So why's it so awkward?

[Anonymous]

I hang out with almost only guys, and I seem to understand them easily enough. I've never had really any problems figuring out what they're thinking. I'm pretty outgoing and can get along with any guy pretty easily from the start but...

There's one guy who seems a bit too "mysterious" and I don't like it. When I talk with him I try to make the conversation flow but it just won't...even when he talks back. Like there's an underlying awkwardness to it...he is a quiet person, but around me he seems even more soft spoken than with our friends.

I left my phone at his house tonight and had to stop back in and pick it up. The vibe was extremely uncomfortable, no matter how I tried to change it. I'm not even extremely crushing on this kid; he has a girlfriend!

Why is the aura so awkward with him when it's just us two?

He told me as I was leaving to "have a good Thursday", after quite an awkward moment of me fumbling through his apartment...and I was out the door. That was at 11:30 at night. Thursday's practically over at that point! A good night would've sufficed...Okay, well maybe I'm over thinking it, but was he just trying to make the situation less uncomfortable and picked the first thing off the top of his head to say? He's got to notice this weird tension too...

As I said from the start, this guy seems a bit quiet...he really only talks to me when I say something to him...even though on occasion he'll say something little, but only in a group setting. Sometimes he ignores me, other times he might look at me but there's no emotion in his eyes if I'm looking back. I have no idea what message he's trying to convey, but it's making me really mad because his behavior is so unpredictable.

So the question...any theories on why this is so awkward? Is it just all in my head? Or is it mutual? This awkward tension is driving me mad. This is the first guy I haven't been able to read and it's freaking annoying.

Second question...how do I make it less awkward, even if it's only me imagining it? I've never had this problem.

[Anonymous]

Sorry if this is late or irrelevant now but
dude i’m not even kidding you im literally the girl version of that guy you’re talking about, and this is happening between me and this other dude too. Since we met, he always tried to talk to me for some reason (im the only one he’d try to talk to or get my attention) and i never understood him. at first i was skeptical about him because i assume he was just making fun of me or something, but he turned out to be a genuinely good guy. a lots happened between us, and there would be times when we’re all friendly and everything but then the next day, he’d just ignore me or not bother saying anything, thus creating an awkward unspoken tension between us. like even when i say things back to him and we have a good conversation, the next day we’re just strangers again. he rarely even says hi to me anymore even when it’s convenient but he’ll stare at me. to this day i still have no idea what we are or where we stand..
i’m also a quiet shy girl so im pretty difficult to read, which is probably why he keeps coming back and trying to crack the code..
anyway, from my story, my guess is that he’s just an awkward guy in general, like me.
and he might have feelings for you.. well from my story, that’s the case, not too sure about him though.
just keep talking to him and eventually he’ll open up to you :)

[Mystique01]

Hmmm...honestly to tell you the truth, I've been in your shoes before, and am actually going through this right now with a certain guy that I know. There's usually some awkward tension going on between us! Not always, but quite often.

Anyway, I'm going to be the "odd one out" here and say that TYPICALLY when there has been "tension" felt, it usually means that the other person senses the tension or awkwardness too. It's usually a mutual thing. Not always, but usually it IS mutual. Especially if this "tension" or "awkwardness" is between a guy and a girl.

Also, I would gather that maybe there's a secret attraction between the both of you, but you both can't do anything about it because he has a girlfriend. That may be stretching it a bit, but usually when there's been tension or akwardness between me and a guy, it's USUALLY because there's "something in the air" that we haven't addressed or talked about, and USUALLY it's some kind of attraction.

I could be wrong though! So... I don't know.. Maybe just in a playful way you can ask him why he seems so "shy" around you. But since he has a gf, you can't really do too much. You don't want to overstep your boundaries.

[BackwoodsQueen]

I'm n almost the same situation. I'm the only girl in the group of All male friends. I'm close to and talk to all of them but 1. We casually speak when we r in a group setting but I see him every morning at the store and it's almost like he ignores me or will be really short with me. Sometimes we don't even speak. Just glance at each other. I've caught him looking at me a couple times but he's quiet around me. My other friends say how he talks so much except when I'm around he shuts up and says nothing. I can feel the weird tension and I wonder if he feels it too. He's hot af but I don't know. It's crazy how much I relate to u.

[germanotaku]

I could fit into that guy pretty well I guess :ß

Though I don't know for sure... Well you mentioned that he is the quiet guy who doesn't talk to much, etc... People like that, probably like me, think a lot! Their thinking about everything.

But as for me, if someone talks to me I can follow and direct a conversation. It's only when I become really nervous to start making those really short sentences and looking totally insecure around the place.

I don't exactly know what solution to give you because I don't know the guy. Neither do I know you, so maybe you just need to spent MORE time with him? As being in a group?

If things stay that awkward for quite some time, maybe you can address this problem to him? Like "Sry to ask this, but don't you feel to well around me? Because we never talk closely and I feel like you're closing up to me?"

Something along that lines... it could help, but I don't know for sure, sorry for not being able to help out more :ß

[Anonymous]

I'm a bit like that, but minus the awkwardness. It's likely there is some attraction somewhere there, and he fluctuates from trying to keep a distance (ignoring), to dropping his guard (awkward conversations). He's traversing the line between self control and over compensation and friendliness.

You are attracted to him as well, but either have not admitted it to yourself, or are hiding it beneath your supposed annoyance at not being able to figure him out.

Women that know me find me confusing, don't know exactly where they stand with me, and I go from ignoring them, to being friendly because there is some forbidden attraction at times.

[Atomizer]

Some people are more difficult to read than others. Perhaps he's one of 'em. Quiet, introverted people tend to be this way, because they don't blather about every last thought that crosses their minds. Read this article for more info on introverts:

link

But I think you're over-thinking this. You're obsessing over little details ("Have a nice Thursday"), which are probably irrelevant and meaningless.

"There's no emotion in his eyes." That's a 100% subjective opinion -- every time we think we're reading an emotion in someone, our assessment may or may not be accurate.There's a lot of guesswork. This "tension" might be 100% in your mind.

"I have no idea what message he's trying to convey." Who says he's trying to convey anything?