Girls have all these expectations but come up short themselves

[MikeyTheRebel]

This is a myTake directed towards females, because I see a lot of people on here talk about how guys do this and that and we should be chivalrous and if we don't do this or that we aren't suitable enough for them. I get all that trust me, and I don't dismiss it. It's always been the guy's responsibility to initiate and take the relationship forward. BUT, that doesn't mean that you (Girls) just sit there and wait for us to do absolutely everything, after all a relationship is a 50/50 thing.

Even when we do try and we do everything right somehow you fail to be impressed and want way too much of us. If we don't respond to one of your texts we're uninterested and that means we aren't focusing on you enough, if we don't ask you on a date within three weeks of meeting you we aren't serious enough so you move on, etc. If you like a guy, why not actually try to see what's really going on instead of making assumptions?

You expect all these things from us, wanting us to chase you down til the end of time but hardly have anything to offer. Females want to be viewed as equal to men then why not act like it? Why not text us first or even ask us if we want to go somewhere, another thing that baffles me is we guys try so hard while you just sit there evaluating us, as a guy I want to know that you're interested as well.

I'm not about these games, if you're not interested just say it and I'll move on. Quit with the flaking and beating around the bush, trust me when I say guys rather it upfront. You're not sparing our feelings when we ask you out by saying "I'll let you know" or "I might be busy", just say "Sorry I don't see us that way" end of story. And please please dont entertain the idea of a date if you're going to go as "just friends". Guys do not ask a girl out somewhere for the intention of being just friends unless that was blantantly obvious from the beginning.

This myTake isn't to bash girls so I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, there are plenty of girls that do none of these things. I just wanted to offer a guy's point of view on this issue with guys not being "up to standard", if you ask me there's a lot of things guys overlook just because they like you. Many of the times you're not meeting all of our standards but we see something in you and we truly believe that something can happen down the road. I'm not saying you should lower your expectations people, but try to compromise and see that you aren't perfect either.

I defintely want to see everyone's opinion on this so I appreciate your input even if you don't agree with some of the statements I made.

[BinkyBaenziger]

I'm proud to say I'm in a relationship with no gender roles. We both hustle, we both cook, we both clean, we both pay, we both spoil each other. There's nothing wrong with that.. I don't expect any more from my significant other if I don't give in the same amount. Sometimes I wanna pay for dinner, sometimes we split, sometimes he pays. Sometimes I'll open the door, sometimes he'll open the door. 80% of the time he is doing a lot of the "Chivalrous" things because he wants to, and he does it because I dont sit around having a list of expectations, so he is happy to do those things for me. And the same goes for me. He doesn't expect anything from me... that's why it works. We do it out fo the goodness of our hearts and our love for one another, not because we EXPECT it... so your write up makes plenty of sense! Great read! Thanks for writing.

[sdistotallyme]

Awesome response. Girls like remind me there is still hope for woman kind. I also really like "because I dont sit around having a list of expectations, so he is happy to do those things for me". That is so true. I am much more inclined to spoil woman who DON'T EXPECT IT.

[BinkyBaenziger]

Yeah, totally. I think more girls should know this by now... men aren't hard to read.. they are pretty straight forward human beings when it comes to such things. Don't ask for shit, and they'll give you more than you even expected :)

[MikeyTheRebel]

Thank you :)

[genuinlysensitive]

Excellent take! Ironic how many womens idea of a 50/50 relationship is the guy does everything then is blamed for whatever the woman doesn't like. That isn't any kind of healthy relationship.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Good take in general but just a few points

1. "Even when we do try and we do everything right somehow you fail to be impressed"

If you do everything "right" and she still isn't impressed it means she doesn't like you. A girl in love can be VERY easy to impress because love makes us view things through rosey tinted glasses.

2. "If we don't respond to one of your texts we're uninterested "
Well not responding to a text is rude. That's equivalent to ignoring someone talking to you in person. Don't do it and expect me to think you actually care because in real life you wouldn't openly ignore someone you care about.

