I'm having issues with my wife, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

So my wife and I have been married for over 2 years now. I love and respect my wife, and I wouldn't do anything to hurt her. Could I say she feels that way about me? That is inconclusive. So before I met my wife she was very aggressive and intense. She is super funny. I love that about her despite our problems because I'm the opposite. Im calm and I want peace and no problems. I look to calming her down when she gets too heated. However, now she doesn't give me respect. She sticks her middle finger up at me and she calls me a bitch. I don't like it. What should I do?

[msc545]

You need some marraige counseling. In truth, it rarely works to save the marriage, but there is nothing else, and it might help a bit.

Either this, or just see a lawyer and get a divorce (which I think will eventually happen anyway); you might as well be proactive about it.

[Asker]

We did pre-martial counseling on both of our behalf.

[msc545]

Ok great - but now you need post-marital counseling. Do you have children?

[Asker]

No, not children. I was considering post-marital counseling though.

[msc545]

I think it is either counseling or divorce. It is good that you have no children now.

[Asker]

I'd rather seek counseling than divorce. I didn't mention this but my wife had a pretty rough childhood/teen-hood. I think that's what molded her to be so rough and hostile sometimes. I always remind her that I'm always here for her if she needs me. It's like she is in constant defense mode ever since we got married. Sometimes I could see the hurt in her eyes, due to the personal trauma she has gone through. We discuss that in pre-marital counseling though. I wouldn't give up on her.

[msc545]

Save yourself. This is not going to end well.

[msc545]

Thank you for the MHO

[Anonymous]

You're emasculated by her masculine energy. She feels she's the man and does not respect you.

You may be able to stand up to her and demonstrate to her that you're a man and her husband, or the dye may already be set.

Demands respect from her or things won't change.

[Asker]

I did. I told her not to speak to me like that and she told me to fuck off. Is she really that masculine?

[Opinion Owner]

Disrespectful, discourteous, and dismissive. 3d. No reason to assume she will get better with age although you can try with counselling as she appears to have problems. Sometimes they go through a psychotic period and need guiding back to the light. But you indicate she was like this before marriage so dunno.
You're going to have dig deep into your reserves and trust and believe in yourself or you may lose yourself to this insanity.
But don't you deserve more than this?

[Asker]

I love my wife and I don't want to leave her. I rather fix things than leave.

[Opinion Owner]

Good attitude. Good luck.

[CarolinaJones]

If she had an aggressive nature from the start, it would be diffult to calmher down. Is there a reason for which she acts this way towards you? I believe you might have to either ignore her or rethink your marriage.

[Asker]

She has from when we started dating. She was very aggressive, yes, but I like it. She only does that when we argue tho. Sometimes she even tells me to F*ck off.

[Boomchakalaca]

Would love to hear the wifes side of the story. Nobody sticks a middle finger out and call someone a ‘bitch’ for no reason

[Asker]

Just her nature, she does that to everyone

[Boomchakalaca]

Would not want to be with someone like that.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

You have to stand up for yourself. It'll get worse the less respect she has for you. Don't be abusive, but don't let her abuse you. Don't tolerate her to demean you or treat you with disrespect.

[Asker]

Im nowhere near abusive. Like I said I don't like arguing. So I tell her not to speak to me like that.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

I know you're not, I just meant that the solution isn't violence, but to assert your boundaries, to say "enough, you can't treat me like that, I won't allow myself to be treated that way"

[Asker]

I've tried that. She told me to fuck off.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Then you have to leave her. You can't allow that. It can't continue like that.

[LazerBean]

First you shouldn't have gotten married to someone with that behavior, then you shouldn't act surprised when they continue that behavior.

[Asker]

Explain

[LazerBean]

Explain why aggressive people continue acting aggressive?

[OlderAndWiser]

You married the wrong woman!

[mobiusforniner]

Stop bitching...

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Get a divorce.

[Neufd]

Get rid