Why are girls so selective in dating?

I see most the girls I have met, they want guy to please them and chase them at least for first few dates. Why are girls so selective at this stage? Why dont they date more guys, like most guys do at once?

1) Is it because girls tend to get attached more to partner faster, so they know if they go out on 3-4 dates, they get attached

2) Or its just the type of girls I am meeting?


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What Girls Said 58

  • I mean if you're looking for a SERIOUS relationship both genders should be selective. No one wants their time to be wasted, so why beat around the bush with what you want/what you expect?

    Mind you, that doesn't mean you oughta play games but be honest about what you're looking for.

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  • We are selective in dating because it’s not easy finding a genuine guy with good intentions at heart & a good amount of guys are total jerks. Also it depends on the girl, personally for me I am a deep person and I look for more in relationships I need to feel something.. the passion, fire, everything.

    Both girls and guys should be selective to be honest though.

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    • Couldn't have said it better myself. Totally agree!

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    • @Cvmcgaha Hey, I thought was was a wonderful bit of encouragement... thank you! 😁

    • @intoxicatingen6 somebody may stay with you for some time but if they dont want to continue the relationship its not their fault

  • I can't speak for other chicks but I'm a highly monogamous person. Once I'm interested in someone (which is kind of rare) I focus my attention on them. I also don't have the attention span to date multiple people.

    Also I'm selective to a degree because I'm not just looking for someone to have fun with. I'm looking for someone to possibly be with indefinitely. That person doesn't have to be 'perfect' (I know I'm not) and I know how to not sweat the small stuff and compromise (which is a two way street. And what I expect from a partner isn't anything I don't do myself) but if something feels off within the first few dates then why would I want to prolong something that I know will be short lived?

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  • Women usually have "more to lose" in a dating relationship, or at least perceive it that way. Women are GENERALLY more interested in something long-term, and ultimately more likely to worry about traits related to being a good partner and parent should things move in that direction. This doesn't mean she wants to have your babies on the second date, or that she even necessarily wants kids. It's just an evolutionary thing. Women also, unfortunately, have to be careful to avoid violent and abusive men.
    Of course there are exceptions to every rule, I'm not one to believe evolutionary psychology determines everything. Those are just some reasons why this might seem to be the case.

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    • As a guy I know on an intellectual level that a woman with more to offer than looks is better but when I see a great looking woman I have a powerful urge to toss all that out the window and just act like an idiot.

    • *I think it’s a blessing if you can stop yourself from being an ‘idiot’ easily.

  • I get that you probably have low self-esteem or whatever (certainly you have low expectations of your partners) but there’s no reason that women (or anyone, really) ought to be the same. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, one must be selective. This is a situation where compatibility does in fact matter, and matters quite a lot. A woman does not need to settle for any person who gives her an iota of attention, and really, she ought not as that is not how a successful relationship is built.

    To your other points, I believe that some smallish studies have shown men grow attached more quickly than women.

    Also, the point about how women ought to date more people at once - how do you know that they aren’t doing so? It’s very common for everyone in this day and age to date multiple people at once, at least until exclusivity has been established with one or more parties.

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  • Isn’t everyone selective in dating? Unless you’re just a serial dater, people like to make connections for a quality lasting relationship. Yes, we want a guy to please us as we want to please the guy we like. As for “chasing” its one way to know we aren’t wasting our time on someone we are attracted to.

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  • Date more than one person at a time? most people in life that want a serious and meaningful relationship aren't looking for the same experience as the reality tv show of The Bachelor or Bachelorette. Dating more than one person at a time loses one's focus on truly getting to know one adequate person. I honestly wouldn't like to know that I'm currently in selection of "am I girlfriend material" in a handful of other "candidates" as I'm dating a guy.

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    • It's not easy dating more than one person at a time. Someone always trumps another. This is not like shopping for a used car even though it sometimes feels like it.

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    • Except maybe PE class.

    • That's in high school and post secondary when everyone has raging sex hormones... but I was always one to steer away from those crowds.

  • I think it has to do with some very old breeding instincts. Think about it; animals like bears have a pretty interesting way of courting in that the female is pretty selective and the male has to wow her in some way before she'll mate with him, but the male bear will attempt to mate with just about any female bear and will try courting many throughout his lifetime. Her biological goal is to mate with a male that will give her desirable offspring, and his biological goal is to mate with as many females as possible, so he isn't very selective at all. I think humans work much the same way at a pretty subconscious level.

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    • So you're saying Guys don't care for desirable offspring as long as they get to produce offsprings.

    • @WhiteHelmet99 I'm saying animals do. Human men are a little different, but there are similarities between the two groups here as far mating goes. You're missing the point.

