Why are girls so selective in dating?

[freakyzeaky]

Some women like to focus on one person at a time. Some men do that too. Maybe they don't have as many prospects?

A lot of people are introverted too and tend to get highly drained in social situations, so rather than having the full dating life that takes up their entire week, they would rather focus on one or two potential partners and leave the rest of their week open to recharge.

Everyone is different. Some are like social butterflies that meet people through a large social circle and numerous clubs and communities. These people may have a very full dating life, but they can never truly focus on any one person, or even themselves, because of how spread thin they are. Some are very intimate with their relationships, prefer a handful of close friends and acquaintances and take a very long time to get to know others.

Both ways are fine. Obviously, the outgoing social dancer or club goer is going to pick up women and men more frequently. I have a buddy of mine who is an ENTP, and women melt over him. An expert salsa dancer too. New women almost every single night he goes out. Sex parties. Dude has women sometimes cooking half-naked in his kitchen the morning after. He is my age and he doesn't want to settle down (ever). That is his choice and apparently, there are plenty of women who are down for what he has to offer them. He goes on dates too, but he could never be monogamous. He has far too many options and really knows how to separate the emotion from the sex.

Me? I an INFP-T (that switches to INFJ sometimes). I want to get into salsa, meet women just to make them feel good around me and have a fun time. No pressure. What happens happens. That is kind of the attitude my buddy has, BUT, the clubs overstimulate me. I get drained.
So I do far better in more intimate settings like small groups and dive bars, where the music isn't too loud, where I can get to know someone better than just relying on the physical expression (dance).

I feel like women are the same way. Some prefer getting to know men one-on-one, aren't thirsty for dick or interested in going home with a complete stranger or even a club regular without some more meaningful connection, the potential for commitment or even require commitment first. These I feel are the types of women who are more selective, only date one-on-one, looking for that deep connection, and that takes time, focus, and attention.

[Odysseas]

Ok, girls being selective over personality or character is absolutely normal, we do the same as men. Now, some girls are more selective regarding appearance, and that's in fact our fault, as men. You see, dating is like politics, when there is a power vacuum someone steps in to fill the gap. The Greeks had once an empire but when it collapsed (power vacuum) the Romans came in to occupy the space. Dating is the same, men nowadays are less demanding as far as appearance goes so the "power vacuum" is occupied by women aka some of them have become more shallow and demanding in looks department just because they can afford to. It's simple logic.

[Nyx_85]

I can't speak for other chicks but I'm a highly monogamous person. Once I'm interested in someone (which is kind of rare) I focus my attention on them. I also don't have the attention span to date multiple people.

Also I'm selective to a degree because I'm not just looking for someone to have fun with. I'm looking for someone to possibly be with indefinitely. That person doesn't have to be 'perfect' (I know I'm not) and I know how to not sweat the small stuff and compromise (which is a two way street. And what I expect from a partner isn't anything I don't do myself) but if something feels off within the first few dates then why would I want to prolong something that I know will be short lived?

[fabulouspancakes]

Women usually have "more to lose" in a dating relationship, or at least perceive it that way. Women are GENERALLY more interested in something long-term, and ultimately more likely to worry about traits related to being a good partner and parent should things move in that direction. This doesn't mean she wants to have your babies on the second date, or that she even necessarily wants kids. It's just an evolutionary thing. Women also, unfortunately, have to be careful to avoid violent and abusive men.
Of course there are exceptions to every rule, I'm not one to believe evolutionary psychology determines everything. Those are just some reasons why this might seem to be the case.

[RJGraveyTrain]

I mean if you're looking for a SERIOUS relationship both genders should be selective. No one wants their time to be wasted, so why beat around the bush with what you want/what you expect?

Mind you, that doesn't mean you oughta play games but be honest about what you're looking for.

[sHiNii]

Dude! You are asking a golden question. I admit I still don't know but I like to think about it like this:
A woman only produces about 400 eggs her entire life. And falling pregnant takes her off the market to about 95% of men.
A man can impregnate thousands of eggs throughout his lifetime.
So there is little consequence for a bad decision from a guy compared to a bad decision made by a girl. Women are fully justified in being selective.
BUT! You as a man ultimately have the power of deciding whether the woman share the same core values as you. If she chose you because she values your money... Don't indulge that behavior, find a more level headed and grounded woman. There really are a lot of woman in the world to take your time finding the one that is perfect for you.

