Why do women tend to avoid dating nerdy guys?

[RinXD]

So why is it women tend to avoid nerdy guys? Granted yes I know some hobbies can be a tad weird but all in all most of us nerdy guys are just normal people who would rather play video games, watch anime, or geek out over various other things then go out get drunk and make bad decisions. So why does it seem like nerdy guys get the shit end of the stick all the time?

[HannahDJA]

It's because of the stigma over nerdy guys being the gross geeks who never shower and live with their mom's until they're 35. This stigma has sorta changed over the years, but there are still a lot of guys who seclude themselves in their rooms, never shower, and constantly geek it up with D&D, anime, and Star Wars movies, haha.

The reason nerdy guys seem to get the shit end of the stick is because people in general are picky. Many girls want a guy who's active because she feels like their future together is more secured if he isn't always talking about Star Wars (that's not to say that EVERY "nerdy" guy is a Star Wars fanatic), and many nerdy guys don't want a girl that isn't as attractive as the not as attractive girl who actually shows interest in him, as opposed to the really beautiful women who sometimes don't give them the light of day.

There are lots of people out there, and you don't really know just how many until you've traveled the world. I wouldn't give up yet on finding the right person, despite the stigma around the nerdy guy thing. One of the nerdiest guys I ever knew had really bad facial whiskers, bad acne, and constantly had a deck of Yu-Gi-Oh cards in his bag to play with other fellow nerds, and he's maintained a relationship with a pretty girl for over 5 years. It'll happen. :)

[RinXD]

How to put this Im a nerd but I know when I need to spend time with a certain person life is not about video games and nerdy things im actually a factory worker who works 40 hours a week and makes decent money, Muscles do not mean security as much as I hate to say most the time they = shitty personalities and lack of intelligence which the world populace needs to start realizing. Honestly I dont want to date someone that I have to worry about being hit on all the time. I have been there and done that and it's not a fun game to play at all it does nothing but breed jealousy and drive people apart. I want someone average as the looks and muscles thing goes both ways as it usually = shitty personality and lack of intelligence.

[BuchitaBuchys]

A. We don't. It's just that more "non nerds" approach women.

B. Just because a guy isn't a "nerd", doesn't mean that he goes out and gets drunk and "makes bad decisions". I sense some slight arrogance.

C. I like watching anime, playing videogames, I love science, reading, researching, I have more books than friends. So if a guy feels the same way or we share similar hobbies, then that's a plus for me cuz we'll have more to talk about. Geeky guys very rarely ever ask a girl out. I know what you're gonna say "It's cuz we're shy and the girl should be approaching too." I agree. And I have. With geeky guy friends and classmates. They rejected me. So there's that lol
Geeks are my preference but I'm not theirs apparently :p

[RinXD]

Actually my biggest issue is determining flirting from general kindness or when im being hit on. Also its not arrogance it's more fact then opinion considering you just said it yourself most nerdy guys are too shy to put themselves into that kind of a social situation.

[BuchitaBuchys]

You made it seem arrogant. To say you're "better" for not drinking or whatever.

[RinXD]

Oh I do drink just not to the point of intoxication. Also the point I was trying to make is it's more socially acceptable to go out party and get drunk then to stay home on a Friday night and watch anime or play video games. A lot of girls I have talked to consider the later to be very childish.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Actually. I'm a bartender. But I don't drink at all haha. Nor smoke. But I have friends and family who do. Yea some are knuckleheads, but some are still geeks, still nerds, still nice and responsible people.
I guess it depends on the girl. I've talked to a lot of guys that consider small boobs a turn off (which I have) does that mean they always are?

[RinXD]

Breast's should not make or break a girl nor should weather they have a butt or not. Also what I mean is I can be talking to a girl whos number I got and the moment I bring up anime or games... boom never hear from them again.

[BuchitaBuchys]

It shouldn't but it does lol to some people.

Well, you're just gonna have to keep looking. I wouldn't be scared off by that, cuz that's what I usually do with my free time. But not every girl thinks the same.

[RinXD]

Well I imagine most run cause of the stigma that male nerds who game or watch anime its all they ever do or can talk about, but I do mention along with anime that I bowl, play pool, amtgard, read, and play golf but they only see the video game/anime bit.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Well they probably won't feel compatible to them.

[RinXD]

Well it is easier to say so then to leave someone hanging.

[BuchitaBuchys]

That's true. Those girls are being mean. You just gotta find someone who'll like you for you. As hard as that is.