  • I don't settle for less then what I want. I guess that makes me selective. I just don't date someone unless he's exaclty what I seek for in a partner. I wouldn't want to waste time dating someone if I know I wouldn't want to stay with them in the long run. - They also deserve to find someone who really wants to be witg them. I'd rather be alone then being one of these women who are 30 and divorced/unhappily married. Generally, I obviously like being in love, but I don't need a relationship to make me complete.

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  • Hype.
    All the girls i know are pretty easy. They have low self confidence and will date anyone who makes them feel beautiful. While i myself, am pretty picky. Tbh i have an idea why i am so picky but i dont want all og GaG to know. Depending on the guy i can qttach quite quickly.

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    • Women want to be desired more than they desire

    • You do realise that some women just date certain men for fun and for the experience... They're not actually serious about that man.

    • And a main factor in those relationships is still her feeling desired

  • I say it’s biological. Somewhere in our minds we still long for a partner with specific traits beneficial to us. Traits such as loving, not agressive but strong, et cetera.

    Then there’s the social aspect. Nowadays we obviously want men that meet higher standards than years ago. Men need to be funny, because what is a relationship without laughs? They need to think at least somewhat similar on topics important to us. To me that would be lgbqta+, politics..

    So yeah, females place a lot of standards on men. Males do it on women too, but most men think those standards are more acceptable. From what i’ve seen, often men have physical standards while women tend to go more for the mental standards.

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  • Personally (and I emphasize this word bc I am surrounded by girls who love dating and experimenting with guys) I would rather get to know a guy before agreeing to date him. I don't want to waste time and energy on someone I'll end up forgetting in the next five years. This is coming from someone who's only dated two guys, both were serious relationships, and I'm soon to marry the second guy :)

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  • Because there's a lot of boys who just want to fuck around and waste your time.

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  • Selective? Have you seen the amount of single mothers, breakups and drama that goes around in society? you probably live on another planet.

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  • I don't know we want to know guys are into us too, so the more effort you show the more we know y'all like us. And almost every woman I know like what they like its just how we are. When we date we date fr and want to be sure the person we're dating is a good fit and not waste our time

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  • I’m selective I’m cautious to who I date man or woman to see what there intentions are.

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  • Depends on the woman really. Women seem to go through a checklist of things th perceive as an ideal match for them.

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  • Girls/women its all the same, it is about the game. How much can we get a man to do? Women are emotional creatures, we want a man to show interest. Bottom line, it might be somewhat the type you are looking for, but at the end of the day, what woman in her right mind doesn't want to be chased and longed for? Keep up the fishing, you will reel one in eventually! Best of Luck

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  • Because finding a partner in life is a really big deal and impacts the rest of your life? Whats difficult to understand?

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  • Even guys are like this.

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  • Cause girls want to know, how much and how serious guy want them..

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  • I have a life. I have things to do. I don't have time to waste of just anyone. So no. Sorry. I'm nkt going to spend my time on someone just because they want me to. It doesn't work that way.

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  • I am really picky too. Cause i dont have much time to waste with someone unders my standarts

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  • To weed out the ones that dont actually care about them.

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  • Take it as a compliment. If a woman makes you jump through hoops, then she sees you as a serious, long term prospect.

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  • People should always be selective.

    If not? Then why do we even date? I’d date because I like the person and I have feelings for the person.

    I’m selective or else I’m not at all. I don’t belong in the middle when it comes to relationships. For me it’s just two sides.

    I just don’t see the point with dating and relationships when you get heart broken and control your significant other and are with them all the time.

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  • i have dated a good amount of guys and a lot of guys just want sex. it's hard to find ones who want a relationship AND are your type.

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  • For me I’m selective because I want someone that would make a good husband. I don’t want to argue all the time, I want someone that will listen, someone who would make a great father, someone who will be with me even if things get hard, someone who can handle his business.

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  • And men aren’t?

    Ask a question on here as a female. See the answers you get.

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    • Women are more selective than men.

    • Biologically they are supposed to be. Men are to “spread their seed” women are to have the best child possible.

      Both genders are selective for different reasons.

  • Because dating is pretty serious. It either ends in breakup or marriage.

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What Guys Said 58

  • Some women like to focus on one person at a time. Some men do that too. Maybe they don't have as many prospects?

    A lot of people are introverted too and tend to get highly drained in social situations, so rather than having the full dating life that takes up their entire week, they would rather focus on one or two potential partners and leave the rest of their week open to recharge.

    Everyone is different. Some are like social butterflies that meet people through a large social circle and numerous clubs and communities. These people may have a very full dating life, but they can never truly focus on any one person, or even themselves, because of how spread thin they are. Some are very intimate with their relationships, prefer a handful of close friends and acquaintances and take a very long time to get to know others.

