How do I handle being in love with my friend's wife?

[JackDonner]

Not actually her, but very similar looking.

Okay so, I'm a white guy and I ran into an old friend from my school days. We were never that close, but I partied with him sometimes, so he invited me to his house for some drinks and to meet his wife. I reluctantly went, but whatever. For context, he's a white guy too and she's from the Philippines. So from the moment that I met her I was shocked by how beautiful she is. She's also really kind, smart and an excellent wife and mother.
My friend on the other hand is an asshole. He criticizes her constantly and for no good reason. Once we started drinking I lost my composure and I definitely told her how beautiful she is and what an amazing wife she is. I felt kind of bad for the feelings I was developing for her so I just decided to stay away from them. Jump ahead a few months later and that guy is texting me again. He wants to have drinks and this time he picks me up, drives me to their house and basically forces me to spend the night. I'm reluctant about it, but secretly excited to see her again.
So there I am drinking with him, listening to him critisizing her like usual, but this time I start interrupting him, sticking up for her and telling her how incredible she is right in front of him.
I could tell it irritated him but I don't care. In private he tells me how stupid she is, and in private she tells me what an asshole he is.
I'm stuck in the middle, he's a big scary guy and I'm falling in love with her.
How do I handle this situation?

Block his number.

Keep getting closer to her.

Updates

+1 y

Bump.

Updates

+1 y

I'm honestly thinking about putting on some muscle mass just in case I go too far, we kiss or something and her husband wants to attack me.
However, he's a lot bigger than me so I might be further ahead to start running daily and just get way faster than him.
I'm serious.

[Keyboardkat]

What you really need here is a cold shower. And you need to stay away from them. This is her problem to solve. He needs either a therapist or a dental rearrangement with someone's fist. She may need a therapist to help improve her self-esteem to the point where she will do something about it besides just take it. If they don't have children, she should avoid getting pregnant until it is resolved because a child in the mix just complicates things if there is a divorce.
But you have no place here, especially in view of what you said about your feelings for her. You can't help her and you can't change him.

[JackDonner]

I know that you're right. It's almost like he knew to get her pregnant to keep her a little longer.
It does make it a lot more complicated.
I get frustrated with the situation, and I'm at the point where I'm getting very obvious about my feelings for her. I say stuff right in front of him, I complement her, we even sing love duets together on their karaoke machine. He just sits there drunk, pissed off and I'm look at him like "Why do you bring me to her?" I know he's a big guy and he could really hurt me, but he doesn't understand how strongly I feel for her. The more he pressures me to drink and to be around his wife, the more I'm going to bond with her.
Then to top it all off he treats her badly so it's just like the perfect storm.
I don't like him that much, he keeps pulling me back into their life, she's gorgeous and sweet and he treats her terribly. It's almost becoming less of a shady situation on my part and I'm starting to feel like I'm in the right. I feel like he's pushing us together in some sick way.
He also tries to set me up with her friends, but I want to tell him "I found the one I love already, It's your wife and they're not going to compare to her."
I want to tell him "You said she's stupid, not as pretty as she once was, and you don't even want to spend time with her."

[horatiohornblower]

You never speak to them again. That’s another man’s wife. It sounds like you’re trying reasoning to give you an excuse as to why he doesn’t deserve her.

He may be a jerk. That doesn’t matter. It’s still just an excuse. To tell yourself it is okay for her to commit adultery. Plus break up their family.

If she gets a divorce. Sure, go for her. Otherwise just stay away from that family.

[Keyboardkat]

If she gets a divorce be very careful. Don't jump right in. Why? Because remember, "rebound" is a very real phenomenon. Her emotions will be going crazy for a while. She may latch onto someone and use them for a bandaid, and then discard them when she's feeling better. You DON'T want that bandaid to be you! She will need time to get over the turmoil she's just been through, time to mourn over her lost hopes, and her lost love (I assume she had loved him). She needs time to heal. This cannot be rushed and this all has to happen before she will be ready for you, or any other guy, with whom to start over. I know you hate what I'm telling you, but it's the truth!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

You let them work out the issues in their marriage or not. But you shouldn't get involved. It would be best to just discontinue any contact with them. An ass or not, there's no justification for cheating (her) or going after someone else's wife (you) If she's unhappy in her marriage or being mistreated, then she should leave her husband. Starting an affair would accomplish nothing...
If it was your wife, how would you feel in his place?

[JackDonner]

I understand what you're saying, It's just that he told me in private that she threatened to leave him and find someone else. Somehow he put it in her head that he can get her deported if she leaves him right away after immigrating here. It sounds stupid to me, but it's like they both believe it.
So yeah, I don't have a lot of respect for their marriage if she's being convinced that she's gonna get deported if she doesn't want to be with him.
I just think she's beautiful and really honest and innocent. I think it's fun when we make eye contact or compliment each other. It's fun to flirt and feel that spark, but in reality their situation is getting too complicated for me.
I was playing with their baby for a while and it was nice, but I was also reminded of how hard it was to take care of my own when he was little. I love kids, but I know that it's only your own child that you love enough to go though the 24/7 responsibility happily, otherwise kids exhaust me.
His wife has her hands full, her husband annoys me and that whole situation is a mess if I get involved.
For now I just stay away from them. The next time she invited me was to her Christmas party.
Maybe their will be mistletoe? Otherwise I don't see how I can kiss her and not have it turn into a disaster for everyone.
There's whole Romeo and Juliet vibe happening here, but as we all know that didn't end well.

[Hangry06]

Bang her

[Hangry06]

Also run away with her

[JackDonner]

I think about it a lot, every time that I see her.
It's just that now they have a baby. She's an absolutely wonderful mother and she's so devoted to her daughter and still finds time to cook and clean for her husband even though he's so rude to her.
When I got drunk with him I felt like crying because I wanted to be with her so bad.
I would rather sit in the kitchen and talk to her all night than sit in the living room with that guy.
She confides in me and he's such a mean person. I seriously think about telling him that I love her right in front of both of them.

[Hangry06]

Oh.. take the baby too then
You get a free baby and wife
2 birds in 1 shot

[JackDonner]

To be honest they have a really nice house, expensive vehicles and lots of money.
Her asshole husband can probably give them a more comfortable life than I can right now. I have a kid of my own.
I just want to kiss her and have sex with her passionately and show her that she's amazing!
I want to love her and wrap my arms around her and do all the things he's not doing.
He doesn't show her any affection. He actually held up her identification laminate from the hospital she works at. He said "See, this is when you were skinnier and better looking."
I told them that she's still skinny and really good looking, he got mad and walked away.
He's just so rude, I feel bad for her.

[Keyboardkat]

That's adultery! She is married!

[Hangry06]

@Keyboardkat If she is expressing interest to him, she has already commited adultery

[JackDonner]

Her husband is committing Assholery, he thinks she's locked down so now he treats her like garbage.
I think he's a narcissistic alcoholic or something.
I just have an intense crush on her, and I'm impressed with everything about her.
She told me that I'm the only one of his friends that she likes. She only comes out to visit if I'm there otherwise she just goes in their bedroom.

[Keyboardkat]

That's just adultery!

[boobliker]

If she is your boyfriend tell her as she may have seen it And block his number.

[Keyboardkat]

WHAT? How can "she" be anyone's boyfriend?

[boobliker]

@Keyboardkat not boy best sorry my spellchecker

[noohair]

Move and don't keep in touch.