[RinXD]

Well considering how superficial society is now days since they put more stock in appearance then intelligence that's near impossible to actually do.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Welcome to life. It sucks but we just gotta deal with it :/

Curious though, are the girls you go for attractive, conventionally?

[Dandeus]

"B. Just because a guy isn't a "nerd", doesn't mean that he goes out and gets drunk and "makes bad decisions". I sense some slight arrogance."

I've known plenty of nerdy guys who get drunk too, they just don't do it in nightclubs. So it goes both ways.

[Codycute]

All women don't try to avoid dating nerdy guys. It's kind of like saying all guys only go after blondes. It's possible you think so because you aren't looking at the correct type of girl. I, personally, like it when I can play video games with a guy, or talk with them about books. But not girls are like that, keep in mind.

[Strider90]

I just copy paste my opinion from a take with this subject:

What girls (or people in general) don't understand is that it's not your hobby that makes you a nerd but the way you're dealing with it. A girl might reject a guy only because he likes to watch cartoons or plays video games, reads comic books, ''Ugh... what a nerd'' she will think. But she will date another guy who is obsessed with sports cars, is filling his Honda Civic with stickers thinking that it is cool and is waking up 3 o clock in the morning to watch the F1 tournament in Japan live AND of course collects TOYS sports cars. Or maybe she will date a guy who is obsessed with football and soccer teams and players and goes to see 'his' favourite team every weekend and gets pissed off if it loses the game and is wearing his team's T shirts on a daily basis (omfg). Excuse me ladies, aren't the two examples above a supreme level of nerdy behaviour?
I too was always a loser with girls. The few relationships I had by now were all very short and some were simple hook ups without any meaning and I know it will be like this for the rest of my life, not because Im bad looking! I actually dare to say that I am handsome enough and I attract girls often but no relationship will last and turn into something meaningful, all because of my hobbies.

[RinXD]

I agree with this whole heartedly, however the other hobbies you mentioned are considered main stream and there is such a bad stigma out there about nerds i. e were bad in bad, dont shower, overly obsessive with our hobbies. Now I will say this I will never give up my hobbies because some girl stops talking too me when i mention them and people say I need to meet people half way but you know why would I even bother when they straight up avoid you after mentioning anime or video games.

[Strider90]

I will never give up my hobbies either. And some of them are extremely a turn off in my country. It is almost 100% sure that I will never get a serious relationship.

[RinXD]

Well what I have noticed is even if you have other hobbies that one hobby is enough to make them stop talking to you all together which is rather annoying cause I can talk about sports or cars or most other things with out a issue

[Lionseye]

A part of me is still a Nerd/GEEKt I like anime documentations and etc i used to look a total stereotypical nerd nasty glasses chubby lack of communication skills with the ladies. But that all changed when i realized what potential i had in me. Use your intelligence as advantage don't dress like a nerd. clothe yourself fashionably. Go to the gym if you already don't to loose weight if you have a few extra unwanted pounds. Dont complain that you dont have a beach bod and expect a girl to just fall for you, personality counts but you have to be presentable. GET Ripped. Build up your confidence and just remember WORK HARD PLAY HARD. Worked for me should work for you

[RinXD]

Yeah except that is making yourself out to be someone you're not and me im pretty muscley from factory work but Im not fat im about 190lbs 5'9. I dont want a beach body I prefer to be different from the norm im am not gonna change who I am just to sate someone who is extremely superficial because chances are thy have shitty personalities. Not to mention I will never spend 50 dollars on a pair of jeans or 40 dollars on a shirt the most expensive clothing/ attire I own are my shoes and winter coats.

[Lionseye]

My opinion still stands and I wish you the best of luck.

[demonology]

I'm down with the hobbies, gaming, programming, (fandoms, if you want to count the "mainstream nerd"), but the people that hold these common interests tend to be socially slow. its painful to try to hold conversation; it feels too forced. And the same for no conversation; it feels awkward.

[RinXD]

Depends on the person I have other hobbies then anime or video games like bowling and playing pool and reading books. But I will agree people that only do that stuff have a hard time with idle chatter and conversations outside their fandoms

[demonology]

It's not that they have a difficulty holding conversation outside their fandoms, I have the same interests and they have difficulty holding conversation in general. I hold up the conversation until I give up on them and quit. It's a lost cause for most nerdy people.

One specific thing really bothers me. Several people I know have done this- they would say one thing that they think is really funny or witty (and you can tell they think they are putting on the fake pride mask), and then turn to me and stare too deeply, too obviously, and too desperately waiting for my calculated response. It's forced.

