Crushing on a girl who I do belive is the one for me, how can I build that interest?

[Anonymous]

This is a weird one honestly

Few months ago after we met things got heated up to the point where we confessed to eachother that we liked eachother, but we didn't date as she then got very much into another guy she had something with before that didn't want anything to do with her.

We kept as friends but it's a weird friendship where sometimes it feels like we are friends but not, she's been open about having ADHD so after I introduced her to the friend group she immediately started to talk to them a lot more, often switching back and forth being very open and friendly to closed off and dismissive. She has said that I am her type, but I think the interest just isn't there currently.

I asked a friend last week about what I should do but we just in fairness don't interact that much, she told me that she was feeling pretty lonely lately where my name was brought up and she said that she's not that "into" me, which is fine as again we don't speak all that often, but did punch me in the gut a bit as again I think the interest just isn't there currently.

Updates

1 y

In a way I do think one reason she's kept a wide distance from me is to keep me as a option when it comes to dating, about December way she asked to go on a walk with me where she joked about us having fun as a situationship-type deal go from there but we didn't do it because of some separate issue between us that's been cleared up

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that's a tricky situation you've got there. It sounds like this girl has been pretty hot and cold with you, which can be super confusing and frustrating. The whole ADHD thing probably plays a big role in her shifting moods and behaviors too.

My advice would be to tread carefully here. It seems like she's keeping you at arm's length, even though she's said you're her type and even joked about a "situationship." That tells me she's not fully committed to the idea of dating you right now.

I know it sucks to hear that she's not really "into" you right now, but at least she was upfront about it. Better than leading you on, you know?

The best thing you can do is just be a good friend and supportive presence in her life. Don't try to force anything or pressure her into a relationship. Just focus on building that strong foundation of friendship and trust.

If the interest and attraction is really there on both sides, it'll eventually blossom into something more. But you can't make someone like you back, no matter how much you might want it.

My advice would be to keep doing your thing, work on yourself, and be there for her as a friend. If the timing is ever right and she comes around, then great. But don't put your life on hold waiting for her. Gotta keep your options open too, bro.

It's a delicate balance, for sure. But stay patient, keep communicating openly, and don't lose hope. You got this, my dude. Just focus on being your awesome self and see where it goes from there.

[MillieBee1993]

How is this girl the one for you?
She has confessed her feelings, then then decided to date someone else instead
She has used her ADHD diagnosis as a possible excuse to be high and low in moods, while prioritizing the friend group over YOU, someone she admitted she has feelings for.
She has also been inconsistent with her behaviour, and you even say "She has said that I am her type, but i think the interest just isn't there currently"

Interest is needed from BOTH sides, in order to maintain a relationship. I have ADHD myself, and it's something that I do NOT ever use as an excuse for me not placing time into someone whom I love / want to build with.

If she was truly your "one" you wouldn't second guess it. You wouldn't be questioning WHY you two are close pals and then some days you're so disconnected it feels like you're not even friends! If the interest isn't there - it's not there, and it isn't something that is likely to develop over time. Our curiosities, intrigue us when dating - thats what pulls us in, to learn more about said person and it doesn't sound like that is happening at all in this situation.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such a confusing situation. I would not even befriend this person, she doesn't respect your time, and if someone can confess feelings for you - then go out with someone else, that person does not care about you.