Girls are way too picky?

[The_Empty]

Seriously, I think they're even more picky than guys. With a girl, unless you're some white, blonde, 10/10 pretty boy/supermodel who's extremely popular and charismatic, and basically a machine (c'mon, no one is ultra-confident and always happy every fucking moment of their lives unless they're narcissists or always coked up). Me, I'm considered a 7 in looks, generally, in other words, above average, yet, since I'm not at least a 9.5 the most I can get is usually a phone number, not even a date. I don't even go for bombshell 10s, sure, i don't go for like 1s or 2s, but I'd at least go for a 6 or even a 5. Seriously, and then they don't like guys that aren't pig-headed douchebags, what the hell is up with that? If I like a girl, I'm nice to them because I think they're worthy of my attention, but, girls don't seem to like a guy unless he's indifferent to them or unless they argue all the fucking time (seriously, I've seen friends hook up with guys they literally fight with, because, I don't fucking know). I mean, in nature, I'm not a confrontational guy, I control my anger and emotions pretty well, and, while I'm extremely passionate and wild, I'm not really violent or aggressive. I mean, is it seriously because I'm not naturally aggressive that girls are like this, because that's friggin dumb. This whole dating bullshit has gotten to me to the point that I've begun to fully hate my looks (remember I said I'm considered a 7) to the point that I nearly cried because I couldn't hide my face on the way to the train. I didn't even hate myself prior to my issues with dating. In fact I've had girls introduce me to the boyfriends despite the fact that they seemingly hated him and had nothing in common with them and got along better with me, why is this? So, like I said, are girls in the 15-17 range just extremely fucking shallow (though far as I can tell it's the general under 25 range). Also, don't tell me how fucking great it is that girls like nice guys later on.

Updates

+1 y

There, I fixed it, they're not shallow, they're insanely picky, happy?

[VulcanHades]

Yeah I definitely feel like I'm way more realistic than most women. Personally I would have zero problem dating an average looking woman with an average personality. I know no one is perfect and there a tons of normal looking women I pass by on the street that I would love to date to get to know more.

But hearing women on this site it feels like they need a guy to have perfect facial features, perfect body shape and all the qualities in the world. Even though these women are a 6 or 7 at best lol. They are completely delusional.

I would like to tell you that it gets better with time, that as a woman matures she gets less shallow, less picky and less greedy but it's not really true lol. It has nothing to do with "maturity". Those women will always aim for the sky until they start looking like shit and no one wants to fuck them anymore (around 30-35). Our only consolation is that most of these women will die alone or will get beaten by that "perfect guy" they so desperately wanted above us nice and average looking guys. They want to be treated like crap because they are crap.

But thankfully not all women are like that. Some are down to earth and keep it real. It does feel like they are getting rarer and rarer though.

[The_Empty]

Yeah, it pisses me off how people are like "but nice guys are the real winners, girls mature and end up with them". No, they're the losers, and women don't mature, they just start pushing 40 and realize they want stability/don't want to die alone. So, once their looks have faded, and they already have a kid, they give the nice guy a chance, and, being the dumbass he is, he accepts. I hate it, I don't want to marry my first girlfriend, and I certainly don't want to be 35+ when I meet her.

[Xonen]

Calm down. These are just excuses you've come up with for why you haven't had success with girls. There's about 3.6 billion females on this planet, if you were truly looking hard enough you'd have found one who accepts you for you by now. The fact that you lead your life believing these things to be fact is also holding you back. If you have a look at society, it won't take you very long to realize that woman have it pretty tough too. Beautiful super models and actresses making girls believe that they have to starve themselves to get the attention of men... By comparison us guys have it waay easier.

[The_Empty]

We also get compared to muscular over masculine types as what a man should be, we get what they get too.

[Xonen]

If you actually want to be in a relationship with a girl who chooses partners based on how muscular they are then you've got bigger problems...

[SammiKitten]

I do understand that you are frustrated. Finding someone can be extremely difficult, and especially when it feels like you are hitting a brick wall time-after-time. What I would suggest though, for the time being, is don't let this quest to find someone be all-consuming.

The reason you are getting so annoyed , is that it sounds like you're focusing your entire attention on finding someone. Eventually you'll start to force a relationship, just for the sake of being in one, which always ends badly, even if you don't feel strongly about the girl yourself.