3. " if we don't ask you on a date within three weeks of meeting you we aren't serious enough "
Well once again... if you need 3 weeks to know if you want to ask me out on a date or not then yes you clearly can't like me very much...

4. "You expect all these things from us, wanting us to chase you down til the end of time but hardly have anything to offer."
If you're chasing a girl who has nothing to offer then YOU are the silly one here and not the girl.

But overall I agree with the message. It should go both ways and be balanced. You can't have just one person doing all the work.

[love2run13]

Yes, I agree with this comment! Otherwise, a good take in general-I agree that everyone, men and women included, should be more straightforward with their intentions.

[Dipsy]

"A girl in love can be very easy to impress", Do you mean that the girl first has to be in love with you/like you a lot and then it's easy to impress?
Just a question

[Dingsbums]

But the funny thing is that the writer of this was not straight forward with his intensions. He only thinks that it was clear and he wants the girl to do the following steps. And it's possible that he was really bad at the date. That's why girls didn't listened to him or only want to be friends afterwards.
@love2run13

[love2run13]

Yea good point Dingsums. I think that no matter what gender you are, if you really end up liking someone the your focus will go to them or if your not into a relationship at all at the moment then your focus is elsewhere and that means all other possible suiters will automatically be pushed off the table.

[MikeyTheRebel]

Lol thanks for the comment, I haven't been on GaG for a while but it's nice to see all these new opinions. I wrote this out of emotion after things happened between me and this girl I was talking to but generally the point I was trying to make still stands. I agree with what your saying though and I can understand your perspective now that I look at it.

[MikeyTheRebel]

*you're

[KAZ-2Y5]

I agree with your general idea but both sides should give 100% not 50/50 because if you do 50/50 then you are just roommates who are romantic together and possibly sleeping together.

Honestly I think you should blame the media. The media is always saying that the guy has to constantly surprise the girl and all the girl has to do is blush and say I have the best boyfriend. Not only that but the media pits pressure on men saying they have to have something planned for his girl on V-day but the girl does not have to do anything. Every year at around V-day I hear a ton of commercials saying hey girls is your boyfriend romantically challenged? Then drop subtle hints for him to get you chocolate and flowers from (insert name of local bakery and florist!) First of all what if I am the romantically challenged one in the relationship? What do you have to say about that society? Second what if a girl wants to do something for her man?

The only thing I ask of guys is if you like me, you make the first move and make it obvious because I can't take a hint but when I do get a boyfriend I am going to surprise him a lot society is going to have to learn to deal with it. *insert evil maniacle laughter*

[sdistotallyme]

I also blame liberal bias in public education that brainwashes women into believing "they are all victims and deserve special treatment from men".

[KAZ-2Y5]

Right society is constantly telling girls to find a man that will surprise her all the time. But don't ever tell the girl to surprise her boyfriend or husband

[MikeyTheRebel]

Very true, media does influence a lot of people. If people just go with how they feel, there wouldn't be so many problems :)

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Women should allow a guy to show his true Interest by his actions. Yes that means instead of taking the mans role and asking him out and pursuing him, fall back be a lady and watch him put effort into getting you. Be careful of the guys who say they want everything easy. Most of the time they are looking for just fun. If that's what you want cool, but I better not see you 4 months later making posts about "why isn't he answering my texts? Why haven't I seen him in 3 weeks?"

Men treat different types of girls totally different. If you step back and let him come to you you'll see what he's willing to do to get your attention and how he goes about it. Some of you ladies are "putting equal effort" only to get dissed by a guy you like.

If it takes you reaching out in order to hear from him then that's not good. If y'all wouldn't have talked unless you called him then he probably doesn't like u as much as the guy who keeps a conversation text wry you all day.

Let a man be a man. Don't try and "help" him be your man. He either wants to or he doesn't. Men do what they want to do

[aniemist]

Everyone has their flaws, some people are more forgiving if these flaws then others, whether they are a man or a woman. It would be nice if people in general could be more respectful toward each other instead of picking at these

Likewise everyone has expectations and standards that we learn as we are growing throughout life, though its a bit different now that in was in the past thanks to the information age and the changes that has brought with it.

