Why do girls lie or make an excuse instead of rejecting a guy?

Question

Really, I know why, its just dumb though, its to protect the guys feelings obviously...but it doesn't work, in fact it does the opposite effect.

The past 2 girls I really liked and asked out made up some excuse about not being ready for a relationship or some crap like that, that's never true.

Then literally like 1-2 months later have boyfriends. That hurts more than a straight up rejection. Not only do you get rejected but you get lied to as well, does not feel good.

Girls, don't do this...or even guys.

Be straight forward.

bijinbijinbijin · Accepted Answer

guys can't handle rejection.

Guy: "i have to admint I have had a crush on you for a long time now. I always see you around and you seem really cool. I was just wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime?"

Girl#1: "Oh that is very sweet of you but I have a boyfriend"

Girl#2: "i am lesbian"

Girl#3: "yeah you seem cool too that sounds like fun, I'm busy this week but I will have to keep you posted. I have to hurry and deliver this thing but I will see you around. Bye!"

Guy: "well I'm sure he is one lucky guy"

"well good luck with the ladies"

"i totaly just did not get her number" *slaps himself*

guy never bugs these girls again and the third girl is just always on the go. everytime he sees her all he can get out of her is a "Hi! well I gotta go now, see you around!"

guy is frustrated "I keep getting rejected!" "Girls keep lieing!"

but he still keeps trying

Guy: "Hey, you are really pretty"

Girl#4: "Thank You"

-guy keeps running into Girl#4-

Girl#4 "so my mom invited Mrs Thomas over for blah blah blah yada yada yada yippi kayyeah

Guy: (I like her hair)

-next day-

Girl#4: "Eric poked me on Facebook and then I was like ... gosh I hate Eric ... I know he wants to fuck me"

Guy: (her boobs look so soft)

-2 months later-

Girl#4: "Eric is kind of cute though. blah blah blah blah ... and then Tina was like yada yada..."

Guy: "So it took me a lot of guts to tell you this, but I really really like you"

Girl#4: "No Way! Wow this is too funny!.. Wait are you being serious? like really? but I thought you were gay. My gay best friend. boy do I feel bad now"

Guy: "You feel bad!?"

-awkward-

guy is super pissed off

Guy: "I don't even know what I saw in you. You are just a dumb bitch anyway. you go for a**holes like Eric and you are a stupid bitch!"

When the girl lies (or it could very well be the truth, like why is it so hard to belive that an attractive girl already has a boyfriend?) or just avoids the guy, he stays away, nobody insults eachother, It leaves the door open for future contact if the girls happens to be mentally available. .When the girl is honest and says what she thinks about the guy, he is very angry, his ego is bruised he calls her names he negatively lables her so that he knows to hate her and bridges are burned.

things to remember about rejection.

Everyone isn't meant for everyone. Its trial and error, some people work out and others dont. Before you meet your prince you have to kiss a few frogs. Trust me, many girls fail with guys too. I know I have but life goes on and now I met someone.

misssouthernbelle · Accepted Answer

This especially comes from women that have never asked a guy out themselves before. Back in my first years of college, I was a lot like that. I was the sweet, nice girl who didn't want to hurt the poor guy's feelings, though I just wasn't attracted to him. So, I would defer, or not answer, which is the language that speaks to a man "I'm of high value and you're going to have to work harder" which in turn, switches on his hunter mode. He'll try harder.

When I began to ask guys out myself, I began to see how brutal you men have it, even though women are wired to be way more sensitive. It finally made me realize how mean it is to play with a guy's feelings. And, how it is easy to make someone feel led on.

From that point forward, I'm straight up with a guy. I'll tell him, nicely, "I really like you. You're a sweet guy and a great friend, but I just don't see you as more than that and I'd like to be upfront and honest with you, so that you may find a woman wants more."

Seriously, ladies. It's not that hard. And, I've found that men actually respect that, though their pride is still hurt.

I feel your pain, but it's most likely that she didn't want to hurt you and she is still maturing in that department.