    Both ways are fine. Obviously, the outgoing social dancer or club goer is going to pick up women and men more frequently. I have a buddy of mine who is an ENTP, and women melt over him. An expert salsa dancer too. New women almost every single night he goes out. Sex parties. Dude has women sometimes cooking half-naked in his kitchen the morning after. He is my age and he doesn't want to settle down (ever). That is his choice and apparently, there are plenty of women who are down for what he has to offer them. He goes on dates too, but he could never be monogamous. He has far too many options and really knows how to separate the emotion from the sex.

    Me? I an INFP-T (that switches to INFJ sometimes). I want to get into salsa, meet women just to make them feel good around me and have a fun time. No pressure. What happens happens. That is kind of the attitude my buddy has, BUT, the clubs overstimulate me. I get drained.
    So I do far better in more intimate settings like small groups and dive bars, where the music isn't too loud, where I can get to know someone better than just relying on the physical expression (dance).

    I feel like women are the same way. Some prefer getting to know men one-on-one, aren't thirsty for dick or interested in going home with a complete stranger or even a club regular without some more meaningful connection, the potential for commitment or even require commitment first. These I feel are the types of women who are more selective, only date one-on-one, looking for that deep connection, and that takes time, focus, and attention.

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  • Ok, girls being selective over personality or character is absolutely normal, we do the same as men. Now, some girls are more selective regarding appearance, and that's in fact our fault, as men. You see, dating is like politics, when there is a power vacuum someone steps in to fill the gap. The Greeks had once an empire but when it collapsed (power vacuum) the Romans came in to occupy the space. Dating is the same, men nowadays are less demanding as far as appearance goes so the "power vacuum" is occupied by women aka some of them have become more shallow and demanding in looks department just because they can afford to. It's simple logic.

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  • Dude! You are asking a golden question. I admit I still don't know but I like to think about it like this:
    A woman only produces about 400 eggs her entire life. And falling pregnant takes her off the market to about 95% of men.
    A man can impregnate thousands of eggs throughout his lifetime.
    So there is little consequence for a bad decision from a guy compared to a bad decision made by a girl. Women are fully justified in being selective.
    BUT! You as a man ultimately have the power of deciding whether the woman share the same core values as you. If she chose you because she values your money... Don't indulge that behavior, find a more level headed and grounded woman. There really are a lot of woman in the world to take your time finding the one that is perfect for you.

    Thats another reason women are picky... Men have all the time in the world to choose. We gain value in relationships as we get older and more matured. A woman is on a deadline, after a certain age, many of the things she may have wanted in life start to become nearly impossible to find.

    Think about that kind of pressure whenever the opposite sex says hello to you!

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  • Maybe it’s like a instinctual thing. she's putting you to the test, and seeing if you are a good match or not. Girls have to be that way or they could easily get hurt by the wrong guy.

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  • well, ask yourself what the benefit of dating someone is. For a guy it's obvious: sex. But what do girls get out of it? Sure, sex too, but girls don't hold sex in nearly as high of a regard as guys do.

    So, what else is there? Pretty much nothing except romance, which is what the process of being selective kind-of is.

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  • Biologically speaking the investment of childbirth is pretty devastating to her body and mind. For every child she has, is potentially one less level of attractiveness that she can attract in a partner. I. e. if she has 3 kids, she will never attract anything above a 6-7 ever again. Because of OUR biology. Men are just naturally repulsed by women with other mens kids. (Less civilized animals outright eat the kids). And of course attractiveness doesn't just mean physically, it's his potential to garner resources, his ability to protect them etc. Not to mention she has a time limit, to find this bloke, date him, bang him, marry him, get knocked up all while still fulfilling her 'career aspirations' (snicker) before 40.

    I mean look at YOUR preferences. Would you date a single mom of three? She's 22 but looks 32. (another caveat in biology, once a woman has given birth the body no longer tries to maintain its youth and beauty. Things start to sag, she loses her youthful, glow, even her voice gets deeper. "We no longer have to attract a mate why why dumb these resources into youth, we've gotta store fat, and start the arduous task of raising the children." ) She's simply playing by the rules as it were.

    I get what you're saying though, The old good guy bad boy dichotomy wherein you, the good guy genuinely want to protect her and treat her with respect blah blah blah, (gag) meanwhile:

    68.media.tumblr.com/.../...q94zNb1w3cefpo1_500.jpg
    THIS MOFO has like 17 girls snapping his ass daily.

