Why would a guy reject a pretty girl?

[Anonymous]

There was this guy who always stared at me, would smile like he'd won the lottery when I spoke to him, and it was fairly obvious he found me attractive. But he has issues with his confidence and appearance and once told me he'd even turn off the TV if his girlfriend or wife was into the guy onscreen.

Anyway, I told him I had feelings for him and he gave me the "you're a nice girl" rejection saying "you'll meet the right guy" and "there's better guys than me."

It was upsetting because I liked him so much. Why did he reject me after acting the way I wrote about at the start? Can guys really not feel adequate enough/ don't want to date the pretty girl?

[wpmason]

Cmknoll23 deserves best answer.

It could very well be that he'd sleep with you no strings attached if you offered, but he's just not into your personality and is too nice to take advantage of you.

Looks ain't everything, and honestly, I live my life assuming that all pretty girls are stuck up brats until they show me otherwise. It's not that I'm bitter, I just don't waste my time on people that aren't worth it. I'll have a chat with anyone, but for me to think highly of a person they have to show me that they deserve it, and looking good doesn't mean anything in that context. I'm just as hard on guys too, everyone has to earn my respect and esteem.

Just don't think being pretty makes you special because it doesn't. Rant over.

This guy, though, he seems super insecure. If he'd be afraid of a guy on the tv... Geez, how could he date you? He'd think that every guy out in public was going to steal you away from him, and that's just no way to live. He won't be happy with anyone until he's happy with himself.

If you care about him, don't be selfish and only care about yourself. Befriend him. Build him up. Show him he's better than he thinks. Compliment him. Do stuff like that, whether he responds to it or not. Keep doing it. Maybe in time he'll come around, and things will work out.

[cmknoll3]

Well, he may very well feel intimidated. Not necessarily of you, but of the idea of being the boyfriend of someone very attractive, especially if you're not so attractive. He may be concerned about having to compete with other guys all the time or with not understanding why you like him in the first place. If that is the case, my suggestion would be to make him understand why you like him and why that makes some random handsome suitor that may hit on you inferior in your mind to him.

However, no offense, but the problem may be you as a person. Beauty is not the defining aspect of attraction and it's the least important part of a relationship. He may be attracted to you physically, even sexually, but not be attracted to your personality. I'm not saying that's the case, but it may be. I have a few female friends who are very pretty, some of whom I once considered asking out. But while I still find them physically attractive, I've realized I'm not attracted to their personalities at all. I would turn them down if they ask me out, too, despite how pretty they are.

[MystiKaL]

Great answer! This makes perfect sense.

[AdeleHW]

yeah it's possible he doesn't want to be you for reasons other than your looks. You can find someone attractive but feel the person isn't right for you. I turned down "the hot guy" because I couldn't live with the "how did she get him" comments that would inevitably come. I'm insecure and couldn't stand my guy being stared at, hit on, etc.

When he says "there's better guys" he means it. He's telling you how he feels about himself and when he says "you'll meet the right guy" he's saying it's not him. He isn't right for you for whatever reason.

[Gawesome]

Very interesting. If you said he has issues with confidence and appearance, I'm guessing he may not think he's worthy of dating a pretty girl like yourself and fears that he may have to compete with other guys that could potentially hit on you. So there's some insecurity there.

Another reason is that he may find you attractive physically but he may feel that you both have completely different personalities and attitudes. I met some pretty beautiful girls before who I really wanted to like but our personalities and/or chemistry just didn't click.

[guy532]

"and once told me he'd even turn off the TV if his girlfriend or wife was into the guy onscreen."

If that means he's in a relationship, then what do you expect?

If I misinterpreted it then he probably has no f-ing clue of what to do...or you could have misread his signals...if she is drop dead gorgeous it could be a problem since they are constantly BOMBARDED with guys hitting on her and that gets old real fast and also girls like that are usually VERY high maintenance since they know they can get any guy they want.

[AdeleHW]

He doesn't have a wife or girlfriend, he was just saying what he'd do.

[guy532]

yea just wanted to be sure, that's why I put a two part answer...thanks for clarifying

[toouglytobeloved]

you werent rejected... maybe instead of thinking about yourself and what you expect from a guy (that we guys have to be confident or whatever) maybe you should be nice to him and show that you want / like him than he will feel better about you ... guys want to be loved too... we guys don't want to "make" someone love us

and yes to your question ... sorta

[Asker]

What do you mean by "you weren't rejected" ?

[toouglytobeloved]

based off your details

[Asker]

I see...so if it wasn't rejection, what was it?

[toouglytobeloved]

its difficult to say but ill explain: when a guy says something like that he wants the girl to show or prove that she wants him and not give up so easily and he doesn't want to only be the one to lead a relationship

i guess he wants you to take pitty on him and doesn't want you to have just some "female phase"

perhaps talking to him more about your intentions will bring down his shields

[ihatework]

his self confidence is non existent. he will have many regrets about his life in time if he doesn't address that issue.

[Konnour]

It's something I personally cannot comprehend.

But if what you said is true - it's his loss, not yours.

[NonchalantBro]

"Can guys really not feel adequate enough/ don't want to date the pretty girl?"

yes

[bittersweet17]

...wife? unless there's something I'm missing here

[bittersweet17]

oh wait I think I get you...

yep