How to proceed after a friend/classmate rejects me?

[Anonymous]

Over the years, I've been looking online for answers as to "why" I keep getting rejected, because no matter what I try, it just doesn't work. About a year ago, I said I'd just focus on school and not worry at all about girls at all after being rejected by a girl who seemed to be interested but apparently wasn't. So here comes this girl that at first I barely noticed, but I learn over time that we're a lot alike (my opinion) and from spending so much time with her, so many classes together, even hanging out a few times for several hours at a time, I start to develop feelings for her. Smart, sarcastic, kind-hearted, tough, selfless, cute. Special. Amazing. I'd then ask her out twice, and she'd say "no" twice, all the while the bond between us getting a little stronger. We had a long talk last night, because over the school break, she not only blew me off to hang out, but got a boyfriend too. Light-hearted conversation got serious. I tried not to say much of what I wanted to, but she kept pushing me to tell her what was on my mind. So I told her how much she'd come to matter to me over the last year getting to know her. She explained to me why she would blow me off, but honestly, I already knew why. I was being hard-headed about the whole thing because I believe something whole-heartedly...that she doesn't. I still do. I told her she was my best friend at the school, and while she agreed that I was the same to her, that seems to be as far as she wants it to go. I could tell she felt bad, and I tried to explain that she shouldn't. I finally told her I'm never changing the way I feel about her, but that I just won't talk about it anymore. I guess we're still friends because we went right back to talking the way we used to.

Even so, I didn't think a rejection could hurt as much as this one does, especially since that's all I ever seem to get. But avoiding her didn't seem to make sense to me, because this school is way too small, and the only way not to be near her would be to drop out. It hurts so much because the older I get, with every new rejection, it seems like God's screwing with me, and the only thing I REALLY want in life--a wife and some kids--I can't have it. Now, there's this absolutely spectacular girl that I have to have classes with that I can never be with, but can't avoid either. It's infuriating and depressing, and I really don't know what to do anymore.

People like me just fine, but girls NEVER like me "that way", and they never even give me a chance. I AM venting, because I don't know where else to go with these feelings but here. What would you do if you were me?

Stay friends with her

DON'T stay friends with her.

"Other"

[fefe884]

Gee I'm really sorry about that. What I think you should do is to remain friends with her but stop having feelings for her. I know that's not an easy thing to do because a similar thing happened to be with a guy whereby I thought he liked me and I had strong feelings for him (the only guy I've ever had strong feelings for). We were good friends and had pretty much everything in common, only for him to reject me when I opened up to him about how I felt about him. It was not easy to stop having feelings for him but thank God I was able to stop those feelings. We're still friends but we never hang out anymore because he has a girlfriend. I'm happy the way things are between us, and I've moved on. So you can and should move on too. Remain friends with her though, but moving on means you wouldn't be as close with her as you usually are because lets face it; a girl and guy can never be just friends when they're close to each other. At least one of them is bound to fall for the other, and either get it in return or get hurt from rejection.

[udolipixie]

How to proceed after a friend/classmate rejects me?

Don't stay friends with her

What would you do if you were me?

I'd compare what I I have to offer a partner and what I want in a partner honesty assessing my attractiveness, appeal, personality, wealth, and status to see if I have high expectations in exchange for what I bring to the table. In my observations most guys with consistent romantic/sexual failures are overestimating what they bring to the table.

"People like me just fine, but girls NEVER like me "that way", and they never even give me a chance. "

More likely the gals you want never like you sort of like how often when a gal complains no guy approaches she means no guy she wants. I highly doubt you're giving chances to gals you find unattractive or don't like much less would you ever be in a position to as generally guys approach and gals choose so it's probably suited for you to discard this "they never even give me a chance" mindset.

[Asker]

The only thing in your reply I take issue with is the part about me not giving a chance to girls I'm not attracted to [physically]. That's a given. Couple that with the rest of your logic: what I bring to the table, the only thing that could be lacking, I think, is that I'm not physically attractive. I wouldn't know how to judge my own appearance, but years of failure would suggest that that's probably it. And I HAVE taken a swing at a few girls that weren't all that hot. Same end result.

[udolipixie]

By taking a swing at a *few* gals that aren't all that hot do you mean gals that aren't physically attractive or gals that are cute/pretty?

There's a difference in going for gals you aren't attracted to and going for cute/pretty gals that you don't find as attractive as cuter/prettier/hot gals.

Until you're doing the former I think it's suited to discard this "they never even give me a chance" mindset.

[Asker]

"hot" is subjective, but I don't believe I've ever gone after any 9's or 10's. The one's I'm talking about were probably 5's and 6's. Chubby, skinny, butterfaces, whatever, etc. And those, I'm convinced just liked the attention I paid them, and didn't care for me either. But this last girl, like I said, I didn't even notice until I started talking to her, because she was there. But yeah, she's pretty. She's not built like a model, and she's a giant nerd. Maybe an 8? I don't know.

