Was this girl's suggestive behavior flirting, even though she has a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

hung out with her at her work , she works at a restaurant but it wasn't very busy in her area ( patio ) as its fall and end of season so we talked a lot , it was kind of suggestive , she has a boyfriend but said he recently moved out of the area for school reasons. i always got the vibe she was jealous that i liked this other girl that we both know but that girl recently found a boyfriend.

[HollyK21]

Respectfully dude, none of these young women are romantically interested. You are absolutely taking them doing their job, being friendly and making more of it. I said the same thing last year, and the year before. I don’t know what’s wrong with you but maybe you need some psychiatric help. Or at least consider it. Not trying to be rude, I’ve just seen you do this consistently for 3 years now and it never stops.

[Asker]

i suppose its unlikely she would actually want to do anything outside of work with me although today seemed different , yes true some girls do sort of tease me or enjoy the attention i give them.

the friendship i had with this girl has always been different than others in the past , she doesn't have a long term boyfriend she broke up with him last year cause relatiohship was too controling so new guy she's only been with a few months and he's not even here rate now

she was always very jealous that i liked one of her girlfriend's ( who does not work at the restaurant ) i'd go to her work and talk to her a lot but didn't manage to date her and now she suddenly has a new boyfriend so she's no longer worried about my interest in her girlfriend

[HollyK21]

You are the one that decided she was jealous, it is not something she ever actually said. You spend a lot of time in these places trying to analyze what the women working there are doing and overthinking what they say, with zero input from them. In your head there’s two women fighting for your attention, yet you have zero contact with them outside of their places of work, nor do they invite you out or add you on social media. But you sure do spend your free time looking up their accounts and trying to watch from the outside. You mentally insert yourself into anything you possibly can, and this is not normal. I feel like a big part of this is loneliness, you’ve been single for years and visit these places for female company. But it’s become creepy and strange.

[HollyK21]

It’s just delusional.

[Asker]

i don't follow her on social media , noticed she posted some videos to tiktok but i don't even have an account on that site so i never commented on them , they came off as very attention seeking.

despite living in the same area , yeah its true that i wouldn't of likely meet her if she had not worked at a restaurant downtown but i still feel like we have a genuine friendship there , most people doesn't understand our friendship because of the age diff and fact she works there. and i get that some people think its weird i'm so into her but i like her personality and she's fun to be around

i'm not suggesting were going to date cause of this , just she seems to be a bit more flirtly than normal

[HollyK21]

See, this is what I’m talking about. Notice how you blatantly ignored my core point? Which is that she is a captive audience paid to be nice? Instead you nitpicked details, like claiming you don’t have a TikTok account while admitting you still look up her videos. To me, that says you’re committed to your delusions, and will twist any response to fit your own personal narrative. That is not normal. Nor is it normal to seek her out online like that when she hasn’t invited you into her personal life. People don’t misunderstand your relationship because of the age gap, they just see things for what it is — you are a customer who’s purposely misinterpreting customer service. A genuine friend has your phone number, bangs out outside their place of work, and doesn’t have to serve you food or drinks to talk to you. You are literally paying for her time, so please do yourself a favor and stop over analyzing this woman. This is severe limerence and erotomania.

[Asker]

you don't need an account to look at tik tok video's , you can click on page and search a name/account and it comes up , sometimes have to do a verification though , i've never had an account on that site and never told her i saw her page either

a lot of the other girls there are always annoyed i spend so much time with her , and isn't even anything wrong with our friendship there , we just talk and like hang out when she is at work

yeah i had to pay $10 to hang out with her there but i don't feel that makes our time together not real , true she has actual real friends in real life , one day one of her girlfriend's came in and ordered food and she talked to her there which kind of annoyed me as she was obviously more interested in her and i get that her girlfriend was more interesting than me. her boyfriend never came in oddly enough i didn't see him once all summer

[HollyK21]

Damn, you have completely dug in. Once again, you ignored the most critical part of my message and instead focused on technical details, like explaining how to use TikTok without an account. You also made another staggering admission, which is that you KNOW you are paying $10 to hang out with her, it is not happening naturally, it’s not even her choice. The fact that you get annoyed when she interacts with her actual friends proves how unhealthy and entitled your mindset is. You are paying a business $10; you are not paying for a human being's genuine affection or exclusive attention. You are completely blocking out reality to protect a fantasy. I have laid out the truth for you, and I hope for the sake of those workers you eventually get the professional help you need.

[Asker]

its weird her boyfriend never like once came into the business , you think if you were dating a girl like that you'd come in at least once. i've never meet him but can recall seeing him at gym a couple years ago , came off is kind of shy and uninteresting , can't believe he managed to get with a girl like that a couple years later

ok but whatever restaurant i went to , have to pay $10 , its the price of admission to those spots. i just felt she was the most interesting choice , honestly think she is fine with it. perhaps likes the attention , maybe her tiktok is not enough needs attention in real life too and i was the one giving it to her, maybe her boyfriend takes her for granted or doesn't understand her needs

[HollyK21]

You are tracking her boyfriend's whereabouts, evaluating his personality from years ago, and deciding you know her 'needs' better than he does. This is textbook stalking behavior. You are not her friend, you are not her savior, and you are not an alternative to her boyfriend. You are an entitled customer who is rewriting a stranger's life to fit a creepy fantasy. Get psychological help before your obsession crosses a line that involves the police.

[Asker]

also she is not working there much longer going on a trip to se asia not with boyfriend as he's in school maybe with that girlfriend i saw before

but would imagine she'll be back next summer

i never said that i though we'd date , just she enjoys the attention and it got a bit suggestive , i don't think that we will date and she's going on a trip soon anyways so won't be here

[MrChinaski]

Sure. But people flirt all the time without it meaning anything other than that they are having fun and enjoying your company.