What does it mean when a male coworker asks about my love life?

[Anonymous]

If a guy asks me casually if I go to the carnival in my village and I tell him 'no, you?' And he answers with 'no, but I'm going to [other thing]' and then I think the conversation is over, but 5 minutes later he comes over again and asks me "why aren’t you going?" So I answer "It's not really my scene" and then he asks "Aren’t there any cute guys in your area, nice and close to home?" And then I tell him "no," and then he asks me "well where DO you meet guys then?" With a playful smirk on his face the entire time. We are colleagues, there were other colleagues witnessing this conversation.

[Masie]

I doubt it means much other than he wants to know about your outside of work life or just being nosey. I would keep it that way if I were you

There are reasons why places have no dating policies between coworkers. The place I work in the summer does for a few reasons but the biggest is that they don't want people distracted by a relationship and not paying attention to guests

[Asker]

Okay. But if he also always initiates contact and creates inside jokes? He teases me a lot too. I was late once and I was obviously chaotic and unsettled and he put on the kettle for me (because he knows I drink tea) without asking and said "go drink a cup of tea so you can settle down a bit" and he asked if I had eaten that morning.

[Asker]

Instead of being upset that I was late... he made me feel comfortable by teasing me and then this action above. I'm sorry, but to me it does feel like he likes me.

[queenofcardio]

I've had conversations like that with male coworkers.. It's just a conversation, I never assume it's more than that.

[Asker]

Okay... but if he also always initiates contact and creates inside jokes? He teases me a lot too. I was late once and I was obviously chaotic and unsettled and he put on the kettle for me (because he knows I drink tea) without asking and said "go drink a cup of tea so you can settle down a bit" and he asked if I had eaten that morning.

And update, after my holiday he asked me if I met a cute guy there. And I asked one colleague if he ever asked about her datinf life at work and she said no.

[melnc]

Keep it professional. It's easier on both of you, and it steers you clear of awkwardness or unnecessary side talk. That's honestly the best way to handle it.

[Asker]

Is this an American thing? It's quite common to fall for people you work with, since you spend time with them a lot. I am not planning on doing anything, unless he is since he is my boss. My question was not 'what should I do?' It was 'does he like me?'

[melnc]

No, it’s not an American thing. It’s a human thing. The hard truth? It doesn’t matter if he likes you. He’s your boss. If he wanted you, he’d make it clear.. and even then, it’s a trap. You’re asking the wrong question. Ask yourself why you’re looking for signs from someone who holds your paycheck. That’s not romance. That’s a power imbalance. And if you have to ask, the answer is probably no, you just don’t want to hear it.

[Asker]

I don't think it's that simple, since he is my boss. And I like him because of who he is, not because he is my boss and thus the power imbalance, I am VERY aware of that. That's a coincidence that makes this complicated. I am asking because I do feel like he likes me, but since I am uncertain about myself sometimes I like to check in with others. When someone is your boss, I think - depending on the person - they'd use jokes to subtly get closer and test the waters, so they can always fall back on 'it was just a joke' since he is a very fun guy who likes a good joke. That seems what he is doing, testing the waters.

Your answer is very subjective and fear-based. You don't even know the guy nor situation. So I'll trust my own gut on this one and let time tell, thank you very much.

[melnc]

My response was cautious, not fear based... workplace dynamics are genuinely tricky. That said, I hope things work out for you. Good luck.

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

Possibly he wants to bang you.

Possibly he knows some guy in your area and want to try to fix you up with him.

Possibly he just can't mind his own business.

[Asker]

Just bang me? Im not really 'just a banging'-typa girl. He does not know a guy in my area. And the last one is possible. Although I wouldn’t really understand why you would continue to dig for information about that, if you're not even interested in dating me.

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

He might be interested in dating you as well as banging you.

Is this guy in a relationship himself? Does he ever give you the impression that he's attracted to you?

[Asker]

That depends... he subtly touches me, jokes around and likes to tease and poke fun at me in a lighthearted way a lot. He has consciously raised his eyebrows at me combined with a playful smirk that rested on his lips when I was not in my butcher-uniform, but in a bright red haltertop and short jeans, combined with a pair of black ankle string-boots, showing of my legs, shoulders, arms, neck etc... I looked good.