Thats another reason women are picky... Men have all the time in the world to choose. We gain value in relationships as we get older and more matured. A woman is on a deadline, after a certain age, many of the things she may have wanted in life start to become nearly impossible to find.

Think about that kind of pressure whenever the opposite sex says hello to you!

[demonics]

Biologically speaking the investment of childbirth is pretty devastating to her body and mind. For every child she has, is potentially one less level of attractiveness that she can attract in a partner. I. e. if she has 3 kids, she will never attract anything above a 6-7 ever again. Because of OUR biology. Men are just naturally repulsed by women with other mens kids. (Less civilized animals outright eat the kids). And of course attractiveness doesn't just mean physically, it's his potential to garner resources, his ability to protect them etc. Not to mention she has a time limit, to find this bloke, date him, bang him, marry him, get knocked up all while still fulfilling her 'career aspirations' (snicker) before 40.

I mean look at YOUR preferences. Would you date a single mom of three? She's 22 but looks 32. (another caveat in biology, once a woman has given birth the body no longer tries to maintain its youth and beauty. Things start to sag, she loses her youthful, glow, even her voice gets deeper. "We no longer have to attract a mate why why dumb these resources into youth, we've gotta store fat, and start the arduous task of raising the children." ) She's simply playing by the rules as it were.

I get what you're saying though, The old good guy bad boy dichotomy wherein you, the good guy genuinely want to protect her and treat her with respect blah blah blah, (gag) meanwhile:

68.media.tumblr.com/.../...q94zNb1w3cefpo1_500.jpg
THIS MOFO has like 17 girls snapping his ass daily.

[heart_beat]

Well they have to be sure you are worth it (worth their time), which takes some time to determine and also, let us notice for a moment that girls get way lot of proposals and attention and everyone will ofcourse want to come across as nice so as to get her... How is she to decide quickly?

Plus, I think everyone is choosy... Like, you too would chose certain kind of girls (appearance, the way they carry themselves etc.) over the others.

So it is just a matter of what works out best for them :)

[Astoriana]

I get that you probably have low self-esteem or whatever (certainly you have low expectations of your partners) but there’s no reason that women (or anyone, really) ought to be the same. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, one must be selective. This is a situation where compatibility does in fact matter, and matters quite a lot. A woman does not need to settle for any person who gives her an iota of attention, and really, she ought not as that is not how a successful relationship is built.

To your other points, I believe that some smallish studies have shown men grow attached more quickly than women.

Also, the point about how women ought to date more people at once - how do you know that they aren’t doing so? It’s very common for everyone in this day and age to date multiple people at once, at least until exclusivity has been established with one or more parties.

[intoxicatingen6]

We are selective in dating because it’s not easy finding a genuine guy with good intentions at heart & a good amount of guys are total jerks. Also it depends on the girl, personally for me I am a deep person and I look for more in relationships I need to feel something.. the passion, fire, everything.

Both girls and guys should be selective to be honest though.

[foolishsunset]

I don't settle for less then what I want. I guess that makes me selective. I just don't date someone unless he's exaclty what I seek for in a partner. I wouldn't want to waste time dating someone if I know I wouldn't want to stay with them in the long run. - They also deserve to find someone who really wants to be witg them. I'd rather be alone then being one of these women who are 30 and divorced/unhappily married. Generally, I obviously like being in love, but I don't need a relationship to make me complete.

[bente2]

I say it’s biological. Somewhere in our minds we still long for a partner with specific traits beneficial to us. Traits such as loving, not agressive but strong, et cetera.

Then there’s the social aspect. Nowadays we obviously want men that meet higher standards than years ago. Men need to be funny, because what is a relationship without laughs? They need to think at least somewhat similar on topics important to us. To me that would be lgbqta+, politics..

So yeah, females place a lot of standards on men. Males do it on women too, but most men think those standards are more acceptable. From what i’ve seen, often men have physical standards while women tend to go more for the mental standards.

[MsLoli]

I think it has to do with some very old breeding instincts. Think about it; animals like bears have a pretty interesting way of courting in that the female is pretty selective and the male has to wow her in some way before she'll mate with him, but the male bear will attempt to mate with just about any female bear and will try courting many throughout his lifetime. Her biological goal is to mate with a male that will give her desirable offspring, and his biological goal is to mate with as many females as possible, so he isn't very selective at all. I think humans work much the same way at a pretty subconscious level.

