I hate when some guys show attraction towards me. What do I do about this feeling… I don’t feel good enough?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been called stupid/ slow all my life.. by many different people. I struggle a lot with social anxiety and focusing. I struggle with fitting in and feeling accepted by my peers.. even at the age of 25. I’m starting to shut down and stay to myself to avoid being called mean things or people being mean to me.

Some guys may be curious about me then they realize who I am and become disappointed..

I like this guy for the simple fact that he seems to adore me but I refuse to let him know who I really am. He’s talking to someone else now.. and she is everything I wish to be..

I can’t shake this feeling of inadequacy

[MrCommodore]

What is it that makes you feel inadequate or makes guys disappointed?

[Asker]

Because of my “incompetence” .. feeling like he will leave me bc I’m dumb/stupid

[MrCommodore]

No person is perfect, we'll have flaws and weaknesses, you are no less than anyone else, you just lack confidence in yourself.

[Asker]

How do you gain confidence when you’ve been called stupid and dumb all your life?

What guy would want that type of woman?

[MrCommodore]

I agree its difficult to gain confidence when people constantly put you down with negative comments.

I heard a quote one time "If people judged a gold fish on its ability to climb a trees, the gold fish would spend its life thinking its stupid." The same applies to people, you are probably good at things unique to you.

I'm sure a guy will fall in love with you for the total person you are.

[Asker]

The only thing I’m good at is art

As much as I want to believe you I can’t. No one wants a stupid person

[MrCommodore]

You're not stupid, especially if you are good at art, it just means you have a creative brain, don't be negative about yourself. Focus on what you are good at.

[Asker]

Okay ❤️

Thank you for not judging me.

[MrCommodore]

No worries, I'm just trying to answer questions honestly, not be biased or bullshit, give an honest opinion from a normal guys perspective. You are suffering from other people not being kind to you for so long, that needs to change.

[Asker]

Joining onlyfans and sex work has been boosting me a little. I like the validation that it brings

[MrCommodore]

😂 yeah that'll do it

[Asker]

Yeah

[MrCommodore]

I'm sorry, I just was caught off guard when you said that, I thought for a second you were joking. But its cool if it makes you happy and you're doing it freely by choice. It doesn't mean you won't meet a great guy who likes you for you.

[Asker]

I don’t want to do it but sometimes that’s the only love that I feel.

[MrCommodore]

Oh okay, it's kind of a sad story in that case, like you feel that way because of how you've been treated for years. Your not dumb or stupid, you've just been dealt a tough hand in life. You're no less than anyone else.

[Asker]

It doesn’t have to be. I can make a new life for myself.. I was thinking about moving to Las Vegas or try for playboy but I don’t have a big following yet.. but I feel like somebody for once. I like the validation it brings.. i never had that growing up. I don’t want to be pathetic anymore

I might teach temporarily but that’s not a good look.

[MrCommodore]

Do you get a lot of guys asking you out because of the Only Fans/Sex stuff?
Or do you ever just meet a guy who gets chatting to you and likes you more for your personality and has no idea about the Only Fans stuff?

Teaching art or something else?

[Asker]

Some actually do start to like my personality but they still don’t know about all that’s happened or anything.

I don’t want to but, yes… I might start teaching art to middle schoolers.

[MrCommodore]

Teaching art could be a cool outlet, definitely something you should try, even as a sideline.
Its possible that a guy could get to know you as a person, know about the other stuff and still love you.

[Asker]

Maybe lol but I doubt it.

Now that I’m doing borderline porn.. no guy is going to want that. Plus I think I’ll make a cool bimbo. I don't know lol

[Asker]

I was also inspired by Mia Khalifa lol she did porn bc of her self esteem. I can totally relate.. I think we are a lot alike

[MrCommodore]

I'm not familiar with Mia Khalifa , but her name does ring a bell. Yeah not every guy will want a serious relationship with a girl who dabbles in porn etc, but I believe there is someone for everybody, who will like you for who you are and not mistreat you.

I've never actually viewed an Only Fans account to be honest, not something that ever appealed to me, it seems to be really popular now.

[Asker]

Yeah its popular

[MrCommodore]

Well hope it works out for you, you seem like a nice person. Take care

[Asker]

Thank you for your time. ❤️

[Asker]

Thanks again

[MrCommodore]

You're welcome. You ok?

[Asker]

Yes, thank you

[Asker]

Do you want to follow my onlyfans

[MrCommodore]

I'm not sure what that involves, I've never been in it before. How does it work?

[Asker]

Oh it’s okay.

[MrCommodore]

Message me a link or something

[MrCommodore]

I mean PM it

[FilmGuy93]

Address that foundational trauma! Identify it, address the problem.

[Asker]

Lol … that’s impossible. I might just be special ed

[FilmGuy93]

Normally I would disagree, but If you refuse to do anything about something you know is a short coming, then you might just be, lol

[Asker]

How can I do something about something I can’t change? Lol

[FilmGuy93]

You can change it, you're just refusing to do the introspection and self work that you'd need to to make the change. I'm not judging you for it. I'm just saying that the problem is far from "out of your hands."

[KrakenAttackin]

Most men your age have the same insecurities, but men are forced to work through it.

[Asker]

Yeah but men choose who they want to marry… that’s the difference

[Anonymous]

Sucks to be you. Get some self esteem.

[Asker]

That was a bit harsh. You shouldn’t insult someone and then give them advice.

Another negative thing to add👍🏽

[Opinion Owner]

How was that harsh? OK, further advice. "Get a thicker skin".

[Asker]

“Sucks to be you” … that was very harsh and it validates how I already feel.

I have very thick stick, but it’s only so much I can take. Thick skin still cracks

[Opinion Owner]

Let me tell you something l was told a long time ago. "There's never going to be a point in life where the world is NOT a mean place". You have to find the goodness and strength in you. Because no one is going to give it to you. MY advice to you is DON'T listen to just anyone. We as human being tend to magnify insults and minimize compliments. Listen to those people who love you. Because honestly they'd be better judge. They're the only ones who know you well enough to determine judge who you are, both good and bad. Not someone you just met. This is a learning process. Get in the habit of blocking out the negative. Don't insult yourself that's negative. Compliment yourself. Tell yourself, remind yourself of all your good points. It won't happen over night. But over time you'll start to believe it. Don't let others rejection determine your value. Too many times we take rejection as person. I get it! They're telling you you're not good enough. But according to whose standards? What makes them the authority on what is? Most the time people who reject don't even know you. Because if they did they'd be a FOOL to reject you. Tell yourself that! Believe it! Because if it WEREN'T TRUE there wouldn't be people who love you. Nobody has to love you. THEY CHOOSE TO! Always remember that.

[Asker]

Thank you. I appreciate those kind words and wisdom. 🙏