He put on the kettle for me when I was late for work and was nice about it and even made a joke about it. Genuinely asked if I had eaten anything that morning, since I rushed to get there as soon as possible. Very attentive and seemed like he... cared about me and my well-being? What do you think?

[Asker]

Oh and god no, he is not in a relationship. Otherwise I wouldn’t even be asking this haha! I stay clear from men who are taken.

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

Honestly, it could be a lot of different things. Maybe he's interested in you romantically, maybe he just wants to put his penis inside you, or maybe he feels sort of fatherly toward you. Maybe all three.

He MIGHT be building toward asking you out. I guess if he did, you would say yes?

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

How old are you and this guy? I get the impression that he's older than you are.

[Asker]

.. all 3 would be problematic considering the father thing. I would say yes if he asked me out, but I would want to talk about the risks. He is 36 and I turn 27 in a few days. I normally don't fall for guys who are older than I am. He acts and looks younger than he is, not in a bad way.

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

Is he your boss? Is he friendly with any of the other women at your workplace?

Are you the official "hot girl" where you work? Is he sort of naturally paying attention to you for that reason?

[Asker]

He is my boss yes, it's not ideal. It's the first time that I like a guy for who he is and not his potential. I see him for who he is, his annoying traits too.

He is an overall friendly guy and likes to be 'one of us' when it comes to our team. But the way he talks to me and looks at me, a flirty look in his eyes, I do not believe he talks to any other girl in our team in that way.

I am definitely not the official hot girl where I work, I would not call myself that at least. I am thinner than most, but I don't nessicarily would call that hotter at all. I would call myself normal, I don't wear make-up I like to be more natural.

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

Would he get in trouble if he asked you out? In a lot of places a person could get fired for someone they're supposed to be supervising.

[Asker]

I mean, he is the owner of the butchershop, it's a family company... so he cannot get fired. But people will talk definitely, that's something I'm afraid of... You cannot keep it a secret forever IF he is indeed romantically interested in me.

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

If you might not get in trouble, it might be worth a shot.

Are there any formal rules against workplace romance?

You can chat me if you feel like it. This thread is getting kinda long.

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

Thanks for the MHO.

[Asker]

Yes thank you for your honest opinion, sorry I was very stressed out these days. I truly appreciate your time to engage in conversation with me! :)

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

Are things progressing? Or has this guy backed off a little?

[Asker]

Well I am on holiday right now, but the week before that it was my birthday. He came downstairs to shake my hand and wish me a happy birthday and asked "with or without a kiss?" (in the Netherlands we do that, well especially the older generation) so I got flustered and turned away, because what the heck I am not gonna ask for a kiss lol!

The day after that he told me he was going to a wedding on Saturday when we were sitting on the roof terrace of the butchershop. Later another older colleague asked him if he had any plans, so he told them about the wedding and before I knew it I felt myself blurting out "Are you going there alone?" So he answered "Yes I am going alone" and directly after that, a smile playing on his lips: "Do you want to come with?" Challenging me a little. So I grew red and no answer seemed right, so I told him obviously flustered: "I don't know what answer to give to this [his name]" so he chuckled.

An hour later I needed him for something with an order so when he returned from an errand I was like "Ah yes, I wanted to ask you something" so he playfully said, his voice a bit lower "What time are we leaving tomorrow?" Of course I blushed and smiled again, because I am a fool.

[Asker]

Thank you for actually asking questions, people telling me he is just being friendly and autistic makes me like? Wtf? No he is not, like how WEIRD is it that someone would and could actually like me? Gets me very upset, annoyed and insecure, makes me regret asking the internet🤦🏼‍♀️

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

I mean, time will tell if it was just friendliness, or mild flirting, or genuine interest.

Good luck.

You can chat me if you want to talk more.

[Asker]

Yes time will tell, I wish time would tell sooner haha! Thanks so much again!

[Abbycado]

Nothing

[FrodoSkywalker007]

He likes you 🤷‍♂️

[Asker]

So... what if he is not just my colleague, but also my boss? I like him and I know it's not appropriate or a very smart idea. I am almost 27 and he is 36

[FrodoSkywalker007]

I don't know. Get coffee, be his girlfriend 🤷‍♂️

[MasterKS]

intrested.