She hid her PoF profile, but still updated it?

[Anonymous]

I have been seeing a girl I met off PoF for a a month now. Curiosity got the best of me (and i have trust issues, dont shoot me) and I decided to see if she was still active on the site

I noticed her profile had no picts up, everything deleted in the "bio" section, but her interests were still there. thats fine and all, but a couple days later i checked again and noticed she updated her "interests" but still has not really touched anything else.

what the heck does that mean? and i know she's hidden because i tried to filter my search to have her show up in the search results, and she never showed up in the search results

Cliffs:
-Girl deletes everything on profile (picts, bio)
-Girl hides profile
-Girl updates "interests" recently

What gives? Please no "oh you're so insecure blabla" i'd just like an answer as to what she could be doing

thinking of cheating on you behind your back

other (post what)

[Ozanne]

Online dating is so insincere. For most people, it's no different than shopping on Ebay. When you are talking to most people on those sites, they are quick to like you and quick to delete you. Online dating is also a bit of a habit and people let curiosity get the better of them and they continue to log in, especially when their email settings keep sending them new matches.

Just the fact she's logging in is not good news. If you're dating, she should DELETE the profile - which is possible to do. She's not, so that to me right there says she's hanging on to the profile for a backup plan. No one ever uses PoF to "find friends" so that's out. Nice that she's deleting things, but that doesn't cut it with me. The profile (and yours) should be gone.

My experience with PoF has always been negative for the very reasons you're going through. I don't know if there are still "roses" you give, but a guy I met suddenly gave a rose (you could give two each month) to some girl - and it wasn't to me. I asked who he felt the need to give a rose to, and he said a girl he works with was on PoF and she was going through a hard time and it was just a gesture of friendship. Oh. Okay. Fine. But later on, like you - I saw updates to his interests. I forgot to mention that after telling me he was done with PoF, I gave him step-by-step instruction on how to delete his profile. He said he'd get to it. Never did. I asked maybe a week or two later, telling him I'd help him along with the deletion, he said he'd do it later. THEN.. that's when the nonsense happened with the rose and updates.

So you see, people lie. They lie in person of course, but online, some people are so ridiculously not-with-it when it comes to computers that they don't think what they're doing can be caught. Watching them talk out of their lie is worse. If they're lying about this, what next? They keep playing on PoF like it's Candy Crush and I don't think you need a chick like that.

[Ozanne]

Oh I forgot to mention that I had deleted my profile, but I was not convinced he gave up his. I created a no-info profile to search for him (because back then you needed to have an account to search) and that's when I found him. He was so stupid, he knew MY profile was gone, and I guess that's when he thought he was free to just play around not considering I could make a phony profile to take a look at his. This was about 2007 so I don't know if settings changed or what since then.

There's more to this story, but this is also when FB was new and I did a search for him there and found a wide-open profile where he was telling his friends that he was gonna "get some" this weekend. On the Sunday after he wrote something like, "Got some and it was goooood." Well, it wasn't with me, and like I said, people are such a joke when it comes to technology not understanding what people might find out if they post things or update things.

[Asker]

did you find him under "search results", or by searching him via "username search"?

[Ozanne]

Username, I believe.

[KattDee]

If seeing her means that you are in an exclusive committed relationship that you both have agreed to and discussed, dump her and move on.
If it means that you having just been going on dates for the last month, then you need to talk about being exclusive, as it sounds like that is what you are looking for. If you have not had that discussion, you have absolutely no reason to be upset or concerned about what she is doing.
Dating means and looks different to everyone. People are on PoF for all sorts of different reasons, from looking for sexual encounters, to casually dating, to seeking a long-term relationship.
It takes me approximately a month or two before I am willing to consider exclusively seeing someone and several months before I will enter a committed relationship.
During the first month, I continue to log in and check my messages and talk to other guys. Chances are they are doing the exact same thing and it takes time for a true and genuine connection to be felt at the initial onset of dating. After a couple weeks if things are going great, I usually opt to hide my profile and focus more on the object of my affections. That way if things start to dwindle or not work out, I am able to unhide my profile and get back into things. If the conversation hasn't come up about being legitimately interested in seriously seeing where things go after 1-2 months and I want things to go in that direction, I will have that conversation and if we both agree, I will delete my account and ask them to do the same.
Even though her profile may be completely bare and unhidden, she can still message guys that she is interested in and attach photos she has saved privately on her account. You would have no way of knowing she is doing this either, so it seems to me you need to be talking to her about what you both want and what you are and aren't comfortable with.
For me a month is WAY too soon for exclusivity or commitment.

[Asker]

Thank you for your answer. I'm just confused why she removed everything AND hid her profile (good, means she's serious) but still adjusted it a bit later (bad)

keep in mind, her profile is still hidden. guys will not see her in search results unless they type in her username. yes she could be messaging other guys, but girls hardly do that. they usually just let guys come to them, on online dating.

anyway opinions?

[KattDee]

Like I said, even if her profile is empty AND hidden, she can still privately send photos and messages to other users without anyone knowing it. All you do is upload you pictures and click private. Then when she sees a guy she is interested in she writes him a message and attaches the private images. A lot of people who don't want to open advertise they are on dating websites do this.