Have you ever thought of an idea of leaving it in the lap of the gods? (not to be taken as a literal deity :P) Work on finding other things in your life that mean something to you. It will improve the way you feel about yourself, taking your mind off finding someone who completes you, and then you can work on completing yourself without using another person as a jigsaw.

I understand that you are currently fed up with the situation, but the rant above doesn't make you sound very attractive, or all that nice. I know, it's the anger, but letting that fester will seep into other parts of your life and become a greater issue on people's perceptions of you.

[The_Empty]

The issue you is, it's too hard getting a girlfriend, and, everyone I know has one, and there's his one girl I really care about that only sees me as a friend, and. With all the shit going on in my life it's driving me insane again. Apparently the only way to get a girl is to be an emotionless, aggressive machine, one that doesn't dispense kindness without a cost and preys on other people's weaknesses, the kind of person who obsessively pursues power, it's just not me, never has been, never will be. I'm freaking out because apparently the only way to get an at least average girl is to become what I hate, and what I don't ever want to be. Just look at this list.

answers.yahoo.com/.../index

[SammiKitten]

My experience is that if somebody see's you as just a friend, there is very little point in trying to change their mind. I'm a romantic though, and the idea of having to win affection from someone without it being a natural progression feels rather cold. You have two options. You can either accept that she doesn't see you as anything more than a friend, and try to maintain a friendship with her. Or, if it is causing you too much grief, for your own welfare, ease back on the amount of times you see her and communicate with her. You need to protect your own heart, you know? And if every time you are around, but cannot have this woman, feels like poison then you need to step back and re-evaluate things.

As for that Yahoo Answers page. I don't deny that there are segmented comments on there that would ring true for me personally, there are also a bunch that I simply don't believe would diminish my attraction and affection for someone.

[The_Empty]

I don't want to go back to being what I was like, though. Before her, I wasn't the best kind of person, one I was completely depressed, but a total dick in an attempt to hide it. I more or less deeply hated the entire world and wanted everyone else to suffer like I did. Since meeting her, I at least managed to become positive again, happy. Honestly, I don't give a shit about most other girls, I'm totally indifferent to the majority of them. I was able to better myself because of her, because she actually cared about me and didn't treat me like shit. Haha, fuck God, what a fucking bastard he is, to create me. I'm an atheist, to be honest, but, if he is real, all I can say is fuck him, sadistic bastard.

[SammiKitten]

I'm going to say something here, but I don't believe it for a second that you are a bad person, or a dick. =) I don't doubt that what you feel for that girl is genuine, and you do believe that it is her alone that has brought you to show a little more positivity in life. I presume you are still in your teenage years?

When we are younger, we are experiencing things for the first time. We tend to be conflicted piles of neuroses, trying to understand ourselves, why we think this, why we are not that. We're also, not always but most of the time, estranged from the responsibilities of true adult life. Therefore, we will focus on issues more prevalently than we would. So, perhaps in your case, it is this need to find salvation and a cure for your emptiness in other people.

It can be this mentality that does outwardly show repugnance to the world in general, apathy, and depression. This can show up in the ways we hold ourselves, posture, facial expression, etc

[SammiKitten]

It could be, due to your depressive tendencies, that these come across physically, and therefore may be factors in why people are not finding you attractive at this present time?

[Bluemax]

"I understand that you are currently fed up with the situation"
"I know, it's the anger"

How is it that so few people can see this? How is it that so many people think that simply calling someone in this situation a self entitled brat is in any way helpful. SammiKitten, it's nice to meet you and if this doesn't get most helpful, well you should know it gets most helpful in my book. I was going to answer but I don't think I have to, although I do have some cautionary words about "leaving it in the lap of the gods." I have a friend with a similar circumstance as the asker, only my friend is twice the age and challenged with FAS. "Leaving it in the lap of the gods" has done little for him, nor has it done much for other friends of mine in similar circumstances because I fear they left it a bit too much in the lap of the gods.

[silvernblackattk]

@sammiekitten If he doesn't try to find a girl he never will. Girls will not just fall into your lap. You have to seek them out.