Just keep this in mind as a tip: One thing I've noticed is that guys go after the girls that make them jump through hoops to win their affection because this - in a guy's mind - means she's of high value. What I've come to realize is that if she's not giving you slack and putting in at least a little effort, she's not really interested, or she's the kind of girl - not woman - that you don't want to be involved with because she's more than likely one of those who thinks of herself and presents herself as some grand prize, when she's really not when you get to know her. It's just something I've noticed. Women of high value and class will not act like they are the prize to beat all prizes when you start pursing them...because they know they are a prize without having to prove it to you, you know? It's like a facade and you'll realize this the older you get.

It's confusing, but as a good and classy woman, I've definitely noticed this about my fellow women. You'll find the right one! Good luck. :)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

To be honest, I've done it. Guys who I barely knew have tried to ask me out (I guess just based on looks) so I don't want to take the time and explain to them why I don't want to go out with them--I just tell them I'm taken. Yes, I've lied, I'm horrible. But I've also been asked out by close guy friends, and because I care about them a lot, I can't bear to tell them that I don't and won't like them as more than a friend so I might put the blame on something else (no time, still recovering from something, too emotionally occupied etc) but those aren't lies...they just play a smaller factor in my decision to say no. And finally, one guy kept bugging me for the "real" reason why I didn't want to date him and I got annoyed and told him the truth, straight-up, that he was too (bad trait bad trait) for my liking. Or something along those lines. He probably would have preferred something less hurtful like "I'm taken"...but he literally begged for it...

As for your situation, a lot of things change over 1-2 months. I'm sorry it makes you feel bad but sometimes there are girls who genuinely can't do a relationship at that given moment. Not everyone lies.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I feel you, brother. And I understand that whatever you're saying is TOTALLY right. They behave in such a way because they're under the illusion that it doesn't hurt the guy's feelings as much as a straightforward rejection. Let me be frank, most girls will NOT accept a guy if he's neither rich nor good looking, even if he has a thousand other positives about him. This holds good even if the girl herself is less attractive than the guy. They prefer both money AND looks in a guy, but even if you have a lot of one of those to compensate for the lack of the other, then you still have a chance. If not, then I'm afraid you're out of luck.

Another possible reason for them to say 'I'm not ready for a relationship', is to just keep their options open. For example, if a girl says this to you, then later dates several jerks and gets her heart broken multiple times, then she's sure to come back to you. She would say stuff like "I was wrong about you, you're such a nice guy. I dated those jerks and suffered so much". She knows very well that it would make her look vulnerable and gain your sympathy. Hence you may still end up dating her. On the other hand, if she had directly told you "I don't want to date you (for whatever reason)", then it is highly unlikely for you to accept her if she has to come back to you later. Also, it would hurt her 'pride' if she has to return to the guy whom she rejected, as a last resort.

See, women are VERY intelligent and cunning. They perfectly understand the male psychology, so they know exactly how to make men dance to their tunes. But men are too foolish and they just can't understand a woman's true intentions. Its the bitter truth, but there's nothing we can do about it. We men have to just grin and bear it.

Anyway, you're just 20 years old, so you still quite young. I had my first girlfriend only at age 23. I don't think you look so bad that you can't get a date. in fact, you look quite decent. Of course, I'm only saying this from a general perspective because I'm a straight male, so the romantic perspective of women with respect to your looks might be different. Since you have age on your side, just work VERY hard and make wagonloads of money. Then you'll see how hot women flock to you.

P.S. Of course, I know there are women who are very sweet, nice and kind who value a guy as a person and not for his looks/money, but those kind of women are an exception. That's why I have used the word 'most' instead of 'all' in my answer.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Women tend to avoid conflict, and guys, historically, can't handle hearing the truth. All things considered, I'm almost certain that most guys would rather hear "I'm to busy to date anyone at this time in my life" from woman they mustarded up the courage to approach, as opposed to hearing "you are not attractive to me" or "I'm accustomed to being approached by taller, better looking, more successful guys. Sorry, but I'll pass."

