I matched with my lecturer on a dating app. What do you think about it?

[baddiska]

So I (20F) started university like three weeks ago, I'm new in the city, don't know anyone and decided to make a profile on Bumble to maybe get to know someone or just see people around. 15 minues after making my profile I saw my lecturer (39M) - he isn't a professor, I study medicine and have this kinda unimportant lesson called 'medical psychology' where we talk about stress etc. He is a psychologist and therapist.

I refreshed the app a few times but he was still showing so I decided to swipe right - we matched. We started talking, he didn't know I was his student, then I revealed it in the conversation and it was like he got a bit reserved, his responses were slower and shorter. He said he has no problem with my age (19 years old gap) but there might be a problem that I'm a student at the uni he's connected to. But then we continued to just talk normally, he asked me in which neighbourhood I live etc. Two days later we had class together, it was obvious that he knew it was me, we made long eye contact a few times and that's it.

He didn't text me that day or anything so I did, I wrote something that 'today's class was great' and that 'it was nice to see u:)', he only replied ':) thanks and you too'. That's it, hasn't written anything since. He didn't unmatch either.

I'm kinda curious what happened, I mean it's not illegal for us to talk right? Also I'm ending classes with him, I'm gonna have this subject for the next 3 weeks with someone different. We texted normally two days before the class so what happened? He understood that it might be weird the moment he saw me in class? Or maybe he didn't like the way I look in person and decided that it's not worth risking it? If he's scared that someone might find out then why didn't he unmatch me, at the whole beginning after he found out or even after the class?

[blueonblack22]

He feels conflicted about all of this.

But you need to remind yourself you will most likely never get into a real relationship with him. Maybe a hook up. Maybe friends with benefits. But not a real relationship. Even if he had true feelings for you it would be in his best interest to keep it on the DL.

The question is, are you okay with that?

[baddiska]

why only a hookup or friends with benefits?

[blueonblack22]

Well the age gap would make a relationship a challenge. Not impossible but there would be some difficulties.

But also given the fact he’s on faculty at the college has is attending would make it even tougher (while she’s still enrolled).

With that said they are both legal adults. He’s not grading her papers either. If she likes him and vice versa then whatever they end up doing is no one’s business.

[blueonblack22]

*she is attending

[SamIam96]

It would be unethical if he did anything with a student whose work he would eventually have to grade.

Be patient. He may be keeping things casual until that's no longer a conflict.

[baddiska]

why is it unethical? no one has to know, it might be just texting, we could meet after the subject ends, especially since i won't have these classes with him anymore.

[SamIam96]

True, no one has to know. If they find out that you've been keeping your texting relationship a secret, the first thing anyone would assume is that it's sexual, and they'll assume you're giving something for better grades. Why else would you keep it a secret?

[WhitneySnow]

It’s not illegal but it’s really unethical. He could get fired for that and maybe you could get in trouble for it too.

[baddiska]

why is it unethical? no one has to know, it might be just texting, we could meet after the subject ends, especially since i won't have these classes with him anymore.

[WhitneySnow]

I’m not 100% sure but I feel like this could get him in a lot of trouble and that’s why he’s not interested in dating you.

[Levin]

No one has to know is a funny concept. Anyone who deals with clients or people in general knows how malicious they can be.

[Anonymous]

That must be a very unprofessional university you are attending.

[baddiska]

hahah its actually the best medical university in my country

[Avicenna]

You should be able to date someone who isn’t your lecturer

[Darwin_n_chill]

Depends on the school but usually the rule is only you can't date someone who is your student, but occasionally they make the stipulation that you should not have recently been students, even though that doesn't really make sense because there's no opportunity anymore for him to take advantage of you. Anyway, the reason he got so reserved is because it risks him losing his job, but he certainly is interested in you. Men of all ages are attracted to women in the 18 to 25 age range, whether they admit it or not, research has proven this. Unfortunately our culture has decided arbitrarily that this is somehow no-no.

[andreasderjuengere]

That's one very difficult walk on the edge of a knife.
Nothing wrong, basically, but some ''rules of society'' are causing 'problems' with this.
Myself, I have smile-to-each-other ''affair'' at work. I also hesitate to open any additional steps.
I suggest - if you are really interested in that guy, you can try to discretely meet (or talk on an app) and discuss the worries openly. Then find out how to go about it.
During my high school days a teacher had married a previous student of his (after she had finished school) - this had been quite a talk... but they turned out to be a happy and stable couple.

[Kayleigh2005]

Bad idea is hooked up with one after his class but I knew his reputation.

Also, you sound like me the first week.

Start with friends first, I was SA in the first month of college, friends first and don't drink alcohol. There are predators looking for girls just like u every semester.

[Texaskid1]

Your teacher wants to keep his job so he is not going to shit where he eats. His desire to put food on the table over rides his attraction to you. I would say toss your school girl fantasies about shagging the teacher out the window and find a fellow student your own age.

[Levin]

The guy wants you, otherwise he'd unmatch.

But he doesn't wanna throw away his career.

That's deemed to be pretty unethical. Plus, these days, they likely have a policy about it at his university. It's not like the (good old) days.

[noohair]

He is a professional and is acting like one. He can destroy his career and his future by dating a student. He knows this even if you don't.

[BoobMan]

Dude could definitely lose his job. That's what happened!

[baddiska]

i mean why? it could be just texting, nothing else for now. nobody needs to know.

[BoobMan]

Sure but he doesn't know what might happen and may not want to risk it.

[HungTexan]

I’d give it a pass. Don’t get into a complicated relationship like that.

[jshm2]

You are thinking too much. You were not date material, just talk material.

[CubaPirate]

He obviously came to his senses and values his career

[baddiska]

why didn't he unmatch me then? i could show our conversations and his profile to literally anyone so

[CubaPirate]

Older guys aren't great with technology

[moneymagnet24]

I was in same situation she add me in insta we ended up having sex she was 10yr older then me we didn't go through this drama...

[BradleyScheff]

Well depends. What are you planning with him if you manage to talk?

[baddiska]

i mean it seems like he doesn't want to talk anymore as he hasn't reached out, but he didn't unmatch me either so I don't know

[Tomisworthless]

Well she swiped on him and isn't interested in unmatching which shows she wants to sleep with him

[Anonymous]

A med student saying medical psychology is unimportant? Not a doctor I would want to go to.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Maybe he's processing on what he should do

[Benlovegs]

It’s a mix of work ethics and age gap

[baddiska]

he said he has no problem with the age gap, just that im a student at uni he works at

[Benlovegs]

So it’s work ethics.. he will loose his job

[Benlovegs]

Ever been with a guy his age?

[baddiska]

naaah its not illegal or anything, the subject literally ends soon, since next week im gonna have it with a new lecturer

[Benlovegs]

Have you had an age gap like that?

[MasterKS]

Naughty student and teacher!

[baddiska]

hhahah why?

[MasterKS]

@baddiska some game is on!

[baddiska]

i mean the game is kinda finished or not? why didn't he unmatch me? will he get back into me after the subject ends?

[MasterKS]

@baddiska finger crossed!!!

[RedInnocent69]

That you should ask for an A 😂