[RinXD]

Me personally I love to talk but if someone is new it takes a while for me to get comfortable enough to chat it up with them but once I do it's hard to get me to shut up. But I get what you mean it probably has to do with lack of social activity but the nerd community has issues with social anxiety in general

[YourGod]

A lot of the guys I knew in high school that were nerds rarely went out into the sunlight. Their health suffered and their body left misshapen. Not very attractive to me, but they could get girlfriends. I know a few that got engaged during high school.

[RinXD]

Well let me explain a few things about nerds, For one most of us are never gonna see the inside of a gym so if you're talking to a guy who says he's a nerd but is built chances are he's not a nerd. Most of us nerds do not see the point in training muscles we are likely never going to use (like abs they're a pretty useless muscle for someone who plays video games or does nerdy things as a hobby) we instead sharpen our mind and reflexes also sun is very bad for your skin.

[YourGod]

That's what I said... No, I don't want to date you. :/ That's gross.

[RinXD]

I find it funny how my response comes off as wanting to date you... I think you need to work on your reading skills.

[Ihav2fart]

@rthomas43 where's your counter argument you nerd

[YourGod]

Your response never comes off as that. You need to work on your reading skills. You restated everything that I said.

[Alcoto12]

My experience with nerdy/geeky guys and flirting has been mostly negative. I have a few as friends but they are all socially awkward, except one that is just unpredictable and becomes violent (to the point he'd murder someone) when he looses a game. I would date a nerd or geek as long as they would be willing to leave the house (I need sunlight to be happy), were not violent, and wouldn't turn down sex to play a game.

[SomeoneImportant]

You classify a "nerd" as someone who just plays video games and watches anime. But some of those guys are the ones that are socially awkward and just flat out aren't good socializing with girls.

So I assume you fall into the socially awkward group. Which isn't difficult to fix, and if you prefer to stay within your comfort zone, you can easily find you a cute video game/anime loving gal, there's a shit load.

[RinXD]

Im not socially awkward per say just quiet until I get to know the person. Also anime and video games are not my only nerdy interests I write code, build computers, photoshop, and manage a server/ network for a video game I play.

[SomeoneImportant]

So you aren't exactly aggressive and open in a social setting, that's fine. Also, you can use those interests to your advantage, one thing you have to understand is girls do not think like us, plain and simple.

For example (this was kind of shitty on my part, but it worked, so fuck it) I used to wear this native American looking good luck charm thing on a necklace, I bought it at a mall for like $1.50, and when girls would ask me what it was, I would just say some bs about how my grandmother was a part of some tribe or something and she gave it to me. I would add a bunch of nonsense detaills whenever I talked about it.

But the point is, if you can make it interesting, girls will listen, shit you wouldn't want to hear for more than a minute, they could listen to for an hour. So use all that knowledge you have about computers and what not in conversation.

I can't stand seeing a guy that thinks his hobbies or lifestyle is holding him back, or any insecurities.

[SomeoneImportant]

If I can do it, I know for damn sure you can.

[RinXD]

Honestly my biggest issue is telling flirting from general kindness and if they're hitting on me I legitly can not tell

[SomeoneImportant]

I used to have difficulty with that as well. It just takes some learning experiences to really know the difference between all the signs girls give. I would try and break it down for you, but you can't really, it's all situational and varies.

[RinXD]

Well most their signs are so subtle it's not how flirting was meant to be it was supposed to be obvious or for better terms loud and out there not quiet like a whisper

[SomeoneImportant]

But remember, girls fear rejection more than guys. So they don't want to fully commit and show obvious interest, because they're worried the guy may not be interested, and they don't want to have that feeling of "I like him, he doesn't like me, I feel so stupid". So they just give those subtle hints and hope you can decipher it.

But that's where guys need to be a little more aggressive and act on those subtle flirtatious hints.

[RinXD]

Im not observant enough to pick them up

[SomeoneImportant]

That's where all that gaming and computer time needs to be put on hold for at least a day or two. Go put yourself in those situations, and gain some experience. As guys, we don't have the luxury of being able to sit back and "hope" for someone to find us like girls do. We have to take initiative.

[RinXD]

can't really put anything on hold I work second shift 2-11:30pm 40 hours a week everything is closed when i get off work. Also I lack situations to put myself into not too many places around here where nerdy people gather the closest place is 100 miles away,

[SomeoneImportant]

That's rough, but why limit yourself to where nerdy people gather lol? Find anything you can, diversity is healthy, and trust me, stepping out of your comfort zone is very refreshing

[Anonymous]

Nerds typically are socially awkward, are babied, and show little to no drive to succeed in life. They don't care much about looking or smelling good either... and if they do, it definitely doesn't show!