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    • Chasing a woman is merely her shit testing you, in an effort to gauge your worth. Men worth a damn don't chase women. They certainly give off an aura of power and influence when approaching a woman, but chasing her? Not a chance. Get ripped, get money, get popular, get influence in your community. Women will come to you. For you to chase her means you are either lesser than her or equal to her. Women NEVER want a man on her level or lesser. You are guaranteed to get cheated on. Matter of fact, outright ignore women for a couple months and work on yourself, see the difference. Hope this helps.

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    • Are you freaking serious? Not all women look bad after having children. Something's wrong with you. You're the reason women hate men. Please send a pic of yourself... let's see how attractive you are and how much money you make. Disgusting.

    • @mmlover 100% serious. You should hear how we talk when women aren't privy. Then again I know similar discussions happen amongst women too... usually with more graphic detail. #Equality

  • Sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive. They need to be picky.

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  • Well, I'm glad at least women are.

    If women acted like men, humanity would have bred themselves into sewer-people.

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  • drop them and watch them staybon ur dick, any girl who plays games is not worth it to me

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  • Well they have to be sure you are worth it (worth their time), which takes some time to determine and also, let us notice for a moment that girls get way lot of proposals and attention and everyone will ofcourse want to come across as nice so as to get her... How is she to decide quickly?

    Plus, I think everyone is choosy... Like, you too would chose certain kind of girls (appearance, the way they carry themselves etc.) over the others.

    So it is just a matter of what works out best for them :)

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  • There is a biological explanation for all of that. It's mirrored in the amount of gametes we contribute when trying to make a baby: For men, it's millions of sperm a pop, and for women it's (usually) only a single egg a month. Of course women would be more selective.

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  • The risk of time wasted with the wrong person. Now extend that out further to child bearing and you'll understand why they're also more choosy with sex partners. If every time it's a risk of getting pregnant for 9 months, then you'd want to be a bit more selective as well.

    They want to know you're the shit before your penis goes in.

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  • Basically because they can be. Women know that no matter how bitchy they are to a guy, another one will come around soon enough. So they have no incentive to try and make it work with a guy who isn’t exactly what they are looking for.

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  • If you think women are selective, then your standards are higher than you need.

    Lower your standards (your own selectivity) and you'll find all kinds of sluts and whores.

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  • because they can be, if you were in their shoes wouldn't you exploit the opportunities, lets be real. supply and demand

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  • Young women (at their sexual peak) are attracted to tall, good looking, successful, confident Alpha types. These tend to be players, because... why not right? You dont have to work hard to get laid. Meals, drinks, gifts etc. Give her a good time, she'll give you a good time. But that's it though. It's all superficial.

    When women get around their mid 30's - 40 they dont want a Player, but many still expect to be treated as they were in their teens and 20's even though they're "hitting the wall". But by then most men are much wiser when it comes to how they use their time and resources.
    Why would I buy a high mileage family hatchback, that's had a few owners, wheel trims hanging off, dented panels, faded paint, couple of child seats in the back - when for the same amount of money, I can get something younger and sporty... more bang for the buck.

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    • That's a sick way of looking at women. Ewwwww

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    • So women are basically useless once they reach a certain age or have children? That's just wrong. So your mother is just an ugly person who doesn't deserve to be with a man?

    • Do you even know what your own Sexual Market Value is? I didn't make this up. Check it out and share your opinion

  • Because they have to raise your kids and it helps if the man that impregnates them can or even will do that.

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  • Its just like when you go to a shop for anything. You look for the object you can use the most you can.

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  • Because they're unsure. Remember, biologically, women are heavily invested in reproduction. So they want to ensure the best possible genes for their offspring, and the most nurturing mate to help raise them.

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  • because females are the ones who give birth to children so they want to have a good descendants by means of a qualified guy.
    (honestly that's not my original thought. someone has talked about this to me before and i've found it logical.)

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  • They have more to loose. Pregnancy, social criteria to be label as a "lady" and not a "whore", emotionally they easily attached so they are more careful. In my humble opinion I think that's why they are very selective.

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  • Smart woman are selective. Stupid and desperate woman settle for anything that gives them attention.

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  • why shouldn't they be?

    when they are in search of a 'life- partner' , they must be selectively selectively​selective, but should not put forward extremely high demands.

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  • Because they can be

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  • Because you are still trying to 'date' them. The concept is archaic, girls fuck bad boys and long term date or marry a Chuck. They will give all sorts of non sense, high standards bullshit.
    Wham bam, thank you mam.

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  • Because they assume that dating is like going to the supermarket, and buy something.

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  • Because they're shallow

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  • i disagree with the premise. women are not selective about dating just some are selective about sex

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  • Girls are selective in dating because too many men try too hard, too frequently.

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  • Oh... And most guys aren't? Please!

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