[SammiKitten]

Hi Bluemax. I hope I help in some small way. :)

I think I'd just like to clarify on my idea of leaving it in the lap of the gods. What I was trying to emphasis, in my own way, was a change of focus and perspective for The_Empty. I acknowledge completely that it is probably even harder in this era to find a person to start a relationship with. People used to be out and about a lot more, but now we're happy enough to stay sedentary and live a lot of our lives through digital media. The internet has definitely changed the way, and amount that people communicate, not all of it for the better.

So I'd like to say that my idea of leaving it down to fate, was merely a way of trying to take the pressure off - a chance for the man in question to focus on other aspects of his life. His psyche at the moment sounds completely filled with the idea of finding a partner. Focusing less on finding somebody, and more on himself may give him more self-worth via self-development. =)

[SammiKitten]

Sure, you can focus your time to seek people out. If you do, and it works for you, then that is fine. What I am suggesting is the chance of meeting people by mutual circumstance. For example, going to dance lessons, because you genuinely want to dance, not as a conduit for meeting people. That's how many of my friends in relationships have met each other. You don't have to choose dancing, you can be interested in anything you like.

Seeking people out to me is usually in the realms of going to social events, and they're usually in the form of clubs, etc. In my experience, I've never met anyone in these particular places. Why? Because I don't have the mentality to enjoy going clubbing, therefore, the chances are I will not meet someone I can connect with there. I'm not in tune with the people, unless I just happen to meet someone who doesn't want to be there to the same level as me. If you meet people in the same forum as yourself, there is a better chance of it being a fit. =)

[The_Empty]

Well, I'm not interested in social crap. I don't care for things like dancing, or music lessons, beyond which, my school already offers music. I enjoyed acting, but I'm not doing it right now. Most of the things that do interest me, I can easily do in solitude, like art and writing.

[The_Empty]

Not to mention, most girls are already taken anyway.

[SammiKitten]

You like doing art? You can possibly go to a life drawing class? Would you like expand on any other facet of art? Pottery? Or anything else where you can learn new skills, related to your interest group, in a social setting. This is all about being open to experience, which, under your current depression, you may not feel like doing. This is why it might be worth seeking the aid of professional help, in order to calm your mind and work through any problems you have? What works for me though, is not what will always work for you. But you need to try things before you can say they have failed you, especially when it comes to trying to gain control of the self and our ever self-deluding minds. Buddhism as worked for me. You might disregard that completely, but it is just one stream in an ocean of plenty.

I feel that if I say more, I'm simply going to be regurgitating the same thing. So I'll let this be my last message. I hope you do take on board some of what I have suggested. =)

[SammiKitten]

Final thought: There are a lot of women in the world, and some of them don't have boyfriends, you know? =) All girls are taken? Or you simply haven't met enough of the ones who aren't taken? It's all perspective, and your current mood is blinding you. This is simply not true. There are a lot of girls who are single, waiting for someone to find them. You will see this when you start to expand your horizons. =) Good luck, honey!

[The_Empty]

Thing is, about 85% or girls do, and that's just high school! it will probably be up to about 95% once I reach college. About art, my school already has an art program. Though, I'm calmer now.

[Slavanna]

I'm talking for myself when I say that I am, in fact, extremely picky. But out of the traits you've mentioned, the only box my boyfriend ticks (one of the two or three people I've found attractive in real life) is being white. Don't take it as racism, 99.99% of my country's population is Caucasian. Now, the guy's a shy dark-haired geek and I fucking love him the way he is. One of the things I like about him the most is that he's not bitter or judgmental and doesn't blame his problems on other people, which is what most "Nice Guys" are guilty of and what turns many girls off. I mean, negative vibes are easy to feel even if you're not aware of that.

[The_Empty]

How so? It's not fair, I don't have a fucking perfect life, and since I'm not on drugs to ignore that, sometimes I'm upset over it. My life is more or less shit, here's always some tragedy in my family, and even though I have many friends my school is full of douchebags. I'm positive most of the time, but, I'm neither stupid or on drugs, given how my life is, I can't be positive all the fucking time.

[Slavanna]

Hey, you think any of us have a perfect life? Everyone has problems. But complaining about them sends you into downward spiral - you get obsessed with your worries, you exaggerate them and become a poisonous person everyone avoids, which confirms your delusional belief that everyone is out to get you. I've been there, I know how it feels, and I can only tell you that you've gotta stop thinking about yourself. That's the only way. Selfishness never made anyone truly happy, and self-pity is the most destructive form of it.

