “I know” and then do it again half an hour later.
He was stroking my arms, and holding my hand, I thought he was asleep but whenever I moved my hand he went searching for it again and would hold it tighter, so I doubt he was asleep, so we were just laying there in silence whilst his mates are trying to work out where he’s got to.
Is this normal, like I’ve had one night stands, I know it’s normal for most people to politely spoon afterwards but this felt super intimate to me, the hand holding, the random kissing with no expectation of anything more, him dropping his mates. Do I talk to him about this, so things aren’t awkward.
Short answer. Without knowing you both better, I cannot say this definitively, but from the sound of it, he was not just in it for the sex. He wanted to be with you.
As a guy with a few one night stands under my belt back in the day, that is not how a guy who just wants sex behaves. He wanted you to be with him.
So you may have stumbled on something more than a one night stand. As I say, I cannot be sure as there are a million important details that I do not know. However, this I know...
The first time I "slept" with my girlfriend I just wanted and needed her. I just felt better and happier with her next to me. 11 years and three children later - and I have never been happier in my life.
Hopefully, it will be the same for you.
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Aww, I’m glad you’ve seen this the way I have, I’ve had a lot of one night stands too and like you say that’s not how it is, maybe you spoon for a bit and then go, but this was the sort of intimacy I had only ever had with me ex, who I was obviously dating. What do you suggest I do?
Well, as I say, without knowing either of you, any advice I would give you would be of a very general nature. That said, I suggest... honesty.
Tell him that you enjoyed spending the night with him and that it meant so much to you that he just wanted to be with you and that it was not simply about sex. Tell him that he is special to you and you hope you can spend more time together.
Put this in your own words, but two things you need to remember. Guys are not verbal and have a hard time expressing their feelings. They show how they feel by what they do.
So you supply the words. You tell him that you like him and take it from there. Where you draw the lines is up to you. Tell him - if you feel that way - that you want sex with him but you want it to mean something more because he means something more to you.
Next thing - there is a saying. "Praise a guy for something he did for you and you will get a million more miles out of him." Men want to feel needed and appreciated. That is the way to his heart if there is really something there.
That is some very good advice, thank you. I first need to figure out if I want that, but now I have at least a better idea as to what to say if I do want that. Thank you.
As to the rest, I can only speak from my perspective, but when someone enters your life who cares about you for you and not as a means to his own pleasure, don't let go of that person. Of course, if you are not looking for romance and love, that is fair and perfectly understandable. Just be sure that you know what you might be passing up.
Well I did have a similar situation... About 3 years ago my girlfriend at the time broke up with me and it left me in a realy bad place. To feel better i invited a girl to go out to drink. About 2 or 3am i invited her to my place, she said yes and it kinda felt like this is it, we are having sex... Bbuuuutttt when we got to my room i simply didn't feel like it was the thing to do (felt i would use to feel better). So we watched something, got on the bed, and just cuddled for the rest of the night and that was it. Now i know my comment isn't much help with your situation, but it is normal (people pay for cuddles in japan) and if there is something that's bothering you still, it would be best to simply ask him.
Have the two of you ever engaged in anything physical? It seems as he respects your boundaries and enjoys your presence. I'd being it up with him what it is he sees in you and from there discuss what you see in him and wish for this to go, then get his intake.
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