To be fair, those are usually the uber dorks though. lol

[RinXD]

Well as I said earlier I refuse to pay obscene amounts of money for clothing labels also dressing up is not me at all Jeans, t-shirt, Etnie's. I dont smell either I shower twice a day , brush my teeth 3 times a day I work a full time job and im hardly babied (Do the dirtiest job in the factory) As for smelling good I dont wear fragrances the only thing I wear is underarm deodorant.

[Dandeus]

A lot of nerds have terrible social and communication skills, especially when it comes to non-nerds. As a nerd myself, even I find a lot of other nerds unbearable when I'm around too many of them, and I can easily imagine what it must be like for someone who doesn't even understand the nerd context to deal with people on that level.

[Your_boss960]

Nerdy guys are smart. I sit next to them on tests/exams/quizzes.

I like nerdy guys because in the future they will be rich and not like the cool guys who became baby daddies and drug addicts

[RinXD]

So gold digger?

[Your_boss960]

I'm not a gold digger. I Would just never get with a man who didn't have a stable career.
It's just like most guys would never marry a whore/slut

[Unit1]

= Gold Digger. Simple. This is why people work.

Sorry but it seems only that way :-/

[linkywinky]

I've been attracted to plenty of nerdy guys. It's all about preference. You just need to find someone who enjoys what you enjoy so you can have a nerd fest and make a nerd nest together.

[RinXD]

However I've noticed most nerdy girls are closet nerds and the ones who are open about it are usually taken.

[emilyg25]

I don't, I think nerdy guys are cute and a lot of them have the better jobs :P
I also enjoy nerdy things, so what's not to like?
And going out drinking all the time is really overrated.

[RinXD]

I see this said all the time but the person saying it usually does the opposite.

[emilyg25]

Well, it's true for me :)

[soccerchick4eva]

depends on the girls really but also in saying that some nerdy guys dont express how they feel towards a girl also so its kinda hard for girls to know..

[RinXD]

Well while this may be true, I am not gonna jump the gun on things especially since most girls now days make it damn hard to tell if they like you or not and with me a lot of it gets taken as general kindness rather then them flirting with me or hitting on me as I literally can't tell the difference between kindness and flirting/being hit on.

[HoshiOMitte]

you just haven't found your nerdy girl yet. I watch anime with my bf all the time. watching tokyo ghoul season 2 right now by the way. lol

[been_waiting]

Why do men tend to avoid dating nerdy girls?

They're usually not good socially.

[been_waiting]

Also I've noticed that a lot of these nerdy guys go for girls who don't have similar interests nor similar personalities in any way and expect to be able to click.

[RinXD]

I honestly avoid that like the plague for example if they have issues with anime or video games its a nope for me

[been_waiting]

Well typically the ones who enjoy anime and video games don't mind

[RinXD]

Actually I've noticed a lot of nerdy girls dating non nerdy guys

[been_waiting]

We've noticed different things

[RinXD]

As I said above it's more socially acceptable for a female to be a nerd then a male

[been_waiting]

Meh. I don't think so.

[Odette1993]

Because some women don't know what a good guy looks like at a glance.

[RinXD]

That requires actually communication, but since most nerds as mentioned below don't exactly have beach bodies they're wrote off at first glance.

[Odette1993]

Exactly. Girls today are more caught up on appearances. I married a "nerd". First time seeing him I never thought we'd get married, but we did. I don't want to say it's just the girls fault for looking at appearances, but guys need to make more of an effort to talk. (I've pretty much only dated " nerds")

[RinXD]

here's the thing though girls/women now days have no idea how to flirt some of the most subtle things are considered flirting and most guys will never pick up on it. But as I've said below my biggest issue is telling when someones flirting with me or hitting on me cause its so subtle.

[Anonymous]

Poor social skills and lack of attentionto apperance, often. Also, nerdy doesn't automatically mean nice. My last serious bf was an engineer and the biggest jerk I've dated.

[RinXD]

Engineer does not mean a nerd fyi just means they're good with numbers and math.

[Opinion Owner]

He was fairly nerdy, just not nice. Too many guys confuse the two! A lot of nerds do fine, esoecially with nerdier girls. But meeting people does require going places people gather. :)

[RinXD]

I do go out and do stuff but stuff like clubbing and bars are not my scene mainly cause people smoke in bars and I can't breathe when I'm around the stuff on top of that dancing and drinking and public really don't appeal to me but I do go out in public. I will agree it does not but a good majority of nerds are nice unless you give them a reason not to be.