[The_Empty]

I'm almost totally selfless, as I said, my experience with girls is so shitty I considered throwing myself in front of a train going home yesterday, because I couldn't hide my face (I thought I was ugly and dint want to be seen, as I mentioned, I'm pretty much a 7 in looks).

[Slavanna]

Man, I know the feeling. I also thought I was being a fucking Eponine pining for a guy for two fucking years, doing whatever he asked of me, until I realised that it was not for anyone else - it was all for my poor, inflated ego. And I spent hours and days and weeks pitying myself and wondering why he didn't choose someone this amazing as his girlfriend. Welp, I'm over it now, and I can see myself for what I was back then - an insecure entitled little brat who threatened suicide almost on daily basis just for attention (if not in real life, then online). It's an excruciating epiphany to have, but it's well worth it. You feel free afterwards.

[The_Empty]

Except I don't do that, I mention I've considered it in the past, but have never threatened anybody with suicide. Whenever my parents found out I was planning on doing it, it was pretty much accidental.

[Slavanna]

I might've just been a more extreme cases. Now anyway, stop asking questions about yourself, stop rating yourself and for the love of all things holy, make some platonic friendships that'll take up the time you spend on GAG. They keep a human being sane, and that's like a prerequisite for successful dating.

[The_Empty]

I don't rate myself, and, I do have friends, except half of them do nothing but play video games and act like 7 year olds (my best friends) and the other half don't actually care about me, and a re more friends with each other.

[Slavanna]

Then get off this bloody site and go talk to them. You guys have Facebook accounts, right? Or hell, play some games with them. High school's the best time to act like a kid.

[The_Empty]

See, read the best answer in this and you'll understand my issues with girls and dating.

answers.yahoo.com/.../index

[Slavanna]

These are... well, kinda extreme, but point you in the right direction for the most part. Be yourself, don't be clingy, give her space and don't be her sugar daddy (which is given since you're still in high school). The banging like a p*rn star part is kind of a stretch, not all women like that. You may cry, but not all the time, it's not her job to be your psychiatrist (then again, it's not your duty towards her, either). You may get emotional, but again, the girl's your partner, not a therapist. Apart from these three, well, I don't see a problem with this list.

[The_Empty]

Because they call for me to be emotionless and dispassionate and aggressive, that's something I simply cannot do, they're not in my nature, and I hate myself when I get like that.

[Slavanna]

It's not being dispassionate. Hell, do you think that calling a girl when she's busy, having an eye on her every waking moment and making her feel sorry for you is passionate? I don't. Most of these points are precisely what I was talking about earlier - being selfless. She can't talk? Better not disturb her. She can't handle your emotional problems just yet? Try to deal with them on your own, and don't ask more of her than she can bear. Adhering to these rules is a mark of a mature human being.

[The_Empty]

Because every where I go the guy has all the responsibilities, he can't ever be upset, not fucking ever, and people wonder why most rampage maniacs are male... and I hate that fucking term "move on" I'm glad the bastard that coined it is likely rotting in a tomb by now. Not everyone can move on, NOT EVERYONE CAN! I'm just lucky, apparently scientists have found a way to wipe memories, so, I just get them wiped away and can always be happy. Honestly, I'd rather get a lobotomy Han have most of my memories intact,

[Slavanna]

Goddammit, what a drag. You sound like you're a gay Jewish survivor of a concentration camp. In Iran. With a whole family killed off. In sizzling ruins of your house. Sodomised for an hour with a sharpened... ok, you get the idea. Point is, stop it. Look, I've just spent an hour trying to HELP you, you've spent that hour wallowing in self-pity. I'm actually trying to get somewhere with you, and you're completely ignoring what I'm saying.

[The_Empty]

How so? I can't just ignore the fact that my life is fucked, and that have the good things that happen to me turn out to be just ways to invoke cruel irony very quickly.

[Slavanna]

Tell me about it. No, seriously, tell me. Apart from not being able to get girls, what's bugging you so much?

[The_Empty]

Let's see, shall we, family tragedies, feuds, school work, accepting I can't get into the colleges I want, accepting I'll probably fail my dreams in life, accepting the one thing I derived joy for last year existed purely so I'd have the knowledge that I couldn't do it this year, self-hatred, OCD, issues with my peers, and accepting the fact that my best friend is too immature to stand being around (he acts like a little kid).

