Guys, is it normal for a guy to do this to a woman he finds attractive?

[Anonymous]

me and this guy have been in the same friend group for years and 3 years ago from now we slept together. it was fun and passionate considering he's fairly nonchalant most the time with me. present day we started flirting again, i feel he's attracted to me, and he has said that before in the past. (but i also know i'm not 100% his type) anyway i notice that i flirt and make a little more effort when it comes to texting or making plans. he reciprocates a little dnt get me wrong and he has asked me to come over his, once. if i cancel on him because something genuinely came up, he goes somewhat colder towards me. (he used to be hot and cold with me in the past and have no doubt he's still that way) so.. my question for you, is it normal for a guy who's attracted to a girl sexually to not put much effort in? If yes or no, please explain why below. thanks x

Updates

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also, we haven't slept together present day yet but i have dangled that carrot that it's likely. i just want to feel desired and i don't feel... that. i know he's attracted but he doesn't make an effort to build up to that. not sure if he's bad at texting or what but.. meh

[JPresidente]

If a guy really wants to sleep with a girl, he would be putting in a lot more effort than what he's doing. He could be holding back because he's pursuing another girl and/or he feels like if he sleeps with you, he'll get tied down in a relationship and maybe catch feelings.

[DoctorSex]

It sounds to me as though he sees you as the most convenient way to have easy, quick, no strings attached sex.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[Asker]

and attraction? is he just faking it or?
when i last hung out with him i noticed him looking at me.. he would stare into my eyes when talking to me and sometimes when i walked close he'd stutter. so there's very conflicting things going on here. on one side it seems like he's into me.. then on the other hand it doesn't seem like it.

[Asker]

i would like to have sex with him at some point.. but i don't think i could do it if he thinks i'm ugly and i'm the easiest option to have. i'd like him to be at least attracted.

[Asker]

he has flat out refused to sleep with one girl... if you mention her name he has a look of disgust so.. can't say he'd sleep with absolutely anything.

[DoctorSex]

If he wasn't attracted he wouldn't have had sex with you on the first occasion. I'm not sure what level of attraction you're expecting. But most men would start having sex with a woman he views as 5/10 in looks. A lot of men will go lower but in truth, if feels like there's another question that's really on my mind and this is just a smoke screen...

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[Asker]

i see, so then you're saying there is some kind of attraction there. well that's good at least. he went down on me last time so...
i heard guys don't go down on women they don't find attractive and only want to fuck. it even surprised me at the time haha.
what's your question? smoke screen, for what?

[DoctorSex]

Ah ha! There we go

"i heard guys don't go down on women they don't find attractive and only want to fuck. it even surprised me at the time haha."

It sounds like you really like this guy and you're hoping for the possibility of more. There is a slim to 0 possibly f this happening my dear. This is not the way men who are interested in something long term behave.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[Asker]

wrong.. very very wrong hahaha. i will write to you what i wrote to the guy below you.
last time we slept together i had feelings for him and when i suggested we maybe go on a date and see where it goes from there he said he didn't know what he wanted. i didn't see him for 3 years and since then i have managed to get rid of those feelings. what's left is physical/sexual attraction.

i just want sex, but i like to feel desired by a guy and have him make effort to reach out during the day with flirtatious banter/images etc etc. he's doesn't really do that.
i have other guys i'm interested in.. in fact one of those guys turned me on so much (he's never had sex but man, he's a sexy, funny ass guy. flirty and yet awkward to touch me even in a friendly manner) sometimes i find it fairly hard to resist temptation lol (especially since i haven't had sex in 3 years) that's the reason i started flirting with this guy in the first place. i just simply want to be desired and woo'd sexually. basically

[Asker]

we will call sexy guy who turned me on but is a virgin ben.. and the other guy who is nonchalant but apparently attracted sam.
is it true guys only go down on women they find attractive?

[DoctorSex]

Would t it be smarter for you to focus on the guy you're interested in, instead of having sex with an old fling?

Ayyye , this situation is hurting my head. How re you not tired of it, it's exhausting just reading! Good luck!

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[Asker]

or you could actually kindly answer the questions i'm asking instead of questioning me and trying to find aha moments O_O
i just wanted to know if guys can be attracted to a woman and still not make much effort?

and also know if guys only give girls head they're attracted to.
anyway, thanks for your response i guess tho

[Asker]

i doubt you're going to answer but instead tell me this is all a bad idea, so i will ask that question on here as a stand alone question.

[DoctorSex]

Yes, guys can be attracted to girls and still not make effort.

A man's sex drive can usually be something e summons up.
But in regards to initiating relationships, we can drag our heels on these things. It's all about when a man is in the right mental state.

For example, When a man is truly ready to get married, it won't be a long search and it'll happen relatively quickly.

