I think my boyfriend is attracted to my 19 year old daughter

[Anonymous]

About me...I am 45, 5'1 and 113 pds...I'm pretty and people tell me I look 30. I have 6 kids, 5 girls, one boy. I've been in a relationship for 18 months now with a 58 year old man who admits he's always been attracted to 20 year old women. I have a 19 year old daughter who is very very pretty and he talks about her alot. He always seems to find a way to bring her up in conversation, most times in the form of a joke, even when we talk about things that have nothing to do with her. And a few times, has tried to include her in some of our activities. When I asked him if he was attracted to her or something, he got mad that I would assume such a thing. He said he felt really bad for admitting this, but in reality he hates her. He says he hates that she disrespects me and her disrespect towards me makes her unattractive to him. He says it bothers him that she doesn't talk to him when he comes over and never looks him in the eye. He says he feels uncomfortable around her, and senses she hates him (she does hate him) and since he's never met anyone who didn't like him before, this bothers him tremendously. He says he is merely trying to find a way to bridge the gap between them. Personally, I feel that because he talks about her a lot more than my other kids that he is attracted to her and thinks about her a lot more than he should. Should I be worried?

Updates

+1 y

Thank to everyone for your answers...I had a feeling, but I just wanted a different point of view, in case I could be wrong. I guess I wasn't LOL

[Hannah591]

The fact that he brings her up all the time is a huge indicator that she's on his mind a lot, hating on her or not. If you hate someone though, you usually push them out of your mind and discourage any conversation about them, which is what makes his behavior odd. It's good you told him what you were seeing. I think he got all defensive because he does like her and he got mad that you'd picked up on it. If he knew he didn't like her in that way, he would've laughed it off, not got mad. Also, do you want a man around who hates your daughter (if he's actually telling the truth) for a stupid reason? A mature adult man would not hate a young girl for disliking him, he'd shrug it off and not think much of it. Or he'd take matters into his own hands and speak to her like an adult and relieve any tension between them. He wouldn't just hate her guts. He's hiding his affection with the opposite to it; aggression. He's probably mad at himself for liking her or the fact that she's not interested in him.

To me, he sounds a bit unstable. I know I wouldn't like a guy round my children who dislikes one child (to hide his affection) and who gets mad when confronted about such things. Things could escalate to much more serious things.

[Anonymous]

He's attracted to her. I was raised by a single mother who was completely oblivious to anything that wasn't directly related to her. When I was 13 she had a boyfriend who tried to always hang around me, talk to me, etc. Anyway, one day when I was alone in the house, he held me down and kissed me on the forehead, and gave me a filthy/lustful look. After that day, he bolted because no doubt he knew I'd tell my male family members (which I did).

Anyway I told my story to illustrate something, my point is if he's acting like he's interested in her than he is. It probably explains why your daughter hates him too, because she's picked up on it.

[DianaWest]

get rid of him. i would never jeopardize my child's wellbeing for some old man who does not know to stick closer to his own age.

[talloak]

That sounds pretty disturbing to me. So much focus on her is a bad sign in itself but added to that the vehemence against her when she chooses not to spend time with him, that suggests something unhealthy.

Have you talked frankly with your daughter about why she hates him? Does she feel that he's attracted to her?

[OfDeath]

So did he end up banging the 19 year old daughter?

[Alwayreckles93]

Break up with at all cost CUTT THAT PERVERTED CREEP OFF. That is creepy if your daughterhatesbhim its for a reason. That men is sick.

[Anonymous]

Go with your gut. Mothers have a sense when it comes to trouble around their kids. If you feel it go with it.

[LiamJHayden]

Follow your instincts. You can tell if it's a mentor-like intention or something else.

[dommage]

he sounds like a jerk, who would say that and then try to excuse himself with feeling bad?

[Anonymous]

Yes,I think you should be alarmed.

[Cottoncandydreams]

red flag.