I have learned a few things in my relationships. First you should know what to expect from each other it will save a lot of time and energy down the road and perhaps stop you from wasting your time altogether, so if you are thinking of a relationship talk out what you both want out of it. Try to be considerate toward each other, and if you make mistakes own up to them. Try to show interest in what the other person likes, since they like it they will be happier if you are willing to try to like it as well ( this is where it is helpful to have at least some similar interests) and you yourself will be able to relate to them better. Most important is communication, if you can be honest when its most important then you can understand each other a lot better.

I agree with what you said to some extent , though we are obviously not blameless, but the same is true for women , we all need to try to at least show the amount of respect and consideration we would want ourselves.

[complicated_soul]

I don't like the 50/50 concept. It works for some I guess but for me, you should give your best rather than splitting it in half.
For me that feels like roommates.

If you reply to a text late, that is fine but if you completely ignore it, then I will be a bit upset (not really upset but something close to it). I don't think I will make assumptions though. But I know that some do make bad assumptions. I have seen it. I think they just need to sit down and communicate better and learn a little bit more about things like that.

Nicely written though. Your words sounded calm. 😊

[MikeyTheRebel]

Thank you, I appreciate your opinion :) I agree that both sides should give it 100 percent. I just don't think that one person should ever put in a lot of effort if it isn't being reciprocated.

[Sara413]

When you say you don't believe in 50/50 what exactly do you mean?

[Frost_Byt3]

I agree. It shouldn't be 50/50, it should be 100/100.

[Sara413]

It's ridiculous for anyone of any gender to play dumb games or to expect the other person to put more effort into them than they're willing to return. Totally agree.

I'd say, as annoying as it can be, simply deciding not to put up with that kind of shit is an easy way to weed out the type of women who you obviously don't want to waste your time with.

That said, one of the examples you gave was girls expecting you to ask them out within three weeks of meting if you're interested, and I gotta say, I think anyone (male or female) who'd been asked for their number and then didn't hear from the person for over two weeks, would assume the person lost interest.

[kitty71]

I met a guy4 mos ago we excahnge numbers but since I was no going to wait for him to ask me out I asked him out. Well not necessarily I directly ask him out we kind of talk aboug oing out but we both talked about. At theend we did have our first date like 1 month after we first met we had a good time, but that date and a few texts after along the way did not work out, cause the guy before leaving for a 1 month trip to Europe although I dont have proof I think he met another chick

[kitty71]

or he met another girl while in Europe and he even did not tell me he was going on this trip.

[sdistotallyme]

I blame the media, hollywood and our culture for the piss poor attitudes we see with many women. It's a mix of the old school fantasy's women that they are all entitled to a billionaire prince charming along with the liberal brainwashing that they are all victims. Ironically their inflated expectations just leave them more miserable than ever. Fortunately there are some good women out there "who get it". I do have faith that things will eventually turn around. You only need one good woman to be happy.

[MysteriousChick93]

Yeah not all females are this way. I have asked guys out. Suggested date ideas. Paid for snacks at cinema. Bought gift for my guy. Made him food, opened door. I am a romantic person. I give but not to receive , but it sure is nice when appreciation is shown an it's special 😊 all I expect is courtesy an care. Someone to make effort along with me. Girls have a fear of being ignored when a text is unanswered. We are sensitive. I try not to mislead but did once bringing a guy to tears as I was scared to hurt him.

[Parie101]

I agree with this, but the only thing I would say is that relationships are 100/100, not 50/50. I can say from experience, that women who do what you described above, have no clue what they want, and they're still trying to figure out what you want. You either want to be with someone or not, a woman, or anyone, who is clear about what they want and who they are is more likely to be upfront with you about feelings and/ or situations. Overall, great take. If anything, this is basic human dignity and respect for others, not just something for women, but basically logic everyone should have. Just be upfront about things, it makes life so much easier.