Guys say they want the truth when women reject them but there ego and ensuing behavior says otherwise. If only they knew the thoughts of women during the process, chances are they will be more welcoming of subtle rejections.

MaskedSanity · Answer

I had a guy do that to me and goddamn it stung for awhile.

We seemed to get along very well and after weeks I brought up the subject and asked, if he'd like to go on a date.

He told me a bunch of bullshit about how he has no time for a relationship right now, too busy with work blah blah blah.

A month later he changes his status to "In a relationship with so and so". Fuck this guy. Seriously, I thought he was a good friend, but he just lied to my face claiming he's "not ready", when in reality he's been seeing this one girl in secret for AGES.

Why didn't he just tell me there was someone else? It would have been the truth and a legit reason. He could have told me he thought I was ugly or that I had a shit personality and those would have been valid reasons as well. Instead, he gave me hope that later he'd have more time and we might get together. So of course in that time I developed more feelings for him only to have them stomped on so insensitively.

In the end he hurt my feelings more by trying not to hurt my feelings.

Jade4 · Answer

Okay I also request women (and guys) don't do this because...it actually sometimes is true, for eg I'm planning on moving interstate and have no interest in being tied down here, my friend just got dumped by his fiancée and truly isn't ready, but since people say this shit all the time it's like the boy who cried wolf, no one believes you even though its actually true,  I'm having to make up excuses other than I'm not wanting to date anyone right now just to get rid of people. Stop using it if its not true people! You don't even have to give a reason, I hate lying so I've moved on to just saying thank you but no, " o come on why not?" Um, because I said no, if they still keep going? Because I don't date men who don't understand the word no (yes this last ones a but rude but if you've said no twice already then there's few other options). Grow a spine people, there'd be way less questions and confused people on this website if people told the truth

flower76 · Answer

Believe it or not, women are sensitive to a guys ego.  It's not that it's a lie, it's that we don't want to ruin a guy (in most cases). Some women understand the importance for a man to still feel like a man even in rejection.  And it's a double etched sword.  If we're honest, we're bitches. If we let you down easy, we're liars.  I've known guys to do the same thing.  And I actually have more respect for those guys that do it gently.  Rejecting affection shouldn't be an easy thing to do and I hate it every time I have to do it.  Hope this helps.

confugirl · Answer

They try to let you down easily, but also keep their options open. Personally, I think it's best just to be honest without insulting him. Just telling the truth, but not per se I don't want to date him. Unless he asks of course. It seems counterproductive to keep his hopes up and have him staring at me.

kaylaS91 · Answer

I don't know if this would apply to those two girls you mentioned, but I would think that if a decent girl were to that it would mostly because in her eyes, whether she tells you straight up that she's simply not interested in you or isn't ready at the moment, either way it's going to hurt you.

keeping that in mind, going with the 'just not ready at the moment' sounds the least brutal, as well as least likely to be taken personally by the guy.

harveykinkle · Answer

Sometimes some guys (not all) react really badly. They take offence, then get mean and go on about how we're bitches and think we're better than them.

Other times some assume we're playing "hard to get" or assume that "no" actually means "not now".

Once I turned down a guy and he told the whole school I had STDs (it was a small 11/12 school and it got around)

These types of things give rise to the half-assed excuses and lies to reject them.

The minority of self-entitled guys have wrecked it for the nicer ones like you.

iluvchewbucca · Answer

Well, has it ever crossed your mind that perhaps they meant the were not ready for a relationship with "you" in particular, & not in general? ...and then someone else crosses their path who they naturally click with, and it feels as if they are ready to initiate a relationship with that specific person, not with just anybody.

Anyway, I know what you mean! and yeah I've done it, and even though I've heard repeatedly that most people prefer a straight honest truth, when it's in the moment it happens, it's kind of hard just to reject someone so bluntly. It is for me anyway, but most times guys take a hint, as well as we can take a hint.

