Why do I feel uncomfortable around guys that I'm attracted to?

[Anonymous]

That always happened to me: if a guy that I like its next to me, I can't move, talk right and relax like when I'm with my friends or some random person.

The problem is I'm not 12 anymore, I'm 24 and that is so embarrassing that makes me depressed sometimes for acting this way. Usually I hear that I'm attractive, but that it is not the only thing that matters. I love to talk, laugh... but when I'm with a hot guy I can't do that.

Maybe I'm shy? What should I do about it?

Thanks

[DishLady]

Aha. It's normal to feel a tinge of awkwardness when yo like someone. Sometimes the "LIKE" response is so intense that your logical center barks at you to go on lockdown before you do or say anything stupid that you can't take back.

You're not really shy, just naturally cautious. It's something neurobiological, the same as when you feel fear and the hair on your arm spikes straight up.

Not sure there's anything TO do to stave off the response other than to just breathe, force yourself to stay calm, and at least TRY to talk to the guy. Eventually, you get acclimated to the process of talking to him. It's sort of the same as stepping into the water and find it to be too cold till you immerse yourself and suddenly feel fine...

[Asker]

Wow! Best answer already!

That just kills me... I'm always imagining myself talking with this guy - that's the worst, I know - but when he is close to me, I can't do anything.

I'll stop to looking for approval from others. Maybe it's that what is wrong with me.

[DishLady]

My mind does that sometimes -- not specifically for guys, but anything involving public speaking, promotion request, etc. A funny sort of mental dress rehearsal before the actual discussion/conversation. It helps filter out the junk that should never be said (but may get you to smile and be positive in an emotional/stressful situation.

[islands7]

BA

[DishLady]

@Islands7: Lol. Thanks.

@QA: Thanks for "BA". There's nothing wrong with you. It's very difficult not to look for another person's approval. Think back to when you were a little kid and would watch for your parents' reaction while you did something. They'd look SO impressed and clap at every sound and movement during your first year or so, right? Suddenly there are limitations and frowns, and this weird word, "NO!" right? We learn to seek that approval & search for those markers from others too!

[jodiimariie93]

you ae shy I was just like you when I was 14 to17 but I forced my self to break out of it , didn't work much but all I do is remain calm when they come around me and if they say something I don't answer quickly because I know I'll mess up on what I want to say

[Distant]

You're nervous / shy. Many, many guys feel this way when they see an attractive girl. The only way to get over is to increase your self-confidence and/or practice. You don't act that way around average or unattractive guys so there's no logical reason why you should act that way in the company of attractive guys. Deep down, you believe physical appearance is a VERY important factor in gender relations whether you want to admit it or not.

[Asker]

Yes I believe in that. Because guys think that way, perhaps... :(

[Distant]

I can say that, while physical attraction is important, it's not everything. I would only want to have sex with an attractive girl if there was no emotional connection.

[expos]

Sounds like you're nervous around guys, probably just worried that you'll screw up, say the wrong thing or something. Lots of people are like that. Just relax, you sound cute, just be yourself. Guys really aren't that hard to please, we grade on the curve! We just like being around you.

[Asker]

"you sound cute" hahaha

You made my day!

Thanks for answering.

[Anonymous]

We all want to impress that person that much