[blazethewolf]

It's an evolutionary thing.. I believe a lot of it has to do with the survival of the fittest and finding a mate who isn't going to run off but be there to help provide for a family/future. Chasing shows drive and commitment when a male pursues and the female is receptive.

[Anonymous]

It is just the type of women you're meeting. In general people aren't very selective at all. Even the "selective" and "serious" ones rarely have relationships that last five years and rarely have relationship gaps that last five years. They often go from person to person very rapidly.

The only questing is whether it is at the front-end (what you've described) or the back-end ("serious" serial relationships). I don't think either sex is prone to one or the other.

Most people though have extremely low standards and will act more on opportunity and whim than through an actual consideration of criteria. In modern terms, "seeing if it will just work out" / "instant chemistry", etc.

[rjroy3]

The risk of time wasted with the wrong person. Now extend that out further to child bearing and you'll understand why they're also more choosy with sex partners. If every time it's a risk of getting pregnant for 9 months, then you'd want to be a bit more selective as well.

They want to know you're the shit before your penis goes in.

[NineBreaker]

There is a biological explanation for all of that. It's mirrored in the amount of gametes we contribute when trying to make a baby: For men, it's millions of sperm a pop, and for women it's (usually) only a single egg a month. Of course women would be more selective.

[Anonymous]

because girls tend to get hurt more than guys in relationships. there's so many single mothers with children who don't know their father because he left her once she got pregnant. guys can get a girl pregnant then leave if they want. girls can get pregnant from a guy, then have to live with it for the rest of her life because she can't just walk away from it. girls are also so selective because we wanna find a guy who's truthful, loyal, and faithful. we don't want a guy to be our "temporary SO". we want him to be our lifelong SO

[crosdale]

Young women (at their sexual peak) are attracted to tall, good looking, successful, confident Alpha types. These tend to be players, because... why not right? You dont have to work hard to get laid. Meals, drinks, gifts etc. Give her a good time, she'll give you a good time. But that's it though. It's all superficial.

When women get around their mid 30's - 40 they dont want a Player, but many still expect to be treated as they were in their teens and 20's even though they're "hitting the wall". But by then most men are much wiser when it comes to how they use their time and resources.
Why would I buy a high mileage family hatchback, that's had a few owners, wheel trims hanging off, dented panels, faded paint, couple of child seats in the back - when for the same amount of money, I can get something younger and sporty... more bang for the buck.

[SarahsSummer]

Isn’t everyone selective in dating? Unless you’re just a serial dater, people like to make connections for a quality lasting relationship. Yes, we want a guy to please us as we want to please the guy we like. As for “chasing” its one way to know we aren’t wasting our time on someone we are attracted to.

[Queen_gamer]

For me I’m selective because I want someone that would make a good husband. I don’t want to argue all the time, I want someone that will listen, someone who would make a great father, someone who will be with me even if things get hard, someone who can handle his business.

[aicarg]

Date more than one person at a time? most people in life that want a serious and meaningful relationship aren't looking for the same experience as the reality tv show of The Bachelor or Bachelorette. Dating more than one person at a time loses one's focus on truly getting to know one adequate person. I honestly wouldn't like to know that I'm currently in selection of "am I girlfriend material" in a handful of other "candidates" as I'm dating a guy.

[GayHowellMeme]

People should always be selective.

If not? Then why do we even date? I’d date because I like the person and I have feelings for the person.

I’m selective or else I’m not at all. I don’t belong in the middle when it comes to relationships. For me it’s just two sides.

I just don’t see the point with dating and relationships when you get heart broken and control your significant other and are with them all the time.

[deraz24]

I don't know we want to know guys are into us too, so the more effort you show the more we know y'all like us. And almost every woman I know like what they like its just how we are. When we date we date fr and want to be sure the person we're dating is a good fit and not waste our time

[saltysunshine]

Hype.
All the girls i know are pretty easy. They have low self confidence and will date anyone who makes them feel beautiful. While i myself, am pretty picky. Tbh i have an idea why i am so picky but i dont want all og GaG to know. Depending on the guy i can qttach quite quickly.