I feel like guys don't like me?

[thrillcr]

pretty much what the title says. i (21F) feel like whenever i'm in a group with other guys my age they don't really want me around for some reason. they don't talk to me as much as they do with other people in the group (and sometimes just straight up ignore me), including other girls, and it's kind of an awkward situation for me. i am pretty introverted, but i've never noticed this in groups where the majority is female. it could be the fact that i'm goth, and maybe they just find the way i look weird, but this happens in alternative spaces as well. i don't understand if it's something i do, i think i act pretty normal.

i don't have this issue online and i have many male friends, i've only noticed this in settings where the people i'm hanging out with are strangers or acquaintances.

is there something specific that girls do that might make you not want to interact with them in group settings?

[RavVid]

Quite simply extroverted girls are going to get more attention as they sort of demand attention.

A lot of people play a dead bat conversationally and that does become difficult. If you give closed answers you just have to expect the conservation to shut down and the person to move on.

If you get what I mean. If you respond Yes or No shuts down whereas if you said "I love xyz because of..." it opens up conversation.

I don't if this is the problem - just guessing. If you are goth, guys might assume you have interests right outside of theirs. Are you interested in things that guys your age are interested in? .

[thrillcr]

i am in quite a few male dominated communities, like metal and tabletop rpgs, and i seem to struggle in those spaces too. sometimes i'll say something about the topic we all like and they'll just stare at me and say nothing

[RavVid]

Hmmh, I don't think I can suggest anything. They seem quite rude.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Someone from Italy, that's a rare sight, for me !

Honestly, goth + introversion is a combo that says a lot already, I've seen this combo many times in my life 😅 and it tells me that, from an acquaintance/stranger perspective you are difficult to approach, not because of who you are, but because of what you represent. We all live on a permanent stage, on this stage you have chosen a representation of you that is... not universally approachable.

That being said, the stage is tribalized, so which tribe do you visit? I bet you'll have more interactions if you spend time in goth tribes, goth and assimilated, metal, stuff you know

[thrillcr]

some of the experiences i was thinking about while writing the post were at metal shows 😭 but it's definitely a little bit better in spaces like that

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Okay, assume the better situation, always, keep on keeping in these circles :D
Or go out of introversion a little and push to reach people, if you can, moderately

But know this, no one can expect great results when the gender majority is not yours, gender is also a tribe, which is not your tribe. And when it is not your tribe, the only way is forward, if you stay backward a tribe will exclude or ignore you, by default. It's not against you, it's just how the world works :)

[ChicoFromThe305]

I think something that plays effect in what makes you look like someone easier or harder to talk too is appearance and if you got that whole goth thing going it's possible maybe people find it somewhat a bit intimidating meanwhile other women give off an easier vibe to speak too and if you aren't very talkative it means the talking is basically up to whoever you with to speak too and that just make it harder too.

[thrillcr]

i guess it makes sense. i'm definitely not the most approachable looking person

[ChicoFromThe305]

It sees not

[Anonymous]

I think it’s the whole goth thing. The two women who I know who are in their 40s, single as a dollar bill. I don’t know exactly what you look like but these women have multiple piercings, nose ring, dress in black a lot, oddly cut hairstyles. Wear dark lipstick, etc. No man really wants to date a girl like that. Especially if he’s serious about her. I wouldn’t take her home to see my parents that’s for sure. So yes there’s probably a vibe you put off. You probably don’t look approachable. Men want women who are feminine. Not a girl who looks like a zombie or something. I’m sure there are some fetishes for this, but I don’t think k you want to be someone’s fetish. You want to be their light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not saying it’s impossible to find someone who won’t accept you for who you are, the odds are just stacked against you.

[thrillcr]

damn ok? i'm not talking about dating, i'm talking about people interacting with me in group settings. i don't have any problems when it comes to dating

[Opinion Owner]

You’ll have have to forgive me if I find I don’t believe you about the dating. I would think that if you’re able to get men to talk to you, you can get other people to talk to you as well just in general.

[thrillcr]

you don't have to believe me for something to be true. men hit on me all the time. my issue is that i struggle in group settings specifically

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. Lol

[CuriousHubby]

Sounds like dumb groups usually we try to include girls or shy girls. Probably just find different groups and make sure they don't over brag. Cause those guys only want to hear Thier own voices!

Your doing good working on being social keep it up!

[Kaneki05]

If you have no problem with male friends online and act the same in person.
Then the problem ain't your personality.
It will be how attractive you are.
If you are attractive then I don't see why you would have any issues. So it's the only thing I can think of.
I wouldn't worry to much in the end increases chances someone will like you for you.

[thrillcr]

this is the nicest way i've ever been called ugly

[Kaneki05]

The truth don't care about our feelings but I tried. Though I could be wrong but I don't see what else it is without anything else to go on.
Personality always matters more however there do be a lot of people dependent on looks but you probably think this to dating that kind of person is not someone you want anyway.

[Berethor]

Being introverted and goth don't help with being popular in real life but if you have many male friends then who cares? does goth guys also don't talk to you in real life?

https://www.youtube.com/embed/m1rigKlZX2w

[thrillcr]

yeah, most of the guys i'm talking about are alternative themselves lol

[Berethor]

That's makes sense, you think that Gogeta is Goth? he got himself a black shirt. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHIWFdZ-sqE

[ICanSmellTheCosmos]

You may seem cold in person. Or, your body gestures / facial expressions could be misinterpreted. I have "resting douche face", so folks sometimes think that I'm in a rotten mood when I'm not. Women seem to dislike me more than men.

[thrillcr]

makes sense, i have been told that i have a resting sad face

[noohair]

I would say the Goth thing is the problem in person. That makes sense to me. People just don't know what to say.

[scott04sa22]

I can see why

[thrillcr]

this sounds slightly ominous