How's a good way to reject a guy, being straight forward yet not seeming so mean or cold? There's no way, I don't think..

hopromantic · Answer

Well it could be true for some I know I'll tell a guy I'm not ready for a relationship,which is true I'm not but I'll come across a guy that catches my interest more than the other guy did and I'll change my mind and give it a try. Or maybe it's an ex of theirs that they end up working things out who wouldn't get back with someone that they already had feelings for and already knows? Don't take those kind of things personal

kdizzleforizzle91 · Answer

I've always been straightforward, aside from one time in particular where a guy I barely knew was threatening to kill himself if I "didn't love him anymore", even though those words had never been said. I just didn't want to end up feeling responsible for some crazy person doing something irrational.

Anonymous · Answer

I was going to say something like hopromantic said. I did turn down a guy and say I'm not ready for a relationship. Which was true, but for the right guy it would be worth it. The more honest answer would have been more complicated: Well, I don't dislike you, but something just doesn't feel right for me. And that's a type of answer most guys just comprehend. I also turned down two crazy guys (one who was sucidial), with: well I plan to move soon. Which again, was partially true. And I have lied about having a boyfriend to any guy that randomly walks up to me call me pretty then asks for my number in some ghetto voice without even learning my name, come on now! But if you ask me guys lie just as much. The difference, is that they do it after a date! With things like "well, I'm gonna be out of town for a while" or "I'm busy this week, but ill call you next week," much more cruel in my perspective. I'd prefer the truth too!

lollipopsforyou · Answer

I don't think it's about not wanting to hurt your feelings, to be honest I don't really think they care about them. It's more about their personalities, there are honest and straight forward people and there are the opposite as well, probably this girls aren't honest and straight forward in other aspects of their lives as well.

Don't take it personally though if they didn't want to be with you, their loss ;)

ColdFeet · Answer

Doesn't really mean it was a lie. When people say they don't want a relationship it usually just takes the right person to come along and change their mind. You weren't that person but the other guys were.

But yeah we lie. The lie is supposed to take away the pain of the rejection. We're hoping you won't feel rejected. Can't blame us for trying to be nice. I'm sure it works with some guys so I'll keep lying. I'll never believe "no, I don't like your face" will be a better response.

princess4u · Answer

Maybe truth is what you want to hear but not for many guys outside there.I have been called ugly,whore,bitch for rejecting or friend zoned guys.I have few of them even started to be racist with me by bashing the entire group of my people just because of that.What do you expect when you get bashed for this? So in the next rejection we will try to be more gentle or do the rejection indirectly to avoid the same thing happened.

Shadow44 · Answer

I'd generally prefer a straight forward answer to thing s but girls give excuses to spare your feelings. I mean the strait forward answer doesn't have to be rude or anything but I'd like to know if there was something wrong or something I might need to improve on.

GoGoDancer · Answer

Females only want good looking rich guys.  It has 0 to do with confidence or personality. I know this to be 100& true because I've been turned down by good looking, average, below average and hell even ugly women.  I'm no prince charming nor I'm I some HollyWood hunk girls only seem to want. In other words females are nothing but a bunch of hypocrites and liars.

Anonymous · Answer

It's to protect the guys feelings. We know it's pathetic and it doesn't actually soften the blow of rejection but we do it anyway because somehow it makes us feel better and less like horrible people for rejecting them.

luckyGurl · Answer

Maybe after 1-2 months of meeting you she was ready lol. So you rather hear from a girl the real reason she doesn't like you? I'd rather take that than hear a cliche 'not ready to date or to be in a relationship'.

kambo_trick3y · Answer

Alright, since we're on the subject of brutal truth. It's cause they probably find you ugly and don't want to tell you that straight out.

Kokujin · Answer

Fair enough to the two responders. One said they're dating their guy. The other said it's a lie and they'll keep lying.  DaFuq.

BrunetteNYC · Answer

Yes, because lying and misleading someone does hurt, especially if we trusted them, even as a friend.

Why do girls lie or make an excuse instead of rejecting a guy?

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