[LightsOff]

How about:
- don't generalize
- don't go out with girls who have a higher standard for other people in comparison to the standard they have for themselves.

Problem solved.

[jormungand]

Why so angry? He clearly said not every girl is like this. And by the way, for example if 80% of the population acts in a certain way, it is normal to generalize as we can not take into account all the exceptions. People always get angry when someone generalizes, even though it sometimes there's nothing wrong with generalizing. Always so update, smh

[LightsOff]

@jormungand I'm not angry? And I honestly think it's a bit silly to basically address all girls during like 90% of the take ("girls", "you", "this is a mytake directed towards females" etc), only to, at the end, say something like "oh but I know not all girls are like this". If he knows all girls are not like this, then why not use "some girls" throughout the take, instead of making it seem like he's addressing all girls? And again, I'm not angry.

[jormungand]

*uptight
and that 'how about' seemed rather pissed, but okay, my bad

[LightsOff]

@jormungand it was a suggestion, seeing as it's pretty easy to avoid dating these types of girls simply by... not dating them...

[kittykatbrat]

I have my own expectations and respect everyone else's also

I AM realistic enough to know that "I" can't tick every box on a persons list myself
but DO come MUCH closer than most :P

Therefore I feel entitled to ask for the same standards :)

[Tarvold]

One thing.

"It's always been the guy's responsibility to initiate and take the relationship forward." isn't quite true.

It's always been the man's responsibility to chase and pursue women, but it's always been the woman's responsibility to convince men that they're worth settling down for. I think you're just forgetting the second part of the equilibrium. When you encounter someone who's not worth sticking around for, just get up and move on to the next person. Problem solved.

[ConfusedShyGirl]

Okay il say how it's like for me. Basically I feel that if I say hi and stuff, guys will think I am easy and won't bother with and all the time it's true because they either ignore my texts, take forever to reply or just never say hi first so that automatically makes me feel like they aren't interested so I leave them be to save myself the embarrassment and hurt. I'm below what guys call the friends zone... I'm in the no zone.. It's just my opinion

[James19]

Sorry to hear

[fashionguy17]

I don't chase women. Unfortunately, whenever I am attracted to a woman and I try to get her attention and text her everyday, they deem that as being "desperate" or "thirsty". So, apparently, chasing women is only something desperate men do, as women typically say.

[Possible_Mate]

i agree with you, i see it with my parents all the time (lol). seeing they way my parents are give me the determination to not end up like them

[kitty71]

So what you are saying that if a guy ask a girl out is not just to be friends but other ulterior motives unlñess they arranged that they ware going to be friends?

[sdistotallyme]

As a 44 year old woman you should know better. Anytime a man asks a woman out of the date there is always an intention to possibly become more than friends. Doesn't mean it has to happen but this so called "ulterior motive" is always there. I can't believe how woman put on this lame, naive asinine notion that when a guy asks a girl on a date (including all the planning and spending money) they are somehow doing it "just to be friends" Sure they may become just friends later but to assume that's the guy's intention from the starts is just ridiculous.

[kitty71]

I mean eventually it will happen sure but on the first dae? alrady sleeping?

[kitty71]

@solisttotalyne. WHat if if was the otehr way around the girl asking the guy out they guy did accept bu the girl motives were not to sleep with him, for her too soon on the first date because they are just gettning to know each other just recently. Eventually it may happenb sure but not on the first date.

[kitty71]

So you practicaly is sayng a man and a woman can't be friends because is not possible if sex is not alwasy involved? I don believe that I believe it can be possible a man and a woman can be fririends with no having to sleep around.

[sdistotallyme]

seriously, how often do women ask men on dates? I would bet my truck that for every 50 times a man asks a woman on date maybe just maybe a woman asks a man on date. You woman prefer to keep the ball in your court.

[kitty71]

I have asked a man on a date and not because of sex

[front2back]

My golden rule is: Don't set expectations for others that you yourself cannot meet.

[TheButterfly]

Why can't we all just appreciate each other x. x