[Slavanna]

Let's see... family tragedies? That's pretty broad. Feuds? Everyone has them. School work, are you serious? Man, I'm in the final year of the IB and I don't complain about that shit. Most of my preferred universities have already denied me an offer. Some joys are just there for a moment, that's why you can't waste time moping around. Self-hatred? I don't know a single teen who hasn't gone through that. OCD? You got tested? If not, chances are you don't have it. Issues with peers? EVERYONE has them. You can't stand your best friend? Well it's your problem, not his, and you seem like a judgmental asshole for calling your supposedly BEST FRIEND that.

Sorry, you just have to see it through for yourself. I'm out. You got your dose of tough love anyway.

[The_Empty]

Honestly, because he acts like that, I'm sorry, it's just a fact. OCD, I have an OCD-spectrum disorder, so, yes, I do in fact have it. Tragedies meaning recent deaths and some relatives are very very ill. Also, tough love rarely works, in my experience it only ever pushes people further towards the edge.

[The_Empty]

Thing is, about 85% or girls do, and that's just high school! it will probably be up to about 95% once I reach college. About art, my school already has an art program.

[swimmersam]

Maybe its because you're kind of the picky one. Have you ever tried asking a girl out, or asked for their number. Because every girl I know would love if some guy asked for their number. Get to know a girl a little before bringing up a date. Don't just go up to some random person and ask them out! Relationships take time, and they won't just happen out of the blue.

[The_Empty]

Yeah, they don't, but, considering actually knowing the person, having a history with them, and getting along with them means jack shit...

[Kinstrome]

Unless you're living in a very unusual place, girls generally go for guys with these kinds of traits:

www.nicknotas.com/.../

Of course, nobody is all in one category or the other, but guys are more or less attractive to girls to the degree that they resemble one category or the other.

The big problem right now is that you have low self-esteem. You're not unattractive, but you feel ultra-self-conscious sometimes about your appearance. You're generalizing girls based on a few instances and temporary frustration. You're on the defensive the whole question.

Low self-esteem sucks, and it's a real problem no matter what anyone says, and it shouldn't be made fun of. But it's something you can overcome, and it's something that's going to be an obstruction to a relationship until it's fixed, even if you do actually get a date. There are a lot of ways to fix it, and some of them depend on your life situation. If you don't have a hobby or something you can talk about with a girl, find one. Find an avocation. Exercise regularly.

[The_Empty]

Thanks, a lot of people here just outright insult you instead of actually trying to give advice.

[Kinstrome]

No problem. Building self-esteem isn't an overnight thing, but anybody can build it and you'll start to feel better about yourself in relationships.

Trust me :D I've been pretty low myself

[evo220]

They're really not dude. All you gotta do is figure out what kinda girl you want and go to the places girls like her go. Extra points if people at those places know you (You're a regular). Strike up friendly conversations with girls you're interested in and see where they go.

[The_Empty]

They go no where because I'm not white or a 10/10. And I'm not rich either, nor am I a narcissist.

[Prettykangaroos]

Wtf? Being white has nothing to do with anything...

[The_Empty]

It does if most of the girls where you live and at your school are also white.

[evo220]

yup, because girls love being boring and doing the same thing every time. girls hate variety right?

NO! being different is the best thing you can have going for you, just get past your bullsh*t and gain some confidence and you'll be a frikin black/brown/yellow/green/red p*ssy magnet!!

[Izzy2102]

First of all learn to split your question into paragraphs

Second of all none of what you said is true for most girls and you know it. Have you ever even asked someone out?
I mean if you're aiming for 15 - 17, I don't know what those girls are into these days

[The_Empty]

Brainless fools that make it obvious hey don't care about them.

[nicko2552]

they are man i grew up being told by society that men are shallow and that we only care about looks and then i started seeing how the world works and that women are even pickier they just don't scrutinize guys out loud like us guys do with girls a perfect example of how picky women can be is a show called dating in the dark look it up on YouTube you'll be surprised how many average looking girls blow off handsome looking man for reasons like "he's too young"

[Anonymous]

From a biological standpoint, women control the sex. They control who gets it, when it happens, and how it happens. To an extent. This is ruling out rapes and the like.