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like you just need to keep doing social things with mixed sexes and you'll meet girks to date.

[GlitterGirl456]

Luv anime!! And video games are cool. Can't say I don't like it... XD

[RinXD]

Yes but you're also under 18 and it stills considered socially acceptable at that age and its more so acceptable for females to be nerdy over guys in general

[GlitterGirl456]

Again? Why is it that I always have people mention that? Am I not allowed to answer questions because I'm under 18?

[RinXD]

No but dating at that age range is a whole lot different then it is when you're an adult especially when you start pushing about 25 certain things are considered childish and the like

[GlitterGirl456]

Sorry for wasting ur time... was just trying to help. (:

[RinXD]

You're perfectly fine this is a discussion and no where on the title did I put 18+ only.

[GlitterGirl456]

Thanks

[Jacob46]

All your activities are indoors, how can girls meet you?

[RinXD]

I work second shift everything is closed when I get off work for one for two I live up north and its cold as shit right now outside of course everything I do is gonna be indoors and three are you trying to say women only exist outside?

[Jacob46]

I live up north too and stop being dramatic. I am only saying start making time to go out and socialize at events, indoors or outdoors. Whichever

[RinXD]

Define events because im not gonna show up at something that I feel out of place or lack interest in (aka clubs and dancing)

[Jacob46]

Fair enough. Concerts, fundraisers (good causes), join a team/club for hobbies you enjoy. Try travelling if you're up for it.

[RinXD]

Traveling requires time off work, Fundraisers are not my cup of tea, I live in hick ville Indiana there are no teams/clubs for my hobbies everyone around here hunts or plays in the mud. And as for concerts that requires a band I like to actually be playing with in 100 miles of me

[Jacob46]

You obviously need a change of pace. You're going to have to change something, whether it be relocating or 'playing in the mud' you can't expect to draw people towards you if you are hesitant to meet them halfway.

[purpledragon]

I am one of the biggest nerds I have ever known... 😄 so I have no problem with nerds. Haha

[RinXD]

Nerds seem more widely accepted outside the united states to be honest

[purpledragon]

Aw that's a shame.

[Anonymous]

If the nerdy guy has a nice body and personality then he is a go.

[RinXD]

LOL a nerd with a nice body ROFLMAO yep cause nerds who are built are actually a common thing LOL

[Anonymous]

In a young girls mind "making bad decisions" is there reason to be. Without poor choices they would have an existential crisis, so naturally they cannot relate to guys who don't play that game.

[RinXD]

I would say its more of a band wagon habit then it is done on their own. People do things cause a bunch of other people are doing it so it must be cool.

[Opinion Owner]

Peer pressure affects everyone to some degree but I think women are more sensitive to it than guys are.

If you go against the social grain and march to the beat of your own drum obviously you will not be popular with most women.

[RinXD]

It depends on the person really

[MysticValley]

I love nerds. My boyfriend is a nerd, and I love it. It's not about looks, but there is some cuteness in nerd's personalities.

[Anonymous]

Because nerdy guys are GENERALLY lacking in social skills, looks/fashion and hygiene.

[RinXD]

hygiene I can understand but fashion/looks is superficial

[Opinion Owner]

So what if it's superficial? You think superficial things don't matter? Wake up son...

[RinXD]

while ill agree they matter to some degree they should not weight near as heavy as they do.

[JackKerouac77]

Can't handle their massive wangs

[front2back]

Nerdy =/= Playing video games or watching anime.

[RinXD]

That is the most common form of nerdyness

[front2back]

No it's not. Being really into math, science, and technology is nerdy.

Video games and anime are just a form of geekiness.

[RinXD]

Does building computers, running networks, programming, photoshop count?

[RinXD]

I think you need to re think your definition of nerd

look up Nerd on wikipedia

[front2back]

Yes they all count. Notice how I said "technology".

[RinXD]

Still go read the definition of nerd it has nothing to do with just math science and technology

[Dandeus]

Nerd and geek are colloquialisms, there is no set definition. That said, considering that video games are incredibly mainstream these days, while science and math (especially as a hobby) are not, I'd have to say that science and tech and math (and history, and other kinds of academic things) are the real bastion of nerdiness. I know tons of people who play video games these days who are the antithesis of nerd.

[kangy]

not compatible