[udolipixie]

So your idea of giving a chance are a taking a swing at *few* gals that are average (5) and slightly above average (6)..okay then.

Since these swings were at a *few* seems most of your pursuits were above average loolking gals like 7s and 8s.

Are you also a 7/8 or are you more 5/6? If so you're average looking it's not much to be giving chances to a *few* gals that are in you range so again it's suited to discard this "give me a chance" mindset.

[Asker]

What would a 5'2 girl that's at least 30 lbs overweight be on your 1-10 scale? Because on mine she's a 5. What about a girl with awful teeth, bad acne, awful hair, and a sh*tty attitude be? I gave her a 6. Trying to make sure we're on the same page here. I have no idea what I am. But my best guess is 6. What it seems like you're saying repeatedly to me is that looks matter an assload to women, which I had concluded a long time ago, despite what people have told me.

[udolipixie]

Can you provide a pic similar to the gals you described and a pic similar to how you looks. I've noted to most guys 'at least 30 lbs overweight' means a gal being a healthy weight and 'bad acne' means a gal without a flawless complexion.

Looks matter an "assload" to most people however they tend to matter less to gals than guys as gals are constantly in the situation to consider a partner less attractive themselves or less attractive than they want while guys rarely are in that situation.

[Asker]

1) provide it where?

2) Granted I can't tell you how overweight somebody is, but if you have two chins, baggy military-style coveralls are tight on you, your stomach's tucked into your pants, and you look round, I wouldn't necessarily call that healthy. Now, to be fair, I'm 6'3, 205 lbs. And I've started working out more than I already did. I have a gut that only I know is there, and I'm working to get rid of it.

[udolipixie]

1) Copy and paste the pic url a comment

A pic of a gal you rate as a 5

A pic of a gal you rate as a 6

A pic of a guy similar to you

Though in my opinion the pics are pretty pointless as my point was discarding your "give me a chance" mindset when you've only given a *few* gals a chance and most of your pursuits seem to be 7s and 8s who are possibly out of your range.

[Asker]

won't let me do it. it keeps saying "comment is either too long or too short", and deleting it. what if I emailed them to you or something?

by the way, you seem irritated that I used the phrase "give me a chance". for now, let's concede that I shouldn't have said it, so that you don't have to keep repeating yourself.

[udolipixie]

Not necessary to email them to me as my point was most of your pursuits are out of your range while the gals that are in your range are the ones you gave a chance.

I'm not irritated I think it's suited not to have that mindset as it suggests entitlement particularly when you rate yourself a 6 and consider it giving it a chance to go for a 6 as you normally go for 7s and 8s.

[ashleybeans]

I say you should stay friends with her but in the long run it may be too painful for you because you will be stuck wanting more and she may feel awkward. By the time you guys hang out more often you may no longer want to be her friend because of the rejection, pain and you may wanna move on dunno. :D

[Anonymous]

Do not stay friends with a girl that rejected you. If she wants your emotional attention, she needs to date you. Women are for dating, not friendship. Every minute that you spend with a so-called female friend is time better spent hitting on new girls. Trust me, move on and find new girls to hit on.

[Bhoot]

although I agree that he needs to move one, I strongly disagree that "women are for dating and not friendship" are you sugesting you have never been friends with a girl purely for the sake of friendship?

[Opinion Owner]

Most women are too selfish to be good friends with a man, plus they'll give him horrible dating advice. Women ask for far more help from their male friends than they give back. For guys that are bad with women (and this guy sounds like it) it will hurt his progress to be friends with a girl. The only men who can be friends with women are the men who have plenty of romantic/sexual relationships on the side, such that a woman as a friend isn't a setback and he won't be taken advantage of.

[fefe884]

I agree with anonymous guy

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

If all you wanted was to be more than friends with her, no, don't stay with her. If you wanted to still have her as a part of your life, then ya, stay friends.

[Asker]

Once I start caring about people--the way I do with all my friends, including her--I don't know how to just turn it off. What I'm saying is, I care about her, regardless of everything else. Do you have any suggestions for that?

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Ya I know how that is... it's a pain in the ass. Like this one friend of mine, well don't know if we're still friends. Hard to stop caring about her even though she puts no effort and ya...

I guess just stay friends. Take some time away from her for now until you move on, but don't end the friendship.

[tomfeltonforever]

I'd be friendly to her, but I wouldn't ask to hang out all the time otherwise she'll think that you're trying to get her to like you or think you're clingy or something.

[111235]

Relax yo I am going through the exact same thing. Don't let it get you down because you will find the right one eventually.

[Pedrodestructo]

you dump that hoe and get a new one from your school

[Lentilsbrah]

be a sick kunt.

eg. in response to long posts/ texts such as this

brb too long did not read.

[Anonymous]

It really up to you. I have been reje ted by a male friend of mine and we are still friends.

[Moloch]

You need to meet other girls to get over this one.