As opposed to when he's not ready for marriage, he may string things along under the reasoning of wanting to know if she's the right one.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[Asker]

i see, thank you that helps a lot :D i appreciate your reply because now i know he's attracted but not into me enough to make much effort. he still makes some kind of effort but... not the kind as if he was head over heels for someone.

i'm going to be honest marriage kinda freaks me out.. and at the moment i'm not in a relationship mindset.. i have been treated like dirt in the past and lead on... made to feel a fool.. i just want to have fun, gain more experiences in life and go on more adventures.. achieve more things before my time is up. i'd love to find someone who loves me and have that.. but i don't feel it's in the books for me.. least not right now. i can't seem to find someone who cares enough or treats me right.
all i want right now is to be made feel like a goddess by a guy, to be made feel like he sexually craves and desires me...
to keep me looking forward to the next naughty meeting so to speak. it's a shame he doesn't make much effort in that department.

[DoctorSex]

You're more than welcome you already know what I'm going to say right now don't you?

Don't do it. Don't give in to the dark side.

Look, you've opened up to me a little so let me share in kind. I'm a man who does not have a woman in his life right now. Every week women ask me for my number, every week. Every week a woman tells me I'm gorgeous, beautiful or good looking. I constantly get stared at everywhere I go by women. I'm 32 at present. Let's take a trip back to when I was 26.. between the ages of 26-29 I've been with more women than groups of men combined.
The reason I say all of that is to tell you this, I am more at peace now, more happy now than I've ever been when women lusted after me. Not many people in my experience, know exactly what to work on to develop themselves, and even when they know what to work out, then there's the question of how?
I now know how to measurably develop my mind body and spirit and as a result everything I've ever wanted in life is being attracted to me. There is a power and happiness is self mastery. For the first time in my life I don't crave sex. I don't even want it and believe me, if you were as gifted as me in the bedroom, youd want to bless others with that gift. :)
True joy my dear is the struggle to develop yourself. There's nothing in sleeping with a guy that will fill that void... It will only bring you more heartache, trauma and deepen the hole.

God bless you and good luck

DoctorSex

[Asker]

i appreciate you opening up to me, however you keep assuming i'm trying to fill a void.. you keep assuming things about me like i'm just another woman who would find you attractive.. but you see i have spent years working on myself. i'm an introvert, an outcast if you will. always have and always will be.. all i have had time to do is manifest the things i want.
i have a house, big screen tv, gaming pc, money in the bank, tons of clothes and all the things i ever dreamed of, except love. i haven't found love.. and because i doubt i will.. because i know people don't value such things these days i just want some fun. i want to live before i die.. and if that means having hot passionate, intense sex then so be it. I respect how you have settled down from having tons of sex... though there's no harm in loving or even wanting sex.

sex to me isn't just that.. it's way more.. it's getting out all the frustrations of the day, it's letting go completely and being your innermost animalistic self that you can't be in every day life, it's fun, exciting and sometimes daring. I don't know if you have had bad sex.. but i like to think i'm one hell of a firecracker. not saying i'm the best in bed.. but i'm definitely not one to pass up, i have an enthusiasm for sex, pleasure, and all the stuff in-between.
i'm a sexual being.. and sure i can go without it for years. i usually have 3 years and then.. i miss sex, i want to experience it again and let myself be that animalistic wild woman. i feel truly free in that moment.. among other moments.
and though i'm happy that you are satisfied with where you are right now.. we all have the things we want and desire and to each individual that's different and sometimes it changes over time.
i appreciate your concern i really do, but i can promise you this time around it's a new me, new mindset. with new goals and new ideas.

i wish you well on your personal journey x

[Asker]

if you're wondering "then why did you ask this question" because simply put, i'm into psychology. i like knowing why people do the things they do.. and there are some things i'm not quite able to understand. the best way to find out is ask the opposite sex. mainly those who don't know you, because those are the ones who are more likely to be honest.

[DoctorSex]

Thank you and All the best in all of your endeavours.

Best wishes,

[IAteTwoFullHams]

There are women who I enjoy talking to but do not enjoy texting with. I wonder whether you might not fall into that category for him.

[Asker]

i guess so, he just doesn't treat me like i hoped someone would if they were attracted and wanted to have sex with someone. he doesn't have much experience with girls but at the same time you can tell he wants to be single and keep options open so. i just wonder if a guy can be attracted to a girl and behave this way or.. does attraction make someone put more effort in regardless.

[IAteTwoFullHams]

Attraction doesn't really have that much to do with how much effort a guy puts in. I mean, I want a lot of things that I don't put in any real effort to get, because, you know, you can't chase down *everything* you want.

[Asker]

i see. so there's a high chance he IS attracted to me, but not enough to make much of an effort?

[IAteTwoFullHams]

I'd phrase it like: there's a high chance that he is attracted to you, but putting in a whole bunch of effort to sleep with an attractive woman isn't right at the top of his priorities list right now.

[Asker]

i seeeee. thank you. yea i get it
last time we slept together i had feelings for him and when i suggested we maybe go on a date and see where it goes from there he said he didn't know what he wanted. i didn't see him for 3 years and since then i have managed to get rid of those feelings. what's left is physical/sexual attraction.
he's the kind of guy to only make effort to girls he has feelings for... anything else he's just kinda meh to.