So... yeah, women are picky. And they can be picky. Every female of every species is picky about what male she mates with.

This doesn't change just because the species is human.

[Anonymous]

Generally, yes they are. Even if you are what they consider one of those amazing guys and they are head over heels into you, they can turn on a dime over something stupid and try to destroy you the next minute. Then a few months down the road stalk you like they always loved you and can't live without you.

[sammy_31]

Yes I am picky but because I want a guy to be physically attractive only his character and personality must be 100x more attractive to me. I'm not going to settle for less then what I know I can get he is out there just don't know where.

[The_Empty]

Girls look for something that does not exist, perfection, and then they get upset when they end up alone.

[sammy_31]

Wow someone has no chill! lol

[pr3ttybr0wn]

you say you aren't white? well this is probably the biggest thing depending on where you live. it might be a huge controversy to date out in some areas

[aoifeislovable]

Girls want what they can't have and when their younger they like bad boys and stuff... I guess that's why?

[The_Empty]

Well, why is that, why do girls have this sadomasochistic obsession with assholes?

[aoifeislovable]

I don't know I've never dated or been attracted to a guy that's an asshole to me... I've hung around with bad boys but they're always nice to me so it's different

[The_Empty]

Haha, fuck it, whatever.

[523206720]

You shouldn't be dating teenagers when your an adult. You deserve what you get.

[nicko2552]

right since only teens are picky

[The_Empty]

I'm 17.

[Char_kitty]

maybe if you'd stop categorizing people into numbers?💁

[The_Empty]

Yeah, because I randomly decided to be pissed off, there's no reason at all why I'd be upset, right, none at all.

[Char_kitty]

doesn't mean you start referring to girls as numbers! in fact with you doing that you're just being way too picky yourself. Have some respect for girls please. You might have met some shitty people in your life but doesn't mean the whole population of girls are the same. Having an attitude like that no way would you find a nice girl.

[_IMAGIRLSOYEAH_]

I don't get what your asking could you maybe please give more examples?

[The_Empty]

Girls are extremely picky, want some examples I deal with day to day? Won't date a guy unless HS white, won't date a guy unless he's ultra-confident (read narcissistic), enjoy making guys with depression feel shittier, won't date a guy they've known longer than a week, won't date a guy unless he's popular, won't date guy unless he's aggressive, won't date a guy unless he's a 9.5/10, and usually, it's all of these combined.

[_IMAGIRLSOYEAH_]

Wow! ok sorry for asking, because it resumes that now you are even angrier i shouldn't have asked... sorry :(

[silvernblackattk]

@asker i agree with you 100 % unless we are all of the things you mentioned we dont stand a chance. We can't win

[Anonymous]

So all whites hate black people
all girls are picky

sounds like you need yourself some BBC buddy

[The_Empty]

Im already black and I'm a dude.

[Opinion Owner]

Clearly that joke went way over your head
ok lets break it down
all white people hate black's..-so you date black
all girls are picky..-so you date a guy

now if we put them together, we have.. you should date a black guy :) and the BBC bit was me being nice

[Xonen]

Lol, have some internet points anon

[wolflover17]

mate be thankful you have 7 for looks some of us dont even have that

[bubble_tea]

Well, SOMEONE in the equation has to be picky to avoid overpopulation.

[nicko2552]

that's why there's condoms now

[bubble_tea]

@nicko2552 it seems many guys on here try to not to use them at all.

[TheYellowBear]

Is it a case of girls being too picky or guys having a self-entitlement problems?

[Anonymous]

Another question about the same thing? You're the picky one, here. Enough said.

[The_Empty]

Someone said girls aren't shallow, they're picky, so I fixed the question, and they're all extremely picky.

[Anonymous]

face it dude you're not good looking enough or your personality isn't good enough for hot chicks so you'll have to settle for fat girls.

[The_Empty]

Haha, I'd rather be alone then.

[Bluemax]

Or he could try to improve his appearance and personality.

[Megalodon]

Fat chicks are like mopeds, they are fun to ride but embarrassing when you get caught riding one.

[nicko2552]

way to jump the shark either hot girls or fat girls nothing in between

[Anonymous]

luckily i am all those things

[The_Empty]

An annoying, arrogant prick? Kudos

[Opinion Owner]

yeah

[sexysexsexyyyy]

I agree, that's why I gave up